Sugar's Smacks

Life's a drag, but that's okay!

2011-04-27T13:55:00.002-04:00

Well, I've been a bad girl, now haven't I? I can explain...and I will, soon. Until then, please enjoy my interview with the fierce Raja, the winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race"!

The Mandatory New Year's Post

2010-12-30T12:42:00.002-05:00

I really don't know why I bother! Yes, it's been almost 11 months since I posted, but since my number one resolution is to write more, I figured, what the heck? A lot has been going on in my life (catch-up post to come...I promise!) but this is the time of year when I really start considering how to make things better. So, here are my resolutions for 2011...

1. WRITE! I have 5 (count 'em) blogs and affiliated Twitter feeds - probably too much, but I should at least give it the old "college try" this year. If I can get enough material together, I can, at the very least, self-publish.

2. STAY IN SHAPE! I only need to drop a few holiday-gained lbs., but I'm doing the Princess Half Marathon in February and need to train hard (I'm already way behind). The gym is going to be my BFF this year. I also need to reduce my carb 'n' junk food intake this year. I toyed with the idea of going veggie again, but I can't give up my sushi and chicken wings! Moderation (in everything) is going to be key for me!

3. Get my s--t together. For real. This resolution needs more details, I know, but I'm not ready to share all of that quite yet. Just know that I'm working to be a better me - and a happier me - this year.

Okay, that's it. I'm off to the chilly northeast to see Paul's family and friends. Happy New Year and let's make 2011 a great one!

It's Amazing What You Can Find on YouTube

2010-02-26T11:16:00.002-05:00

(I know! Two posts in one day! Amazing!)
I was trolling around the Internets the other day and found a little something I'd share with you (although, maybe I shouldn't). Back in 2002, before I was a "Mrs.", I happily volunteered to be a bachelorette on a dating game on a radio show. It was on a show out of Orlando called the Monsters of the Midday (they're now the Monsters of the Morning, and I'm still a devoted listener.) I had a blast on the broadcast, which was filmed for a cable access show (the actual episode never aired, but some of the clips ended up on the DVD for the radio show - this clip is all that's left of my "15 minutes of radio fame").

WARNING: the clip is slightly NSWF. You'll see me around the 2:20 mark, and you can stop watching (unless you're still curious) after about 3:30 or so.

I'm sure my folks are so proud.

More Non-Winning Contest Writing!

2010-02-26T11:08:00.003-05:00

Ok. I'm back. I really need to get crack-a-lacking on this blog - and in my non-work writing as well. I entered a contest to win $1000 on a site called My Very Worst Date. The site was looking for the story of the worst date ever. I've had a lot of terrible dates (if you'd like to read something I wrote a while back about my misadventures in the wacky world of Internet dating, you can do so right here), but the only one I could seem to wax poetic about in time for the contest deadline was one unfortunate night was the one you're about to read about. So, please enjoy...

My very worst date was pretty awful, but at least my tale has a happy ending. Through a former employer, I had access to VIP tickets for a New Year’s Eve concert by one of my favorite groups - a quirky Canadian band whose name promises something that’s never delivered on stage – much to the dismay of the uninitiated. The tickets included unlimited food and an open bar.

My date’s musical interests ran the gamut from Brooks and Dunn to GWAR, but he had no love whatsoever for eccentric alterna-pop from the Great White North. He did, however, have love for me, free food and free-flowing booze; and since we had no other options for ringing in the New Year, he agreed to accompany me to the show. Since the venue was over an hour from our house (and also because it was New Year’s Eve, the holiday when no one should be driving after…oh…6pm or so), we opted to get a hotel room. My date decided the only way he was going to endure the evening’s musical entertainment was to drink copious amounts of alcohol prior to the show – which he did. Within about an hour’s time, he proceeded to down an entire fifth of Ketel One vodka.

As soon as we got to the show, my date immediately hit the bar, just to ensure that his rapidly increasing buzz wouldn’t wane. He managed to choke down some meatballs and other such hors d’oeuvres in between further lubricating himself with more spirits. We were talking (well…more like slurring) and I jokingly (completely and utterly without a trace of malice in my heart) remarked to my date that his super-nice family members (who I knew quite well) were all a-holes. This didn’t sit well with him, and he proceeded to throw his drink in my face and call me a bitch – just as my favorite band took to the stage. Obviously, I couldn’t enjoy the show – not only was I probably quite flammable at this point (as, by this time, the vodka and sodas my date had been drinking were all now 100% vodka), my date was also nowhere to be found. I found him somehow (I think I could feel the chill coming off of him across the venue) and we attempted to head back to the hotel. The city was deserted – not a cab to be found – so we started walking, completely unaware of the location of our hotel. In the process of stumbling through the streets, I learned the hard lesson that high heels and poorly paved roads didn’t mix, and I took a tumble not once, but twice. Someone was looking out for us, because we eventually made it back to the hotel. The next morning, I woke up hung-over and bruised. My date was contrite and, after a greasy, nasty breakfast at a local all-you-can-eat buffet, we kissed and made up – and got married three months later!

Sorry, Paul. It's one of those "we can look back on this and laugh" kinda tales now, but I was really hoping it would have been one of those "I just won $1000" kinda tales (but, hey, I wrote something!) Oh well, c'est la vie!

The (Mandatory) New Year's Resolution Post

2010-01-05T11:58:00.003-05:00

I'd love to say I've been too busy to post because I got the gig with The Impulsive Buy...but I didn't. I'd say it was an honor to be in the running, but we all know that's BS - the only honor is actually getting the gig. Oh well, real job has kept me busy enough (especially since my job role has expanded to analysis and such...sadly, my salary has not.) I'll write an update of these past few crazy months soon, but I need to get this out of the way first.

Like many misguded people, I have a compulsive need to post my new year's resolutions somewhere (not like it aids in my keeping them or anything.) Since I'm about to eat my annual new year's Hoppin' John (a tradition I believe came from my parents' friend Nikki, who embodied a modern-day Scarlett O'Hara in her "fiddle-dee-dee" glory), I need to get these out into the universe. Let's see how many I keep this year, shall we?

I'm adding a new component to my annual weight loss/get in shape resolution - severely reducing my carb intake. This is going to be a tough one, kids. My "thinspiration" for this is the fact that my parents dropped a bunch of weight by doing just this. I can probably survive for a little while based on the residual carbs still in my system from all of the delicious soft pretzels I ate in Philly. Saying buh-bye to my beloved potatoes is another thing entirely. I miss them already. I have to miss the Princess half marathon this year because it falls on the weekend of my fifth wedding anniversary (can you believe that?), so my only race I'm definitely doing this year is the Wine and Dash at EPCOT in October. I need to do some 5/10Ks before then. This involves actually going to the gym once in a while. This one resoultion alone is already wearing me out!

Writing. Almost as tough as working out. I am going to write something this year. I swear. I'm getting interested in documenting my ancestors, and may tryo to do something with that (combining my nerd love for research with my passion for writing). I found a documentary online today which basically blamed my grandfather and great uncles for the sorry state of public transportation in the US (Grrreat...), but I think I need the other side of the story! I'd also like to work more on this blog, the Frampton blog and some short stories. I was trying to follow the "write something every day" advice of my idol Augusten Burroughs, but it's not seeming to work. Damn.

Organization. Ouch, this is a tough one too. Three resolutions is all you're getting! It would be nice to have a wedding scrapbook in time for my fifth anniversary! Since P.'s traveling so much, I should be able to get some of this stuff done (it's gotta be done before our inevitable move - P.'s doing so well with his job, I'm sure his company will relocate him within the next few years.) Maybe I need to address my DVR/Netflix obsession first?

Ok, I'm hungry. Hoppin' John, here I come. Happy 2010, y'all!

A Writer's Line, Part 2

2009-08-21T16:20:00.002-04:00

Well, out of 44 submissions to "The Impulsive Buy", my first review earned a spot in the top 11 finalist positions to be the new reviewer for the site. So, here's my follow-up review. I sent it on August 4 and still haven't heard back (sorry for the delay in posting - but you know how it is...). Enjoy!

REVIEW: California Pizza Kitchen Flatbread Melts – Five Cheese and Spinach

It seems one of the hot new trends in the food industry is to find as many different ways to stuff as many different kinds of bread as possible with meat, cheese and veggies. From Quiznos introducing a limitless variety of starchy options to house your filling of choice (including the recently introduced torpedo and bullet sandwiches) to Lean Cuisine and frozen fare introducing paninis and flatbread sandwiches, there’s something out there to fulfill any sammich-related desire. And now, venerable restaurant chain/frozen food upstart California Pizza Kitchen has entered the fray, with a line of Flatbread Melts. The wannabe vegetarian in me (which I’ll never again be thanks to spicy chicken wings and Cuban sandwiches) immediately took notice of the Five Cheese and Spinach variety and added it to my cart.

As I live in the ‘burbs, with the closest California Pizza Kitchen restaurant over an hour’s drive away, I was slightly excited about having the CPK restaurant experience in my own home. Sadly, it was only the California Pizza Kitchen experience that you find at your local airport CPK location to be found with this sammich. Instead of fresh from the oven flavor, it was (obviously) microwaved and sort of bland.

This melt was easy enough to cook, but the directions on the box were slightly intimidating. After laying the unfolded melt on the special cooking tray, I read the directions on the box – which screamed at me in bold capital letters “CAREFULLY FOLD FLATBREAD MELT ALONG DIAGONAL WHITE LINE ON SILVER TRAY.” I felt a lot of pressure to get this right, and thankfully I managed to get it to look like the image on the box – only with a noticeable lack of filling. I do like that it’s cooked flat and folded afterwards. It alleviates the issue that one encounters with Hot Pockets, where the center is “boiling lava hot” (as Jim Gaffigan so eloquently put it) and reduces the inside of your mouth to shreds and singes the taste buds, rendering anything else you consume flavorless for a few days. Thankfully, I retained full use of my taste buds after consuming this hot ‘n’ toasty sandwich.

In trying to find a relatable way to describe the experience of eating this sandwich, I came up with this clever, topical analogy. I just saw the movie “Funny People” and this sandwich left me with the same feeling – great ingredients, just not put together well – enough for something to satisfy you for a short amount of time, but nothing to rave about to your friends. The bread was like the newly trimmed down Seth Rogen – firm and crispy on the outside and yet still slightly doughy on the inside (yeah, he’s lost weight, but he’ll always be the pudgy boy from “Knocked Up” to me). The toasted, crisp flatbread was the high point of the melt. The chopped red onions had the bite and flavor one would think would be associated with a saucy Aussie like Eric Bana (rowwwrrr!) The warm cheese sauce left me with a warm, comforting feeling that I would associate with a hug from Jonah Hill. Despite being touted on the box, it didn’t seem (or taste) like there was much spinach at all in the melt (I’m looking at you, Jason Schwartzman). The overall lack of substance and flavor in the melt was much like the film career of Adam Sandler. It filled me up, but the amount of sodium and calories – both bad for you – left me feeling slightly guilty that I ate the whole thing. I think that CPK may be jumping the shark (like I think Judd Apatow may have) by extending the CPK brand into territory better served by the big boys. Stick to what works…you too, Apatow!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 melt – 390 calories, 17 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin A, 25% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: California Pizza Kitchen Flatbread Melts – Five Cheese and Spinach
Price: $3.49
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: crispy bread, tasty onion flavor, Eric Bana, hugging Jonah Hill, cooking tray cooks sandwich evenly, Jim Gaffigan, minimal inner mouth blistering
Cons: Judd Apatow jumping the shark, not enough filling, killing your taste buds, not satisfying, loads of sodium, lack of spinach, bland flavor, the box yelled at me

A Neo-Maxi, Zoom Dweebie Remembers...

2009-08-07T13:08:00.003-04:00

This is all over the Internets today, but I just had to put it up, because it almost made me cry. A little piece of my childhood is gone. John Hughes is dead. I was 15 (going on 16) when "Sixteen Candles" came out, and it's one of my favorite flicks of all time. Being an outsider in high school, I came to identify with the characters in his movies (Anthony Michael Hall in particular) and hoped to someday marry my own Jake Ryan and live happily ever after. In a way, I did. Thanks, John...

My 15 Minutes of Fame!

2009-07-17T09:19:00.002-04:00

I'm so excited today - I'm the featured "Reader of the Day" on the USA TODAY pop culture blog, Pop Candy. You can see the article here. I sure hope Peter Frampton reads Pop Candy...

A Writer's Line

2009-07-14T15:54:00.003-04:00

Here's a piece I wrote as an "audition" to work on the site The Impulsive Buy, a food review site. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink Review

In my early-morning, post-workout haze, I mistakenly grabbed a can of Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink instead of my usual sugar-free Rockstar Zero Carb out of the cooler at my local gas ‘n’ sip. (Both beverages are packaged in a blue can…how devious of you, Coca-Cola.) It wasn’t until I put the open can to my lips to realize my error. Mercifully, the taste didn’t cause me to do a messy spit take across the inside of my car’s windshield.

Surprisingly for me, the drink was not an entirely unpleasant experience. It had a crisp edge, a slight citrus tang and only a teeny bit of an aftertaste. The can announces that this Blue Demon is “Blue Agave Flavor”. From my vast experience in the spirit world, I was aware that blue agave was used to make tequila. I only wondered if swigging this liquid would result in an overly interesting drive to work for the amount of time it took me to read the ingredients on the can and, sadly, there’s no actual blue agave in the drink (I’m thinking this would be a good mixer for vodka though. In the comfort of your home, kids – don’t drink and drive…especially to work.) If there’s such a thing as “sugar flavor”, it would perfectly describe the taste of this drink.

Since I haven’t had an energy drink with sugar in it since the days when I thought Red Bull and vodka was a good idea (it wasn’t), I was hoping for the lightheaded, euphoric buzz once experiences on a successful first date. Sadly, this was not to be – all that resulted was a slight headache and the concrete fact that I had just consumed 220 calories of pure guilt. It was more like one of those bad dates, when you go to the bathroom, call your friend and have them call you back with some excuse that affords you the chance to abruptly end the date. (I’ve unfortunately had more of the latter rather than the former.) I guess the Blue Demon’s “Full Throttle Blend” of guarana, ginseng, sucrose (oh, who are we kidding? It’s SUGAR.), carnitine, caffeine and taurine just left me in neutral. All in all, it was a fun experiment and I learned an important lesson (don’t grab things willy-nilly out of the cooler at the gas ‘n’ sip. Reading is fundamental.) Tomorrow, however, I fully intend to return to my Rockstar – grasping that can as I head into my office makes me feel kind of like Debbie Harry. Today. At 64 years old. But she’s still way cooler than I’ll ever be.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 220 calories, 0 grams of fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink
Price: $2.59
Purchased at: BP
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Crisp, light flavor, would mix well with vodka, didn’t have to clean my windshield, good first dates, Debbie Harry
Cons: Lack of satisfying energy drink buzz, deceptively packaged to look like Zero Carb Rockstar, not reading labels, no tequila in it, 220 calories per serving

Always Something There to Remind Me

2009-07-11T10:14:00.004-04:00

Everybody who knows me knows that I love music. I'm kind of a goober that way. As I've gotten older, my musical tastes have started reverting back to the songs I grew up with in the 70s and 80s (my Peter Frampton obsession is more than enough proof of this, I'd say.) I try to jump on every opportunity to enjoy some great tunes (and nostalgia) whenever I can (especially when it comes at an affordable price.) You can only imagine my delight when I learned that Naked Eyes were coming for a gig at the Norton Museum in West Palm. The band was probably best known for their hit "Always Something There to Remind Me" (they also had a hit with "Promises, Promises".) I recruited my two best buds from high school, Susan and Johanna and we all met up on Thursday night for an 80s flashback.

The concert was part of an event called "Art After Dark" at the museum, and it drew what can only be described as a decidedly mixed crowd. Kids, cotton tops, the up-and-coming young Palm Beach society set and ironic hipster douchebags. Yeah, I'd definitely call that "mixed". After we chugged a glass of wine (we found out we couldn't take them into the theater only after we bought them.) Johanna is tiny - she should never drink wine rapidly, but the results were kinda amusing. We went into the tiny theater and sat down. I didn't realize until later that one half of the band, Rob Fisher, passed away in 1999 (he had a hit with his own band, Climie Fisher, called "Love Changes Everything" - I still love that song.) The remaining member of the band, Pete Byrne, performed a fabulous "unplugged" session. I'm pretty positive that a large percentage of the people in the theater had no idea who this guy was - it was just a nice place to sit down for a few minutes. The group of "close to cotton tops" in front of us provided us with some good laughs. When Pete did a cover of Elton John's "Rocket Man", he told the crowd that he performed it for Elton at a concert at Carnegie Hall. There was much conversation going on between them, and I could only think they thought he played at the Carnegie Deli. I did actually overhear this when Pete launched into a stirring rendition of "Peace Love and Understanding" by Elvis Costello: "Oh, not Abbott and Costello...." Yikes. The hipster douchebags set up camp in the aisle next to us and wouldn't shut up - I finally asked if they could move their riveting conversation elsewhere. Don't people have any respect anymore? It was like going to the movie theater. Sheesh! One sad thing I realized was that we used to go to concerts where women would sit on their boyfriend's shoulders and flash their boobs at the band. Now, I'm at a show where a man is holding his infant granddaughter over his head so she can see what's going on. What happened?

Overall, the concert was great...too short, but great. Pete had a CD signing after the show and, being the famemongering whore you all know I can be, I just had to meet him (and see if he knew Peter Frampton - he didn't.) He was awesome and very friendly. And I have a new photo for my celebrity wall!

Bad Indeed

2009-07-10T10:58:00.003-04:00

I figured if anyone could put a period on this never-ending Michael Jackson memorial, it would be me. So, please enjoy this little gem I unearthed especially for the occasion...

Ironically enough, I've pretty much got the same hairdo now. This video, by the way featured yours truly and my FSU buddies Mags and Donavin. We shot this in one of those cheesy (like I had to mention that) "make your own video" stores at Disney MGM Studios, during one of our countless college road trips to Orlando. I guess all I can say now is rest in peace, our little Moonwalker.

All the Twitter Posts You Missed from Abaco

2009-07-09T15:40:00.003-04:00

Since I don't have the crazy, disposable income that allows me to send text messages from our weekend in Abaco, Bahamas (here's where we stayed, by the way), here's a compliation of the tweets I would have sent. I did send one before we left - when we arrived at Ft. Lauderdale airport late, huffed and puffed to the ticket counter and found...no one working. It's never a good thing when there's no one at the ticket counter, especially when you're dealing with a charter airline company. So, without further ado...enjoy my trip in segments of 140 characters or less...

Friday, July 3
- I've never approached a runway at a 90 degree angle - until today.
- Now it's Paul's turn to be bagless!
- Welcome to paradise! It's raining!
- Conch! Nature's perfect food...
- Paul off to get his bag, it was actually on our flight but misplaced at the airport/shack.
- Paul back from the liquor store with Fire in Da Hole and (Ricky) Ricardo rum. Party is on!
- Went snorkeling. Saw HUGE lobsters. Where's my lemon?
- Piano player in the restaurant looks like Samuel L. Jackson.
- Apparently, no one applauds for the song stylings of SLJ. Except me.
- There's a band playing saws. It's called a "rake 'n' scrape". I call it AWESOME.
- I've been dancing like a fool...and according to Paul, a velociraptor.

Saturday, July 4
- Bahamian rum drinks = yum. Bahamian Bloody Marys = meh.
- Just made the sweatiest trek to the bank ever.
- Kalik Light beer, a comfy bed, frosty A/C and Tropic Thunder. Can it get any better?
- There's a wedding on the beach. I'm not crying...there's something in my eye...
- SLJ asked if I was a musician, because of the clapping thing. I asked for a Peter Frampton song.
- Don't bet on a crab named Michael Jackson if he's up against one named Elvis Presley.
- What's with the foreign countries and racing animals anyway?
- Someone really ought to do a reggae version of "Killing in the Name"
- First 4th of July I've ever had to watch fireworks on TV

Sunday, July 5
(I actually didn't write any tweets in my notebook after Saturday, so I'm making these up on the spot.)
- Another sweaty bank trek. At least we had some pina coladas to make it a bit more bearable.
- I've never seen Paul chill out as much as he has this weekend.
- SLJ played "Baby, I Love Your Way" for me. I love SLJ. Clap, clap!
- I wonder if I'll ever tire of conch...

Monday, July 6
- Good half day of fishing - Nassau groupers, turbot and snapper-a-go-go!
- Somehow, we missed the message that our flight was leaving early.
- Eating lunch in the cab as we scurry to the airport/shack.
- After all the effort, flight delayed.
- One more Kalik for the road.
- Heat, flies and mosquitos - the delights of the Marsh Harbor airport/shack.
- Watching the propeller on the plane attempt to sputter to life.
- Had to make a stop. Sigh. Maybe we can have A/C to Ft. Laudy?
- Customs. Ack.
- Home, sweet home - after 90 minutes in line!

Let me know if you like this short 'n' sweet travel recap. It just seemed to fit the quick getaway so well!

But of course I've got a Michael Jackson story!

2009-06-26T12:58:00.002-04:00

I'm still completely gobsmacked over the fact that the Gloved One has rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible (and don't even get me started on Farrah Fawcett). But, thinking about how he has been a part of my life in some way or another since I was a kid, I recalled an incident where I had the privilege of actually performing for Michael. Curious? Read on...

Back in the early 90s, I had a pseudo "acting" gig, working as a "grip" in the Alfred Hitchcock tribute show at Universal Studios Florida (the show was called "Alfred Hitchcock: The Art of Making Movies", but was affectionaltely known as "Itchy-cock" thanks to our Asian tourist friends. I found a clip of the show on YouTube, but I can't embed it, so if you're curious, check out this video. Picture me as the dude in the purple shirt.

My "Itchy-cock" gig was really fun (and super easy). The casts rotated, so I usually did 3-4 20-minute shows in an 8-hour day. Pretty cushy. But, of course, everyone was always trying to get out of shows or swap times so they could sneak out and see an afternoon matinee (that happened a lot). Remember that.

Michael Jackson was on a highly-publicized vacation in Orlando at the time (he was traveling with Macauley Culkin, which was regarded as slightly creepy as I recall.) They came out to Universal and were scheduled to come see our show in the afternoon. According to the schedule, it was MY show. I was beyond psyched and, naturally, my co-workers fell over themselves asking me if I wanted to swap shows with them. Obviuosly, I turned down their gracious offers. I can clearly remember seeing Mike 'n' Mac sitting in the back row of the small theater. When I was introduced, I waved and mouthed "Hi, Michael!" Although my "role" in the show was miniscule, I was so nervous. I did pull it off without a hitch (oops...sorry for the unintentional pun there!) Sadly, there was no "meet and greet" afterwards, but I do have my very own personal MJ memory. Sniffle...

Sunday in Vegas - Drag Queens and Stingers

2009-06-20T19:33:00.005-04:00

Our last full day in Vegas started a little bit late – surprised? Rose headed back before the rest of us went to lunch at RM Seafood (the RM stands for celebrity chef Rick Moonen) in the hotel. The food was really good (my sister got mac ‘n’ cheese that was flavored with jalepeno – she couldn’t eat it, but it sure looked good), but the service was awful. After eating, we went to the Shark Reef for a while (very cool) and then took Mom to the ice bar. I sweet talked the lady there to “upgrade” Mom from a parka to a fur coat, ‘cause Brenda don’t wear no parka. We had two drinks there. I made the mistake of having a stinger for my second drink (I mean, crème de menthe in an ice bar? A match made in heaven, if you ask me!) The bartender was a complete babe, so I had enough liquid courage (and a wedding ring) to go talk to him. I envisioned he and Sue chatting, so I said to him “My friend fancies you.” His name was Alden and he had modeled for Abercrombie and Fitch (with a name like Alden, I think there’s really nothing else you could do.) During this little conversation, Sue beat it out of the bar. Oh well….

Since Vegas is a town where everyone makes at least one bad decision, Sue and I decided to have one more drink before we went upstairs to get ready to go see Jubilee. We went to the Orchid Lounge in the hotel and were waited on by a super sweet bartender named Wayne. He looked like one of the Osmond Brothers and, since there really is a Wayne Osmond, our bartender got a new nickname. We did only have one more drink and got ready to go out. When we got to the theater, Jules and Sue sat down in their seats (down front were the only accessible seats) and Mom, Colleen and I sat up in the cheap seats. Apparently, the show wasn’t sold out, so the ushers came and got us so we could sit with Sue and Jules. And get table service. I wanted a drink, but I got “the look” from Mom and drank water during the show. Sue didn’t. She drank champagne from big old goblets. I had a feeling things weren’t going to end well. Jubilee was everything you would think a big, old school Vegas revue would be. Cheese-o-licious! They had musical numbers depicting Samson and Delilah and, of course, the sinking of the Titanic. Since we were now up front, our tour guide from the day before saw us and we got winked at. For some reason I thought that was so amusing, probably because I’d never seen anyone break character like that before. If you go to Vegas and the show is still running, go see it. It’s so Vegas (and after a while, you really don’t think about the fact that the girls are topless. That’s weird.)

Mom, Sue, Colleen and I all went to dinner afterwards at Stripsteak at our hotel. I don’t think I have ever had French fries as good as the ones I had there. Ever. I also had a killer Kobe beef burger (sorry Anthony Bourdain, I like Kobe burgers!) The best part about dinner was watching Susan try not to look drunk in front of my Mom (even though we’re all grown, there’s just something weird about being tipsy in front of someone’s parents.) She wasn’t doing too well. I was distressed because I had been looking forward to seeing the drag show at Gipsy which featured the gorgeous queen Shannel from “RuPaul’s Drag Race”. I knew Mom and Colleen weren’t going and the way things were looking, Sue wasn’t going to make it either. I was not going back to Florida without seeing the drag show, so I went by myself. God knows I’m no stranger to a gay bar! The cab driver promised me that there would be cabs available outside of the bar when I wanted to leave, so I went in with little trepidation. The show was in progress when I came in and after only a few minutes, Miss Shannel came on stage dressed like Stevie Nicks. I was in heaven! During a break, I met a very nice drag queen from Hawaii named Princess. She was more than happy to talk with me. Her two friends (also drag queens) – not so much. They were downright surly. I went back into the bar to get a ringside seat for the show and two cute boys sat next to me. They were from Odessa, right down the road from my former place of residence, Port Richey (small world!) Don and his partner (I can’t, for the life of me, remember his name) were my best buds for the rest of the night. After the (fabulous) show, I got to meet Shannel, who was gracious and far from the diva she was portrayed as on RuPaul’s show. I even met her mom! As promised, a cab was waiting outside to whisk me back to the Mandalay Bay. It was well worth staying sober for – and a perfect end to a perfect trip. Words just can’t do it justice. I’ll be back soon, Sin City!

40th B-Day Recap - Saturday in Vegas - Cougarlicious!

2009-06-20T19:22:00.007-04:00

Our fun-packed day began with the Jubilee Backstage Tour at Bally’s. Colleen and I went over early (Mom opted out, preferring to rest up for the long day/night ahead) and desperately tried to find a place where we could eat breakfast without having to wait for a million years (you can walk into any restaurant for dinner, but breakfast is a completely different story. Las Vegas must be the breakfast buffet capital of the world. Actually, it’s probably a good thing, because if any of these people are like me, as drinks hit the belly, the need for food seems to diminish greatly – and that results in one drunken night owl. Might as well get a good “base” early. Sadly, Colleen and I ended up at a convenience store in Paris. My breakfast (if you could call it that) was spicy beef jerky and a Michelob Ultra. Breakfast of Champions. We went into the Jubilee Theater for our tour and were delighted to see a recreation of the set of “The Price is Right” on the stage (they do a live version of the show during the day). We took some pictures at “Contestants Row” and couldn’t resist the temptation to sneak up on stage and get our pictures taken on the Showcase set. Being the rabble-rousers we are, other people quickly scurried onto the stage to get their pictures taken as well. This was all well and good until our tour guide came out and caught us all in the act (apparently, this was kind of a no-no.) At least our guide, Patsy, laughed it off. She is one of the dance captains of the show and mentioned the fact that we’d recognize her in the show as “the drunk lady on the Titanic” at least a million times during the one-hour tour. (I’m not kidding.) We had to sign a waiver before going on the actual tour, lest anyone wanted to recreate the infamous “pushing down the stairs” scene from “Showgirls”. The tour was cool – the theater geek in me loved seeing all of the set pieces, costumes and stage mechanisms. We were saddened to see that the stairs that led to the dressing room were curved – not the straight, steel staircase from “Showgirls.” Damn! We learned lots of “fun facts” about being a showgirl – you have to have natural boobs and be at least 5’9” (well, I’m 50% of the way there!) and you have to re-audition for your role every 6 months. That would completely suck (although it reminded me of my days back at Universal, when you’d watch all of the production crews scramble for jobs every time a Nickelodeon show wrapped.) Patsy promised us that if we waved to her during the actual show that she’d wink back. Considering we were in the cheap seats, I figured that wasn’t gonna happen.

After the tour, we grabbed Mom and made a beeline for Dick’s. My lap dance buddy was there, as well as the waiter who made Jules her hat the day before. Of course, the waiter served us. You could actually see him pondering whether or not he should be “rude” to my Mom. He started out nice – and I started to worry that we weren’t going to get the “Dick’s experience” – and then redeemed himself by saying “And we don’t serve water with lemon – EVER – so suck it, old lady!” Yay, waiter! We ambled around for a while, and then Mom and I went to mass (yeah, really!) When I got back to the room, my friend Rose (who I’ve known since I was 5) had arrived and we got ready to go see CHER (you gotta use caps when you’re talking about CHER…and TINA…and FRAMPTON)! Rose didn’t bring any cash with her and she managed to sweet talk the cab driver who drove her from the airport. She left for collateral a photo of her son (very cute collateral indeed!) and promised to call him later so he could take us to Caesars and pay him then. This cabbie, DJ, was a hoot. He was chummy and chatty and my Mom was confused. She asked if Rose actually knew the guy. DJ gave us some fun “taxi tips”, like making sure the drivers traveled down the strip on Frank Sinatra Blvd. instead of Las Vegas Blvd. (if he said it once, he said it a thousand times.) We paid him and headed into the show. As always, CHER was fabulous. Costume changes a-plenty, glitz, glam, wigs, boy dancers – you name it, she brought it. And – I didn’t fall asleep! Woo hoo!

After the show, we had reservations at Rao’s (Rao’s of the overpriced spaghetti sauce Rao’s). Caesars was a complete zoo as we exited the theater and to make matters worse, they had confiscated our cameras before the show. Our reservation was for 9:30, I think it was 9:28 when we got out of the theater. Rose and I made a mad dash to claim our table while Colleen and Mom waited to get the cameras back. We had NO idea where we were going, so we asked the doorman at the Shadow Bar. I don’t know what it was about him, but he was the most handsome man I’d seen in a while. He pointed us in the right direction and we headed off. Rose was under this guy’s spell too. She told me that she hoped I paid attention because his handsomeness was so distracting that she temporarily lost her information retention skills. We all got to the restaurant in dribs and drabs and had a delicious meal. Mom and Colleen went back to the hotel, leaving Rose and I to our own devices. Our first stop was to go back and see the “handsome man”. We asked him (since he looked to be about our age) if he knew of any age-appropriate places we could go and hang out. I know I’m still a “spring chicken” but I didn’t want to be the “old girl in the club.” The question was pretty much just an excuse to get another eyeful of him – and take a photo (the photo you see here just doesn't do him justice).

For sentimental reasons, we decided to stop by the Las Vegas Hilton, in hopes of seeing David, the craps dealer I befriended there last September and Carol, the manager who offered to comp me for breakfast after finding out I had been out of work for a few months. Sadly, they were nowhere to be found, but we did see a sign for an after party for the Monster Garage show – which piqued my interest. Monster Garage is a band made up of a bunch of your old 80s hair band faves and led by Mr. Dee Snider of Twisted Sister. We walked right into the bar and sat down, but there were no aging hair rockers to be found. What was there was the godawful house/cover band Sin City Heat. If there’s one thing that I can truly admit is a guilty pleasure is a cheesy pop cover band, and Sin City Heat is one of the cheesiest (second only to the cover bands they used to have at Disney’s Pleasure Island in the late 80s/early 90s.) We were treated to a few numbers by the band (the only one I can remember is “Crazy In Love” by Beyonce) before they packed it up. As they were ending their set, the bar started to fill up with dudes who obviously were at the Monster Garage show – and the mix of cheesy Vegas-types and middle-aged heavy metal fans was slightly unsettling. Rose and I decided to move on to another adventure and as we walked out, Dee Snider came from downstairs into the bar. What timing! I went up to him and asked for a picture, to which he gladly agreed (he’s a really nice guy.) Rose (who I forgot to mention had on heels that made her over 6’ tall) came up to him for a photo and Dee leaned into me and said “She’s a tall drink of water.” (She is actually taller than him.)

It was around 3:30am, so we went back to the Mandalay Bay and I dragged Rose to the ice bar. We only stayed for one drink because Rose hated the frosty establishment. We went down to the Rumjungle, which we had both patronized before for some late night dancing and caipirihnas. We closed down the place (I still got it!) and, as we were leaving, got chatted up by some boys. We thought we blew them off, but as we walked towards Razzles for an “early breakfast” (hash browns for Rose, a Bloody Mary for me), we found them in front of us in line. I don’t know exactly how, but we all ended up sitting together. The leader of this group, Zack, called me “Cougarlicious” and begged me to make out with him. I’m not a believer in the whole “what happens in Vegas…” thing myself, so I told him “No” in more ways than I could ever imagine there were. Zack was 30 and a lawyer and was there with his friends, one of whom was nicknamed Teabag (I’d lobby for a new moniker if I were him.) Fortunately, Zack’s friends finally dragged him out, so we could return to our room unharassed (the boys did pay the check, so that was cool.) I think it was around 5:30ish when we finally went to bed. Now that's making the most of your day! My recap of my last day (sniffle) is forthcoming...

Friday in Vegas - Dancing with Dicks and Cirque du Snoozay

2009-06-10T14:59:00.006-04:00

(Part two in a long overdue recap of my 40th birthday festivities!)

Well, we didn't sleep in as long as I thought we would...we even made it up in time for breakfast - a late breakfast, mind you, but breakfast nonetheless. We went downstaris to a restaurant called Razzles. Good news: we were seated immediately (because we were all feeling slightly...umm...peckish). Bad news: we were relegated to a secluded area right next to the kitchen. I guess hungry beggars can't be choosers, hmm? We also had a slightly eccentric, slightly surly waiter. In the middle of my order, he just walked away (I pretty much got out "I'll have the -- " and pbbbllltt, he was gone - sorry for the "Hee Haw" reference.) I did have a delicious lobster omelet (even breakfast is decadent in Sin City!) and a Bloody Mary (a morning tradition!)

After filling our tanks, Jules headed off to the massive pool area and Sue and I ventured toward the Excalibur, where my old FSU bud Donavin was staying. I was delighted to discover that there was a Dick's Last Resort there, as the joint was a favorite when I lived in Atlanta. Of course, we had to have a few drinks, for old times' sake (by this time, Jules had joined us, as she couldn't find any space at the overcrowded pool area - can't blame the folks for wanting to hang out, as it was the nicest weather I've ever experienced in Vegas. It was in the mid 70s-low 80s the whole time we were there.) There was a master of ceremonies-type/ringmaster at Dick's, doing a hilarious (and quite low budget) recreation of the Belagio fountain show that had to be seen to be believed and then dissected a good deal of the musical numbers from "Grease". He asked if it was anyone's birthday and of course, me being the closet attention whore that I am, volunteered for a burfday lap dance. I was seated in a chair in the middle of the joint and was promised a "sexy lapdance" from the emcee (did I mention he had a little extra "cushion for the pushin'" - if you know what I mean? See photo above if you don't get it.) Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" pulsed from the overhead speakers and it was ON. Hey, it was way better than the dance I received during my first bachelorette party (which was actually at a male strip club!) Cameras clicked away - the picture above just sums it all up so nicely. We hungout a bit more and watched Donavin and Jules subtly flirt with each other while admiring the parade of hilarious paper hats that walked by (at Dick's they're famous for making the patrons wear these hats, with incredibly lewd things scrawled on them.) Some favorites were "I fart KY Jelly", "Hung like a white boy" (on a black dude, 'natch) and my personal favorites - one man with a "I love to blow bubbles" hat and his buddy wearing a hat that said (of course) "Hi, I'm Bubbles." Jules insisted on getting a hat, so this funny waiter made her one that said "Blah, blah, blah, just stick it in my butt." Classy and understated.

Since Donavin had a "lady friend" waiting for him at the Wynn, we parted ways and the gals and I headed down the strip, ending up at New York New York. We made a beeline to the pub (Nine Fine Irishmen) and ordered up some delicious imported brews and an assortment of fried potatoes and onions. Yum! Afterwards, Sue decided that she wanted one of those chair massages. I was pretty buzzed by this time, but a massage sounded pretty damn good and, "What the hell, it's my birthday!", I forked over my $20 for a damn good massage. Despite being smack dab in the center of a noisy casino, it was pretty darned relaxing! Before we left, we had one more drink (why not, right?) and met some guy who had also recently turned 40. The only reason I remember meeting him was that I found a photo with him on my camera (one of those "Oh...yeah...!" moments, to be sure.)

We returned to Mandalay Bay to get ready for dinner and the show. I put some of my famous "doe-eyed look" individual lashes (probably the only advice I've ever actually used from Cosmo) on Jules - and they stayed on her for the rest of the trip. We went to the MGM Grand for dinner and the Cirque du Soleil show Ka. We had a craving for sushi (well...I always have a craving for sushi), so we ate at the Grand Wok. The hostess there was strikingly beautiful (a petite Asian woman with impeccably applied makeup and a sleek, bob hairdo.) She looked like a model, but was surprisingly camera shy. This was all it took for us to make it our mission to get a photo of her. She was very wily - we never got the picture. The sushi was okay (I've definietly had better), but at least I was eating at regular intervals - unlike my last trip to Vegas when I only had 2 miniscule slices of pizza at Spago to soak up 15 hours worth of booze. It wasn't pretty.

After dinner, we went to see Ka. All of the ushers were "in character" and wore very elaboarte costumes. Pre-show, there were periodic shots of flames and performers tethered to big bungees swinging over the stage and onto various set pieces along the sides of the stage. It was pretty cool. So far, so good. Unfortunately, the oversized plush seats were a little too comfy and, as the theater darkened and the signature Cirque new-agey, pipe flute-laden music began to play (toodle-dee-dooooo...), I started to find myself in an epic battle between staying awake and passing out. I was in and out of consciousness for the duration of the show - despite more flames, tilting stages, stage combat, applause and stomping around. Irish beer will do that to you. After my very expensive nap, we ventured over to Studio 54 for what amounted to a nightcap (Sue and Jules were getting up early the next morning to go to the Grand Canyon. To me "getting up early" and "Las Vegas" never belong in the same sentence, but maybe that's just me. Of course, I had my "second wind" (and didn't have to get up early) so I was rarin' to go. We met a nice man from Canada who was handing out panther panties to all of the ladies (for real - he said it was "for charity". I didn't know there was a need to donate thong panties to ladies who frequent Vegas nightclubs.) He offered to "take care of me" so I could stay out longer. That's never a good idea, so I headed back to the hotel for a (somewhat) early sleep. We had a big Saturday, so the slumber definitely did me good...more to come!

Vegas Memories - the Thursday Edition

2009-05-20T19:10:00.013-04:00

I apologize for not getting these up sooner! I also apologize for the length of them, I can't figure out how to break them up - damn you, Blogger!

After spending an incredibly uneventful 40th birthday the day before (P. was out of town, but my office threw me a little shindig, so that was nice.) I did entertain the thought of taking the big day off (I kept thinking about that old Jim Gaffigan bit, “I can’t believe I’m going to work on my birthday. I can’t believe I’m doing laundry on my birthday. I can’t believe I’m paying for sex on my birthday.”) but knowing that I’d probably be dropping some major coin in LV, I decided to go in (besides, what would I do?) But, I digress…I flew into Las Vegas via AirTran, and did the old upgrade thing for the Atlanta-Vegas leg. On the way I watched “Tropic Thunder” on my Touch and corrupted the nice young attorney sitting next to me. He ordered coffee, I ordered a rum ‘n’ diet Coke. He quickly changed his order and followed suit. I’m such a bad influence! I arrived in Vegas in the early afternoon and, fortunately, so did my bag. I took a cab to the Mandalay Bay and checked in. Our room was lovely – 29th floor with a view of the massive pool area. I decided to take a walk around and get the “lay of the land”, because I knew that if I tried to take a nap, I’d pass out and miss the evening’s festivities (which would have been a crime!) As I walked through the casino and luxurious Mandalay Place shopping center, I pondered what was to be my first big decision of the trip – my first Sin City libation. I opted to go “tacky tourist” and grab a squooshy bottle full of 180 Octane (with a bonus shot of 151) from Fat Tuesday. Classy…

I returned to my room and got all dolled up for the big event – a VIP experience with Donny and Marie. Yes, that Donny and Marie. I figured that since my Peter Frampton meet-up aspirations were going nowhere, I could at least meet another of my early idols. I even brought the album cover (“Songs from the Television Show”) that I brought to school with me every day during D&M’s television heyday (the one with “A Little Bit Country” and “Deep Purple” on it.) I put on my snazzy new red satin dress and took a cab to the Flamingo. I grabbed a bite to eat (lettuce wraps - and a few Malibu ‘n’ diet Cokes for good measure) at a little bar called Voga before the show and enjoyed the scenery, it was “cute boy-o-rama” at the Flamingo for some reason. Once the theater doors opened, I got my VIP laminate and took my seat in the very front of the place. One thing about people who attend a Donny and Marie show, they’re chatty. I made friends quickly with the people at my table, a couple who were there for the fourth time. A nice gal from California, also there solo, named Kim and I bonded quickly. You’re never alone at a Donny and Marie show. The show itself was cheese-o-licious. D&M sang some songs together (and Donny grabbed my hand…I was in heaven). Marie then had her solo time, singing show tunes, a little bit of country (‘natch) and even an opera number. Her voice was awesome (since I was so close, I could hear her voice before it even hit the microphone), and she hasn’t gained back any of the weight she lost on Nutri-System. Donny, of course, was awesome – and yes, he sang “Soldier of Love” (I loved that song in the 80s.) I particularly enjoyed the sassy boy dancer who asked me how I was doing in the middle of the show. At the end of the show, we got on line to have some “quality time” with D&M. To their credit, they were all smiles and niceness to every single person in line (and I’ve got to imagine it’s gotta get “old” after a while.) While I waited, I was fascinated with a couple in front of me – a middle-aged dude with a fabulous blow-dried mullet and his artificially-enhanced, bleached-blond wife (picture what Loni Anderson’s character from “WKRP” would look like today. Not Loni, just her character.) Of course, I keeping with my awkward celebrity encounters, when it was my turn to chit chat, I immediately screamed “I love you!” at Donny. Like I said, these two were sweet to a fault and gamely played along. When I told Marie the sad tale of the battered album cover, she said to me “You are ADORABLE!” Well, that made my trip (actually, that and hugging Donny, which I repeatedly told my friend Susan for the rest of the trip. Me: “You know, I hugged Donny Osmond.” Susan : “I KNOW!”) Kim and I waited around for almost an hour after the show to get our pictures and I bought the only ones where I wasn’t completely fawning over D&M (and boy, there were a lot of those!) And the night was still young!

In a state of complete, celebrity-induced euphoria, I headed back to the Mandalay Bay, where Sue and Julia were getting settled in. They had a very chummy flight attendant on their flight and were enjoying a few complimentary tiny bottles of booze when I got back to the room. We got our act together and went in search of a place to keep the party going. We didn’t go far – we ended up at a bar made of ice in Mandalay Place. It’s called Minus 5, and it ended up being my unofficial “hangout” for the rest of the trip. It was crowded at the bar and we had to wait at the adjoining “lodge” before we could bundle up in parkas, booties and gloves and head into to the booze freezer. Jules went off to the little girl’s room and Sue and I went in and ordered a round of dirty martinis (mmmm…) Time ticked on, and Jules was nowhere to be found. We looked for her and called her cell phone. Nothing. Finally, a kid dressed in a penguin suit came over, pulled his mask up and asked us if we were with a girl in a wheelchair. He told us she had already gone into the ice bar. We asked him if he could get her back out and he said “I’m just a penguin” (this was his stock line, as Julia was the one who sent him out to find us in the first place and, when she asked him to fetch us, he repeated his catchy catchphrase. “I’m just a penguin” rapidly became the battle cry for the rest of the trip.) This is, believe it or not, the only night of the trip that ended a little “fuzzy” for me. In typical me fashion, I did fall down, but I didn’t get sick – and was up relatively early the next day for more fun!

A Vegas Appetizer...

2009-05-02T14:11:00.001-04:00

This week I promise to get stories and memories up from my fabulous Vegas trip - but, in the interim, I thought you may enjoy this. I love those stupid "LOLZ" (especially the dog ones), so I made my first (somewhat half-assed) attempt at one of my own, featuring one of the awesome drag queens I saw last Sunday in Sin City. So...here goes...

Likey?

Adventures in 80s Land, Part Two

2009-04-17T14:32:00.002-04:00

Okay, since I realized I had a hell of a lot more to say about VH-1’s “Greatest One Hit Wonders of the ‘80s” than I thought I did, here are some random thoughts on selections #49-1. At least by this time, I had a pretty good buzz going…

One thought that kept recurring in my head during the first few hours of this countdown was “Where the HELL is “Shaddap You Face” by Joe Dolce?

I saw the Georgia Satellites (“Keep Your Hands to Yourself”, #46) open for Tom Petty back in 1987 at the “legendary” Hollywood Sportatorium (which we all referred to as the “Snortatorium”, or the “Snort” for short. ) In keeping with the tradition of the venue, my then-boyfriend smoked an impressive amount of pot that night.

Robbie Nevil (“C’est la Vie”, #45) is another one I thought went beyond one hit wonder-dom. My girl Teej and I used to jam out to the dance mix of “Wot’s It To Ya” back in the day. Good times.

I auditioned for the Pom Pom squad in high school (and made the team, thankyouverymuch) in 1985, and I remember that Shannon’s “Let the Music Play” (#43) was played over and over that afternoon. Girlfriend can still do splits, sadly, I can’t say the same.

I still hate “Break My Stride” (#39). It could be one of my most hated pop songs ever. The singer had a bad white dude perm and porn ‘stache too. Yuck.

I forgot that one of the Weather Girls died. Sadness….

John Parr. Great mullet – and he’s still rocking it. You go, boy. I liked “Naughty Naughty” a heck of a lot better than “St. Elmo’s Fire (#28.)

The lead singer of Cutting Crew (“I Just Died In Your Arms”, #26) is dead too? That sucks.

Did anyone else think Eddy “Electric Avenue” Grant was hot?

I really didn’t need to see close-ups of Pete Burns’ (Dead or Alive, “You Spin Me Round” - #19) pus-filled, cosmetic surgery-destroyed lips. What a train wreck.

DEVO (“Whip It”, # 15) never struck me as a one hit wonder either. They had a bunch of cool songs – I mean, “Working in a Coalmine”? “Love Without Anger”? “Peek-A-Boo”? Come on, VH-1!

I forgot how much Big Country rocked – and how much of a crush I used to have on Stuart Adamson. (I do remember being quite saddened to learn of his suicide back in the mid-90s.) Big Country was the first parent-free concert I ever attended. I’m going to download “In A Big Country” (#14) and “Fields of Fire” when I get home.

I wish I still had my “Frankie Say Relax” t-shirt.

At this point, I retired the pen and paper (damn you, wine!) But I really had nothing overly relevant to say about the top 10 (like any of what I’ve written has any relevance!) I will admit that I didn’t see Dexy’s Midnight Runners (“Come On Eileen”) as the #1 one hit wonder. I danced with an adorable boy in Ireland to that song (I was on the Emerald Isle the summer that song was at the top of the charts. Memories…)

All I can say is I’m so happy I finally have something to post! With P. traveling for work more, I hope to update this blog a bit more often (hope is the operative word here!)

Nostalgia and Wine

2009-04-17T14:18:00.005-04:00

I have meant to post here for a long time, but there’s just not enough time in the day to work, have family time and nurture my creativity (and, admittedly, to watch the TV shows rapidly piling up on my DVR.) One such DVR purge allowed me to revisit the days of cassingles and party mix tapes – VH-1’s “Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 80s”. That's five hours I could have spent doing much more productive things, but as I am positively speeding to the big 4-0, I thought the stroll down godawful pop music lane was just what the doctor ordered to cure my slight malaise at hitting middle age. Well, that and a fine wine. During the show, I took notes (hey, at least I was writing something), so I now proudly present “Fun Facts from 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80s.”

I actually made reference to the lyrics to the Clarence Clemons/Jackson Browne song “You’re A Friend of Mine” (#100) in my senior yearbook. That’s almost as embarrassing as my senior picture. Almost.

“Pac Man Fever” (#98) could be the dumbest song ever (well, except perhaps for “The Curley Shuffle”).

Peter Frampton should be allowed to beat the living snot out of Will to Power for their completely anemic cover of “Baby, I Love Your Way” (#97). The version of the song in “Reality Bites” was almost as horrific.

Around the time The Fabulous Thunderbirds were popular (“Tuff Enuff”, #96), they appeared on MTV’s Spring Break coverage in an oyster eating contest with some frat guys. One of them (the frat boys, not the band members) was my then-boyfriend (and he skipped my sorority formal for that. Scumbag.)

I still adore Haircut 100’s “Love Plus One” (#90) – and just learned that Nick Heyward was singing “Ring” and not “Reg” (with a hard “g”) in that song.

I’d love to see Nik Kershaw sing “Wouldn’t It Be Good” (#88) again. We saw him back in the 80s when he opened for Paul Young (remember him?)

Best misquoted song by my Mom ever – Paul Lekakis’ “Boom Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room)” (#83). I didn’t like that song until I heard my Mom’s interpretation of it – I think she felt it was one of the signs of the apocalypse.

The lead singer of Red Rider (“Lunatic Fringe”, #82) is Tom Cochrane, who also sang “Life is a Highway” (who knew?)

Alannah Myles (“Black Velvet”, #79) is a witch.

Most annoying song of all time? J.J. Fad’s “Supersonic” (#76) – one of my younger sister’s faves. Still makes my butt pucker to this day.

Contrary to what it says in the Paul Hardcastle song “19” (#73), the average age of a soldier fighting in Vietnam was 23.

Swing Out Sister’s “Breakout” (#72) always reminds me of my college roommate, Chet. I miss that guy.

I actually paid money to see Jack “Frisco” Wagner in concert (“All I Need”, #71). In my defense, I took my younger sister (who was a huge fan) to see him for her confirmation present. The low point of the show was when he sang a song he wrote about world hunger called “Don’t Forget How Lucky We Are”. Really.

(I obviously wrote this after the wine started getting to me.) Eminem sampled Martika’s “Toy Soldiers” (#67) – crap can be recycled! (Friends don’t let friends drink and write.)

Jeff Healey (“Angel Eyes”, #66) will still be the most famous blind singer since Stevie Wonder. Sorry, “American Idol” contestant Scott (I did initially write this stuff before he was eliminated!)

I always liked the Boomtown Rats song “Up All Night” waaay better than “I Don’t Like Mondays” (#65). Anyone else?

Cheesy as it might be (and it is) Robbie Dupree’s “Steal Away” (#64) is still quite listenable.

The first song I didn’t really know in this countdown is Oran “Juice” Jones’ “The Rain” (#63).

I don’t really think XTC was a one hit wonder (“Dear God”, #62).

“Da Butt” (#61). Aaah, the memories. Back in my carefree college days, we used to play a drinking game to this song – every time the word “butt” was uttered, we drank. It was all fun and games until I bought the 12” remix! It was easily a three-beer song.

Nu Shooz (“I Can’t Wait”, #60) wasn’t really a one hit wonder – they also did “Point of No Return”, which was an MTV staple for quite a while, as I recall.

I know that Outlook had more than one hit (“Your Love”, #59). One hit album, definitely, but more than one hit (I always liked “All the Love in the World”.) They played the FSU Homecoming Pow Wow one year. U of Florida always had kick-ass homecoming concerts (big name comedians and such), we always had more pedestrian fare like Rod Stewart and Jimmy Buffett (fortunately I am a “Margarita Man” fan, and was a borderline Parrothead in college.)

I never liked Johnny Kemp’s “Just Got Paid” (#55) until I heard N*SYNC’s remake of it. Does that make me evil?

#53 – “Puttin’ on the Ritz.” TACO! He’s big in Germany. So is David Hasslehoff.

Poor Falco. Not only did “Rock Me Amadeus” not make the cut, but his version of “Der Kommissar” didn’t either. The English version by After the Fire (#51) beat him out.

“Buffalo Stance” by Neneh Cherry (#50) surprisingly still holds up.

Sheesh…this is a long post. I’ll reserve #s 49-1 for another entry. Two in one day? Unprecedented!

Happy 200th, Abe!

2009-02-12T19:38:00.002-05:00

I figured that since there are already a million completely humiliating pictures of me on Facebook, I'd share this. There are so many things wrong here...the extensions...the fake bake (no, I'm not wearing white gloves!)...if the whole pic was here, you could also see the denim cutoff shorts. Egads. Hey, I was young (this was taken in 1997.) What I always wanted to know was what the hell was Abe Lincoln doing in Daytona Beach?

Facebook is my new shrink

2009-01-29T14:17:00.002-05:00

I love the Facebook. Not only have I found a bunch of people I haven't heard from in years (and one I never wanted to ever set eyes on again), but I'm learning even more about myself - and how dysfunctional I truly am.

Take, for example, this list of "25 Things People Might Not Know About Me." Would you send a friend request to this person?

1. I am obsessed with Peter Frampton (actually, a lot of people know that).
2. The movie I have seen the most is “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (see item #1), which I have seen well over 100 times (including watching it with Patrick Williams on my 21st birthday, the morning of which my purse – and ID – were stolen…and it was a Sunday. Sucks to be me. My purse, car and $750 from my bank account/credit card were stolen on my 22nd birthday, but that’s another story.)
3. I am desperately trying to write a book. I have some short stories, but that’s about it (who has the time?)
4. My dream job is to be a stand-up comedian (Mike, you were responsible for this!) I did do improv in Atlanta for a few years, and would actually love to do it again.
5. When people win awards or get any kind of special recognition on TV, I get teary-eyed.
6. I harbor a deep-seeded fascination with Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell and have every single one of her Spice Girl dolls. I’m not kidding.
7. I wish I could sing above the quality of a karaoke singer (which I’ve been told I’m not too bad at – by drunk people.)
8. I want to learn Japanese and to play the guitar.
9. I loathe peas.
10. I have never seen “It’s A Wonderful Life.” For some reason, this annoys people.
11. I’m not fond of children (in general – my friends’ kids - and the kids in my immediate and extended families - are an exception to the rule, because they’re all angels, of course. I will only ever be a mommy to Boo (my white Shepard.)
12. I have completed five half marathons, and am training for my sixth. This is coming from a girl who was ranked as the worst high school cross country runner in 1985 (and due to loads of knee problems, I actually walk the races.)
13. I played a “fish farmer” (otherwise known as an extra) on an episode of “SeaQuest DSV”, and got to “act” with Michael York.
14. I was cast as Marilyn Munster for Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights back in 1997. Sadly, I never got to perform (but neither did the kid they cast as Eddie.)
15. I was a full-time vegetarian for a few years. I went veggie because I saw (on an episode of “Pop Up Video”) that Fiona Apple lost ten pounds when she went meat-less. Nowadays, I try, but I can’t resist sushi and the occasional chicken wing. I very rarely eat red meat.
16. I have an ever-increasing respect for the music of Barry Manilow.
17. My most embarrassing celebrity encounter was meeting Eric Idle and, after mentally rehearsing an eloquent, intelligent speech complementing him on his body of work (especially “The Rutles”), I blurted out “You’re my favorite Monty Python guy!” (I was much cooler when I met Tim Curry.)
18. I could go to theme parks every single day – even though I worked at EPCOT (Journey Into Imagination/Captain EO and Communicore), Disney’s Hollywood Studios (Star Tours) and Universal (I was a “grip” in the stage show at the Hitchcock attraction and was a VIP studio guide for about two years.) I was also a CNN tour guide (twice!)
19. The day I can no longer eat obnoxiously spicy food will be the worst day of my life.
20. I didn’t have a real boyfriend until I was 17. Although, my first boy/girl “date” was seeing “Chariots of Fire” with Michael Clare in 1981.
21. I love “judge” shows (Judy, Mathis, People’s Court) and true crime documentaries and books.
22. I have way too many books in my library that I never finished – and a few I haven’t read at all.
23. I have visited Ireland, England, Jamaica, the Carribean, Mexico, Costa Rica, Australia, France, Scotland, Canada and Japan, but my dream vacation still involves going to LA to be on “The Price is Right” – and I have to play Plinko.
24. If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d have to pick Atlanta, with LA coming in a close second.
25. I am rarely ever not in high heels. When I lived in Orlando, I often bought them from a stripper store.
26. It was surprisingly hard coming up with this list!

Recapist

2009-01-07T13:46:00.003-05:00

I'm very proud of my "Rock of Love Bus" recap on the site that I thought I'd link it here. (Just in case you don't think I'm still writing or anything....)

Cut and Paste...2009 Resolutions

2009-01-02T10:29:00.002-05:00

I was so tempted to just recycle last year's resolution post, but I decided to write a brand-spankin' new list of New Year's resolutions that I'll recycle in 2010. So, anywhoo....

As always, I could stand to lose a few pounds. I'd like to make more of a concerted effort to go back to eating more vegetarian products, as I felt better when I did. I haven't been a regular at the gym either, which can be attributed to my difficulty sleeping and having to get up early to go to work (not that I'm complaining...I love my job!) I just need to get back into a shape of some sort - mainly so I don't have to buy any new clothes. Shopping bores me anymore. That's sad.

Since I'm (still...and probably will always be) obsessed with matters of weight, resoultion #1 had to be what it is. I think the most important resoultion is to write more - not just the stuff I'm paid to write from 9 to 5, but these (terribly neglected) blogs of mine. I'm never going to get a book going (or a pamphlet for that matter), if I don't hunker down and write a little bit more. I have lots to say (although it doesn't look that was as of late) and I need to get cracking!

You know what? I really don't have anything else. I think these two are pretty all-encompassing. I do resolve to have a killer 40th birthday - but that's pretty easy. Especially with my friends. I guess I'll end this post with a promise to have another one up very soon! Happy '09, y'all!

A belated present to you...

2008-12-26T10:02:00.003-05:00

Since I'm holding down the fort at the office today (which means sitting at my desk hoping that there are no emergencies), I have a little free time. So, I thought I'd give all of you a little day after Christmas present. This is the only laugh out loud scene from "Step Brothers" - which is sad because I think Will Ferrell is generally a hoot and I adore John C. Reilly. The true hilarity ensues at :54. Enjoy...

(Damn! You gotta see it on YouTube, it's not embeddable - here's the link: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=XUXOtCOnS4s&feature=related)

You're welcome!

I forgot to give you a hug...

2008-12-24T11:16:00.003-05:00

Just in case I don't post before Santa Claus arrives, Merry Christmas to all of my loyal (and patient) readers (all one of you)! I will be posting my list of New Year's resolutions soon (actually, I can probably cut and paste the list from last year) and hope that Santa leaves some time management skills under the tree for me this year, so I can write more (the stuff I'm not getting paid for.) This has been a pretty good year - working the job of my dreams, losing it, getting a new job that's almost as wonderful (because I have to go to an office, that's the only reason it hasn't reached the awesomeness of working for Buzznet.) Along the way, I've had some fun times with the pals and the hubby and cleaned up more dog hair than I'd care to recall. Here's hoping you get what you want from the portly, red-suited one!

Happy (Almost) Halloween

2008-10-30T20:44:00.003-04:00

It's sad that after such a long absence from this blog, that I had to return just to show off the saddest pumpkin in the world. I could have kept it a shameful secret shared with a few, wine-soaked friends at a party, but nooooo...I am a glutton for punishment. So, here goes...

I can explain. I thought it would be nifty to carve my pumpkin to resemble Gene Simmons of KISS (the makeup wearing Gene, who I think is cool. The real Gene strikes me as a complete douchenozzle.) I tried to draw a "pattern" with a Sharpie (can you see where I'm going here?) and ended up just drawing my own interpretation of Gene, sans makeup. I was trained in the arts, but drawing was definitely not one of them. And it's probably better to keep me away from sharp implements anyway.

So...anywhoo...Happy Halloween, everybody! No trick, I fully plan on recapping Napa, Vegas and general events in my life real soon!

My New Comedy Crush

2008-09-12T22:16:00.002-04:00

Move over Eddie Izzard, I have a rival for my comedic affections in the form of Russell Brand. Yes, the guy who so awkwardly tried to host the VMAs recently. I thought he was hilarious in"Forgetting Sarah Marshall", but apparently America forgot about his performance already. I've seen way too many people say he's not funny, so I want to come to his defense. The guy is a riot. I DVR-ed a special on BBC America recently (because Eddie Izzard was promised) and I finally got to see Russell do some stand up. If you love Eddie (and I do), you can't help but laugh at this (anyone who does a meerkat joke is a-ok in my book!) Enjoy...

Unemployment Sucks

2008-09-09T17:18:00.003-04:00

I'm getting depressed. No one seems to want Sugar. I think there's only one cure for the sadness that ails me, and that's a picture of a baby panda.

I'm feeling better. How about one more?

Well, I'd still like a job, but now at least I have a smile on my jobless face!

R.I.P. Mr. Reed...

2008-09-03T22:27:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I let almost two days pass without paying my respects to the late, great Jerry Reed. One of my all-time favorite (and still unavailable on DVD) movies is the 1979 classic "Hot Stuff." Between that and "Smokey and the Bandit," I always loved Jerry Reed - don't ask me why. Sadly, ol' Jer' shook off his mortal coil on Monday. So, as a small tribute, enjoy the first few minutes of "Hot Stuff," filmed in my hometown of Miami (until YouTube takes it down, of course...)

When you're hot, you're hot...but when you're Jerry Reed, you'll always be hot. Rest in peace, Jerry.

Hello, I'm Old

2008-08-31T01:09:00.002-04:00

Oh my God. I can't go to bed, because I am addicted to VH-1 Classic's "80 Hours of the 80s." Every time I try to go to bed, they dust off an old video classic that I have to watch. The latest nostalgic moment came from Grace Jones' "Slave to the Rhythm" video (if you want to see it, you have to go to YouTube, because it's allegedly "adults only".) Now, they've moved on to Howard Jones. They're currently playing "No One Is To Blame," but for my money, there's no better Ho-Jo song than "Like To Get To Know You Well"- which was also featured in one of my favorite high school flicks, "Better Off Dead." Please, enjoy...and if you're Ricky, I'm truly sorry your Mom blew up...

P.S. Mark Goodman looks old. Not that I really care, I was more of an Alan Hunter girl. If you got that, I love you already.

Happy B-day, Little Sis

2008-07-31T22:25:00.002-04:00

I'm headed down to Naples tomorrow, to see my youngest sister, so we can all celebrate her 35th birthday. For some reason, I was compelled to seek out this video, and I can think of no more fitting b-day tribute to my li'l Widget. Happy, happy (joy, joy) Keirnan...

Really, what could be better than Eric Idle (my "favorite Monty Python guy." I'm sure he tells people that story to this day) and a penguin?

Good Lord, I'm Old...

2008-07-29T11:08:00.002-04:00

...Or "My Husband is a Dork." Well, I had a very blog-worthy incident recently. On Sunday, the hubs and I went out to "Cocktail Cove" - an area where boats anchor up and the margaritas flow like water. It's a magical place, really. So, anywhoo, one of our Cove Buddies came up with the brilliant idea of crafting a floating Beer Pong table. And, that Sunday, I played my first-ever game of Beer Pong. The whole Beer Pong phenomenon started after I graduated from FSU. My hubby, on the other hand, was a veteran of the game, and he's only three years younger than I am. How did this happen? When I brought up the drinking game I am most adept at, Pigs, he looked at me like I was insane. Last night, when we talked about it again, he thought Pigs was a companion game to the other games people "my age" would play, like "parchesi or cribbage." Yeah, he's kind of a dork, isn't he?

More Journey Love...

2008-07-24T14:42:00.001-04:00

Journey and Brendan Fraser? I think I've died and gone to heaven....

Damn You, VH-1!

2008-07-14T16:37:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd take a break from my frustrating job search and cruise the boob tube for a little while. I noticed that VH-1 Classic had on a concert by one of my all-time favorite bands, Journey, so I thought that nothing would bring a little sunshine to my day like a little Steve Perry. And, to my surprise it was not the Journey of my youth, but the Journey tribute band, the Neal Schon Project. I'm always one to root for the underdog but I'm sorry, no one who won lead singer duties for a band with a YouTube video is a member of my Journey. And...it's VH-1 Classic anyway, doesn't that mean it should be the classic members (I know Steve Perry wasn't one of the original members of Journey either, but Perry-era Journey kicked ass)? So, as a tribute to the line-up that had me drawing scarab spaceships on all of my notebooks in high school, I bring you what I should have been watching this afternoon...

Notice I didn't go with the obvious, "Don't Stop Belivin'" - "Stone In Love" is an unappreciated gem of a ditty.

Will Write for Sustenance...

2008-06-24T00:44:00.002-04:00

Yeah, this post should have been written sooner, but I am, once again, living off the gub'ment for a little while. The whole "celebrity journalism" thing just didn't work out for me. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that my "office" was across the country from me - oh, and that I was probably too nice. How can you write terrible things about people you don't even know? There are some people in my past that I'm not too fond of, but I don't even think I could write anything mean about them for public consumption. So, I'm hoping that my (hopefully brief) period of unemployment will allow me a chance to get refocused on my writing and my real goals in life. So...I'm not promising...but I hope to post a lot more here and on FFMF (oh, that poor blog) over the next few weeks. Let's see how I do, hmmm?

One More Year

2008-04-22T20:56:00.004-04:00

Sigh. Yup, I'm 39. Can you believe it? One more year and I'm 40 - which they say is the new 30 - "they" being people who are probably 50 or older. But hey, I'm still desperately clinging to my youth (I'd like to stick around my late 20s as my "youth" if I could). Of course, I've spent this year's b-day (so far) doing things that celebrate my old-ness. Take for example this past weekend where my high school girlfriends and I went to see Earth Wind & Fire. Yep, no Good Charlotte or that Vampire band or even Foo Fighters. Earth, Wind and Freakin' Fire. And they didn't even sing "Love's Holiday."

I'll have more reflections later. I promise.

Tomorrow...it's only 4 days away

2008-03-18T17:31:00.002-04:00

Yeah, yeah, I promised an update, so an update you will get. Pictures, however, are a different story.

Let's see, career-wise, things are fantastic. I don't think I've ever put "career" and "fantastic" in the same sentence ever before. I work for Buzznet as a web producer for Pacific Coast News, a paparazzi agency. So I'm again back in the world of celebrity journalism - kinda like my days at Planet Hollywood, but I don't have to kiss Sly or Bruce's ass anymore, which is a definite plus. I'm also still writing the recaps for Recapist, so with all of the writing I'm doing, I rarely have time for recreational writing anymore, which is kind of a pity, as I finally got inspired and have a great idea for a book. I guess that's what retirement is for, hmm?

In other news, Paul and I just celebrated our third anniversary on March 3rd, which is a big deal for me. After the first go-round, I would have never believed I'd be married ever again, let alone for 3 whole years. Yay, me. And a big yay to Paul, of course. Paul and I went to Hawaii just last month and Paul came to cheer me on for my third Walt Disney World Half Marathon in January. If I can photoshop myself slim enough, I'll put those pics up soon.

Ummm...I finally saw Van Halen last month as well as Barry Manilow - a concert to which I won a trip to Vegas to see him again. How come that never happens at a Peter Frampton show? I know there's been some other stuff I wanted to write about, but I get a free moment and everything just gets forgotten. I will re-collect my (non) thoughts and post more soon!

Enough Already

2008-03-14T19:47:00.003-04:00

Yes, I truly suck. It has been entirely too long since I've updated this blog. Since I spend all day writing about celebrities and trying to be witty, this blog has taken a back seat to my work (don't even get me started on the Frampton blog!)Sooo, in an attempt to get back on the horse, here's a coupla videos from the YouTube.

First off is the first sketch from Mike Nesmith's "Elephant Parts." I cannot tell you how many times I watched this when I was a kid. I loved the Monkees so much and I thought Nesmith was a genius. A lot of it is pretty dated, but this still cracks me up. Enjoy.

The next clip I was SO happy to finally find. It's Steve Martin doing a parody of the "Billie Jean" video. I love that his wig of Michael Jackson curls is white. This sketch made my grandfather laugh so hard, he was crying.

I promise to put up a uber update tomorrow!

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T15:46:00.000-05:00

Hey, it's time for the yearly, never-kept but always listed resolutions! Somehow, in my tiny mind, if I write these down, I'll be more apt to stick to them. Who knows - at least I'm posting on my blog (resolution #1) and I'll try to keep up with my Frampton website a little better in '08, as I am revamping the whole thing (resolution #2.)

I vow to kick ass and take names with Buzznet (resolution #3) and learn a thing or two about time management (resolution #4). I'm going down to one big race per year (WDW half), so I need to train and lose a coupla lbs. (resolution #5) - to that end, I'm going back to a pesca-vegetarian lifestyle (resoultion #6.) As I eat more healthy food, I am going to finally take the hand off my heart and recycle (resolution #7.) I need to make more time for church (#8) and hubby (#9) and, as cliche as it sounds, I really need to get in touch with my feelings, and everything that entails (big #10!)

So, merry new year everybody - 2008 looks to be an awesome year!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-22T21:26:00.000-05:00

I ask you, what says "Merry Christmas" better than Fishbone? Enjoy!

Dumb-ass Video of the Day

2007-11-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

Sugar's phone's been ringing off the hook with job offers (when it rains, it pours around here) so, appropos of absolutely nothing, except a random thought during a series of late-night Googling, I bring you this...

Guess I have to 'splain. The movie "Hot Stuff" came out in the late 70s, and was one of the first "PG" movies I ever saw (with my Dad...hi, Dad!) For whatever reason, it never came out on DVD, so I have an awful VHS dub off some cable network as my only reminder of it. It was set in (and filmed in) my (then) hometown of Miami and had Jerry Reed (who always reminded me of my Uncle Larry) in it. If you know me, 'nuff said. If you don't, you're probably scratching your head right about now. Suffice it to say, YouTube has brought me yet another wonderful trip down memory lane!

A Saturday Diversion

2007-11-03T21:21:00.000-04:00

I so wish I could take credit for finding this, but I saw it on "Ellen" one day when I was at the gym. (Since I'm currently a "lady of leisure", a nice way of saying "unemployed", I can arrange my training sessions for my January race to coincide with some of my favorite TV shows. I have been scheduling my gym time so I can watch the new "Price is Right" with Drew Carey - who I am strangely attracted to. The next time I am in California, I am SO going on that show! But, I digress..) So, anyway, when we were in Japan, I never got to see this show, and it's just as well, as I'd probably never leave the room. Behold...Brain Wall...

I defy you not to laugh. This and a cho-hui...heaven!

Yay!

2007-11-02T23:18:00.000-04:00

I know this is interesting to no one else but me, but the Spice Girls are back! If I weren't unemployed, I'd so be there for their reunion tour, but they are paying nowhere near Florida - and dammit, Geri, you owe me one (as I was the oldest "fan" at the Spice Girls concert in Atlanta back in in '98!) So, as long as it's on YouTube, here's their new video...

Ginger, I beg you, pleeeeease come down to see me!

Coming Soon...

2007-10-22T20:01:00.000-04:00

Yes, these people are bringing a new child into the world! Congrats to one of my bestest buddies, Carrie and her hubby Jeff as they are pregnant! (Well, actually Carrie's doing all of the "heavy lifting.") And, for those of you who were wondering, I'm still quite content with Boo - although P. and I are thinking of using this picture to send out at Christmas, just to confuse people...

That's our niece, in case you're wondering (and it explains how she could be P.'s kid. My mother is passing this off as her granddaughter, I can assure you of that!) This week, I promise tales from California and Wine Fest!

Nothing to See Here...

2007-10-09T16:33:00.000-04:00

Well, everything's still kinda same-old, same-old in my "exciting" life. I may have a lead on a very cool job, but I'm not at liberty to say right now. I went to Long Island, New York this past weekend with P. (who's in the middle of the "Road Trip from Hell".) There was much fishing (I actually impressed P.'s friend Andy, a professional angler, with my mad fishing skillz), eating (probably too much eating) and drinking (I even, inadvertedly, ordered a Long Island Iced Tea!) P. introduced his friends to his "trademark shot", the Backdraft. A splendid time was had by all.

This weekend is Wine Fest, and I promise a thorough report, and photos up until the point where everything gets blurry! More later!

Welfare Mama

2007-09-27T18:42:00.001-04:00

Yep, I'm sucking on the gub'ment teat right now, which sucks. Big time. Today I had to go to the unemployment office (optimistically called the "One Stop Career Center" or something close to that) for "orientation" (sounded scary). What a waste of time - at least it was only 30 minutes. One of the gals crammed in the teeny office with me actually took a phone call while the lady in charge was talking to us. That's cojones. So, I'm still unemployed and looking!

Wednesday's post (in yo' face, Rose!)

2007-09-26T23:15:00.000-04:00

I have been writing up a storm today (if you missed House or Biggest Loser last night, head on over to the Recapist to see my (really lengthy) recaps.) I had a total "I could kick myself" moment last night. I saw the incredible Henry Rollins last night at a teeny, tiny theater in West Palm. I was parked directly behind his tour bus, which I thought was weird. Henry, as always, delivered a solid 2 hours and 45 minutes of smart humor (which is such a turn-on. I love his adventurous spirit and intellect. He was totally on-point last night.) As I was leaving, I saw a crowd assembled around his tour bus. Thinking, "He'll never come out.", I got in my car and proceeded to leave, which is the moment I saw the man himself emerge from the stage door. But, since I had: a.) no camera and b.) none of his books on hand, I decided not to look like a complete dork and try to re-park the car. I'm sure I would have said something equally as stupid as what I said when I met a comic idol, Eric Idle, when I worked at Universal, "You're my favorite Monty Python guy!" (And I said that completely sober. Honest.) I think "You're my favorite Henry Rollins guy" may have gotten me a place in his act, but I'm sure he was happy to have one less hand to shake. I did it for you, Henry...just remember this for the next time you go on tour, 'cause I'll be armed. Camera, books, photos...I'll have 'em all!

Tales of Unemployment

2007-09-25T15:55:00.000-04:00

In keeping with my promise, I'm making my daily contribution, but I'm keeping it short as I am actually working on some writing work AND I'm going to see Henry Rollins tonight (yay!) and still have to get ready.

Let me just say that being (basically) unemployed sucks. I know I'm gaining weight, I have logged countless hours of viewing "The People's Court", "Judge Mathis" and "Judge Judy" and surfing the Internet (not only to see the same 15 jobs I've either applied for and never heard back from or am terribly unqualified for, but to check out the latest in celebrity gossip. Yikes.) I've applied for 20 jobs so far and haven't gotten one phone call. Sad, really. At least I did get a nice writing gig at the Florida Catholic (which is what I'm working on today) and I've had ample time for my recaps (which is also good.) Oh well, hopefully opportunity will come a-knockin' soon!

A promise to myself - and a little Gaffigan for good measure

2007-09-24T17:13:00.000-04:00

Ok. Enough is enough. I have to, have to get going with this blogging thing again. I am making a promise to myself to post something, no matter how trivial, every day (here and on Frampton for My 40th.) I'm going to start with a hilarious email I got from one of my favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan:

Reasons Why I'm Glad Summer is Over

No more sunscreen:
For pale people like myself, putting on sunscreen is no simple task. It's a chore. Once when my wife and I were on vacation, she said she was going to the beach and I told her I would meet her down there after I put on sunscreen. I actually got down to the beach a year later. True story. During the summer pale people also have to make sure they get everything covered in that greasy goo. I always miss a place and have a pink smudge tattoo for a week. Or just my ears are sunburned. Very attractive.

No More Legs:
The shorts get put away. Believe me, you don't want to see my legs. Hell, I don't want to see my legs. When I wear shorts people look at me like, "Hey, I'm trying to eat here and you've got those sausage legs". Fair enough. But frankly, I don't want to see your legs either. First of all most legs are just as bad as mine. And the ladies with the really nice legs? Excuse me, I'm trying to concentrate on being a good husband and you are taunting me as you casually walk by on your cell phone filling my head with impure thoughts. How dare you, Madam!

No more outdoors:
During the summer there is way too much pressure to do things outside. "It's sunny. We should do something outside!" Hey I've been outside. It's not that great. Outdoor activities always tend to interrupt my napping and watching of Law & Order marathons.

No more crocs:
Somewhere along the way this summer, adult men decided they would look good in those shoes obviously designed for toddlers or Martha Stewart. They were wrong and unfortunately it will take a change of season to get the dorks out of these garish eyesores. Maybe when it's a little chillier we won't have to be subjected to the 40-year-old guy in purple Crocs. Unfortunately, we are now entering "the men in clogs" part of the year, immediately followed by the even more upsetting "Men in Uggs" season. Ugg! I don't care if "They're comfy". You look like you robbed a teenage girl.

Nothing gets done during the summer:
I don't care what business you are in, everyone seems to view summer as a three-month vacation. The prevailing attitude seems to be "Well it's summer so I'm not gonna do any work". In the entertainment business it's even worse. All summer I seem to hear, "I'm going on vacation and then my boss is going on vacation, so I'll give you an answer in November."

More Bacon:
Now that summer is over I can finally enjoy eating tons of bacon.
Sure I always eat a lot of bacon, but during the fall it seems to tastes better. Let's be honest, bacon is more enjoyable to eat in a sweatshirt than in a bikini. Maybe that's just me. Boy, do I love me some bacon.

Back to Sugar: See, now wasn't that easy? More to come, I promise!

Sad News

2007-09-11T21:37:00.001-04:00

Morning anchor Tom Schaad confirms that he is leaving WESH-Channel 2 in October after nearly 12 years there.

He is looking for another job but doesn't have "anything in stone." And he is diplomatic about leaving.

"That's the TV business," he says. "We all understand that. They make changes to accommodate the viewer. You have to abide by that. It's one of the things you accept when you become an anchor."

He is upbeat about those dozen years at the NBC affiliate. His morning newscast usually ran second to the one on WFTV-Channel 9.

"It's a good stint at a television station," Schaad says. "I love Central Florida. The viewers have been so kind. With all the choices you have in morning news, to do as well as we've done, I'm proud of that."

Let me be the first to say that visiting Orlando will definitely not be the same after Tom departs. A little expositon here, (and a BIG disclaimer) I had a huge crush on Tom when I was working at WESH oh, so many years ago. I regard him as a great friend and know that wherever he ends up, he's going to be a huge success. I hoist a big, P.F. Chang lettuce wrap to you, Tom!

Update

2007-09-10T13:07:00.000-04:00

I'm still alive, just kind of unemployed right now. I promise updates real soon, including a full recap of "Christine's California Adventure". Will write (anything) for food, electricity, dog bones, etc!

I'm back...well, sort of....

2007-08-30T19:57:00.000-04:00

Well kids, I'm off to California for my 4th half marathon. Yes, I'm insane. When I return, I promise a full update - unemployment, house sellings and details on my California Adventure (since I kinda have that kind of time now.) In the meantime, enjoy the clip that has me completely in love with "Flight of the Conchords on HBO....

How I Spent My Summer Vacation, part 1

2007-08-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally got off my dead and dying and decided to upload a few photos. Now you can see what I've been up to this summer (so far). First off (and most importantly), my li'l sis got married. Here's a pic of the happy couple trying to navigate the whole intertwined wine glass toast thingy...

Love ya sis and Stan! Another activity that's been making the summer of '07 lots of fun are Sundays at "The Cove" with Justin, Michelle and the gang. It's basically an excuse to get some sun and enjoy some adult beverages. here we are this past Sunday. And before you say it, yes, I will be sending this picture to VH-1 the next time they're casting for "Rock of Love"...

Yee-haw! Last, but not least, I finally got to meet one of my favorite comedians, Harland Williams (the "six second ab" guy from "There's Something About Mary", but more importantly Roberta from my new favorite cult classic "Sorority Boys.") We saw him at the Improv, and he was more than happy to sign my DVD copy of "Boys" and pose for a photo. Whatta guy!

Well, I feel like I've accomplished something...now, onto my resume!

I Can Feel Myself Getting Dumber...

2007-08-09T14:26:00.000-04:00

I am losing it. I have managed to find a job more tedious than answering dumb questions for the soft drink company. If I have to write one more description for an ugly and/or overpriced lamp or candleholder, I may have to strangle someone. I need a thesaurus. I've pretty much spent "elegant", "decorative", "ornate" and "contemporary". Yuck. So, when I feel I have hit rock bottom, when I feel like there's no light at the end of this sad, home decor tunnel, I resort to things like this...

Yes, that's the Village People. This was my favorite part of their awful movie "Can't Stop the Music" (of course it's in my notorious "bad movie collection".) It's a commercial they made for milk - in the flick they did it for money so they could record a demo and make it big. Which they did, of course. Longest. Commercial. Ever. I am a big enough person to admit that I have this song on my i-Pod, and it's a favorite. Go ahead, listen to it again. And think of me, right brain deteriorating at a rapid pace.

Why I Miss Working in Television

2007-07-13T12:12:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a walk down memory lane today. Actually, I'm procrastinating. For those of you who have randomly stumbled upon this page and don't know me, I spent quite a few years working in television production. I worked at WESH in Orlando (Hi Tom!) for a number of years and worked in the control room at CNN for one tumultuous year. (I'm going to write about it sometime. I promise. I have tons of stories!) So, imagine my delight at seeing blooper reels from CNN on the YouTube. This first one has some clips from other networks on it, but at 2:16 in, you will see a sight I enjoyed every day at the Chicken Noodle Network (oh, by the way Hi Rock and Gene!), that of Lou Watters making his daily contribution to the destruction of the ozone layer. Enjoy...

These reels have the control room track on them, so I can reminisce about directors losing their minds and making various smart ass remarks. There's lots of this on the next clip as well as a prank call to Larry King. I used to work on that show and was able to catch a few pranksters before they got on the air (I was the only one who had really heard Howard Stern, so I was a hero!) Again, enjoy...

Aahhh, the good ol' days!

2007-07-08T14:58:00.000-04:00

Ok, if someone can tell me why I can't type in the title field anymore, I'd be eternally grateful. So anyway, I have been busting my tush at work, slaving away at the computer for 10 hours a day, trying to get the site up and running, so that's why I've been neglectful of my beloved blogs. P. will be traveling quite a bit these next few weeks for his job, so I'm hoping to post more.

I have finally designed this year's EPCOT Wine Fest shirt (we're going the weekend of October 13th, if anyone's interested...) In keeping with my very Frampton-centric life of late, you may (or may not) appreciate this...

Front:

Back:

I'm quite proud of this year's design and can't wait for October! Join us if you can!

Memiors of an Irish Geisha, Part Two

2007-06-06T11:28:00.000-04:00

Ok, slight delay, but it's Tokyo time! We took the bullet train from Kyoto to Tokyo. It's really fast (hence the name.) We were paranoid about getting to the train (as the tickets were expensive) so we got to Kyoto station really early (I think 3 hours early.) Fortunately, there are lots of things to do at the train station. There were a bunch of shops selling anything you might need or desire: books, gifts, sundries, snacks, booze, gifts - you name it. There also were a ton of restaurants (lots of plastic food displays - they actually are downright artistic.) We actually enjoyed some snacks from the convenience store and some fine sho-chu on the train (made the trip quick and pleasant!)

We arrived at our hotel, the Dai-Ichi Annex, which was nice, if not a tad on the small side (and if you're wondering, Paul did look like Bill Murray from 'Lost in Translation"!) We went out to dinner with our friend Izumi, who worked with Paul in the states. We went to a restaurant where you cooked your food on a little grill in the middle of the table. We had great beef and some exceptional seafood pancakes - oh and chu-huis (lemon sours - my new favorite drink in the world - literally!)

The next morning we (and seemingly every schoolchild in Japan) went to the Tokyo Tower for a a panoramic view of the city. We were actually supposed to be fishing that day, but the windy weather squashed those plans. As much as I hate to admit it, we did eat at the McDonald's there (we were really hungry!) Actually, my Ebi Filet-O (shrimp burger) was really tasty, and Paul's Tamago Mac also looked good (I think there was egg on it...) We couldn't go all the way up in the tower because of the wind, but we saw a lot nonetheless. When we got back to the hotel, Paul decided to take a nap (it was his turn to be under the weather on vacation) and I took a walk. I found the Fine Food market (also attached to a train station.) Oh my God. I could live there. All kinds of delicious-looking food, seasonings, snacks, meats, seafood, produce...I feel like Homer Simpson...mmmmm...seafood....

That night (Friday) we went out with Izumi and her Canadian boyfriend Jeff. We went to a happy hour at a bar called "Gas Panic". Yes, Gas Panic. I had a cho-hui and Paul and Izumi had a concoction called a "Banana F**k." It was weird to be in a bar with Western bouncers. We then went to a really good sushi train restaurant (where the sushi drifts by on a conveyor belt, and you take what appeals to you) and I paid my respects at the (seven story!) Virgin Megastore, where I bought 3 Pink Lady CDs (Izumi called me a nerd because I'm such a fan!) After dinner we went to another bar for more sho-chu (where we discovered chestnut sho-chu - yummy!) and met some guys from Belgium. We made it an early night because paul was actually fishing the next morning.

Our last full day in Tokyo, Paul went fishing and I went sightseeing with Izumi. We first went to the Tsukiji fish market, which was awesome. They had vendors offering everything from pickled anything to the craziest seafood I've ever seen, as well as expensive knives and cookware and beautiful produce. We ate at the most famous restaurant there, Daiwa - a 15-seater that we had to wait an hour and 15 minutes for. But, I have never had fresher, more delicious sushi in my life. My mouth's watering just thinking about it! We then went to a touristy area to buy shoes and sho-chu and do some people-watching. I also taught Izumi how to pray at the temple there (imagine that!) I couldn't leave without visiting Harajuku (thanks, Gwen Stefani) and it was the Japanese version of England's Carnaby Street. The "little bo peep" look is everywhere and so is the goth look. I got some "Engrish" shirts there - no sheepherding for me though!

That night we went to a restaurant that featured "Akita Dining" - I was relieved that Akita is a region in Japan - not the dog. It was definitely awesome. Paul had 2 plates of beef that he cooked on a hot stone (he could cut it with a fork, he said it was the best he'd ever tasted) we had fried crabs (the whole crab, shell and all), chicken sashimi and an awesome hot pot (need I mention the lemon sours?) They had these traditional Japanese gods wandering through the restaurant and scaring the patrons - which I thought was really funny. We then headed the the Geronimo Shot Bar. You can see the trouble a brewin' - can't you? Paul was on a mission - if you do 15 shots there (in one night) you get a plaque on the wall and a t-shirt. Needless to say, there is a plaque on the wall now that says "Homer Trump - Eric Choi is a Buttwipe!" I'm so proud. We went to another bar called Wall Street or something like that. We had a LOT of fun!

The next morning we met up with Taka (another of Paul's former co-workers) for more sushi train and a little snack shopping. We then headed to the airport and (reluctantly) headed home. We'll be back!

Memoirs of an Irish Geisha

2007-05-30T19:24:00.000-04:00

At long last - my Japan diaries! I figure I'd just transcribe my Ambien and sho-chu fueled journals I kept while I was away, with additional comments and stories sprinkled in along the way. So strap in kids, here we go!

May 6: To Japan! Thought since I'm waiting for the Ambien to kick in (on the plane) I'd do a little writing. Gee, the pen feels weird...(editorial note: I love Ambien!) Today (Sunday) we flew out of P.B.I. I had a damn good breakfast (crab omelet) at Sam Sneads. We had an uneventful flight to Dallas - we actually sat to the most well-behaved kids ever (of course, they were NOT American) and had a belated Cinco de Mayo celebration in a Dallas Airport eatery (what a nice airport!)- pretty decent burritos and sangria margaritas. We have about 7 hours to go. We're currently over Anchorage. The flight has been a bit bumpy. Watched an old episode of "The Office" and "Music and Lyrics" on the cool back-of-the-seat monitor, as well as an interesting Japanese television show about how foreigners (a British gal, Canadian guy, Italian and French ladies and a guy from Ghana) perceive Japanese food. (Later) We've been on the plane a long time but it's not so bad - we had hot towels (Hi Mom!) and they added a piece of sushi to the traditional "chicken or beef" airplane meal. (Then there are some scribblings about Peter Frampton which really have no relevance in a travel post, so I'll move on.)

May 10: I'm writing this on the bullet train (Shinkansen) on the way from Kyoto to Tokyo. We have had so much fun - Monday night we arrived in Kyoto after landing at one airpirt in Tokyo and taking a taxi across town to the other one. We had minutes to spare to catch our flight, but we (and our bags) miraculously made it (never would have happened in the states.) The first night we stayed at the Granvia, which was lovely. We had a traditional Japanese dinner. Courses and courses of food (it was the culinary equivalent of that part of "Fantasia" with Mickey Mouse and the mops that never stopped hauling water into the building.) I think we had 10 courses. I knew the meal was over when they brought out fruit. I didn't recognize much, but it was all quite good. I was so happy to see Paul eat tofu! (I then gave up on this journal entry, as I had a little too much sho-chu!)

May 11: Take two. Yesterday's entry was a little too sho-chu influenced to be comprehensible. So anywhoo, our first full day was spent with Taka's (Paul's associate from his former workplace, who moved back to Japan) father's friend, Mr. Maeda, who was incredibly nice. He took us to various temples and shrines. We started with Kiyomizo Temple - a nominee for one of the seven modern wonders of the world. Very cool. There we went into this dark cavern which was supposed to represent the womb of a goddess, where we made a wish and rotated a large stone with some sort of Kanji written on it. It was so cool. I got to go to the most famous hot pepper store in all of Kyoto (so of course, I stocked up!) We went for lunch to what in the states would be referred to as a "hole in the wall" for lunch and had delicious udon noodles and rice bowls (my new favorite Japanese food - it's a triangle of rice wrapped in seaweed with some sort of filling - I loved the ones with the salmon flakes in them. These rice bowls became a "must snack" for the rest of the trip as they were available in the convenience stores (of which there are a bunch - 7-11s and Circle Ks.) Maeda had a meeting later that afternoon, so he set us up with an English-speaking taxi driver/guide named Kimi-san. He took us everywhere, including the famous Golden Pavillion. He also taught us how to pray at the temples. You bow twice, clap twice, pray and then bow. We also saw a zen garden, bamboo forest and lots of shrines and temples. Paul got "shrined out" so we went back to our traditional-style Japanese hotel (Ryokan). This place was awesome. The room was sparsely furnished - only 2 low tables and chairs (no beds.) The floor was tatami mats and you had to remove your shoes before you entered. They had traditional Japanese attire to wear, which on the first night we wore to dinner. Paul mistakenly put on the ladies' version (I couldn't tel the difference.) One of the ladies that work at the hotel, the Japanese Judge Judy, helped Paul out. All of the ladies that worked at the hotel were multi-functional - they were bellhops, maids, and restaurant hostesses. They also didn't speak a word of English, but talked a mile a minute anyway. We had another excellent traditional meal and some yummy sho-chu. Despite the fact that we were at a traditional inn, there was a TV in the room. I love Japanese TV. Lots of chat and panel shows and bizarre commercials. While we were at dinner, Japanese Judge Judy and the gals put our futons out to sleep on. The first night we also had a (much needed) massage.

The next morning, we went out with Mrs. Maeda and her neighbor Yuko (who spoke English). We went to the Imperial Palace Villa for a guided tour. There was some confusion early on, as Japanese citizens can't just walk in - they have to get permission well in advance or be a tour guide. We tried to sneak both ladies in with us, but we got caught. So Yuko came with us (she was very excited, as she had never been there before herself.) We (for once) were the ones on the tour with the translator players (how weird) and slowly made our way around the beautiful grounds (they've got lots of "cotton tops" in Japan too!) We had a delicious lunch (the biggest shrimp I've ever seen) and as we were dining, Mrs. Maeda and Yuko had something up their sleeve. They took us to Gion, the geisha district, where I got the "Maiko Experience" (a maiko is an apprentice geisha). I got dressed up in full geisha gear (it took over an hour) and took photos. The nice people even let me go out in the street for more photos - where I was photographed with some Japanese schoolgirls and some other Kyoto visitors. It was such a blast and a truly unforgettable experience. We went back to have more mystery food; and Mr. Maeda picked us up and took us to the Kyoto Cultural Center where we saw a bunch of things - a tea ceremony (which we were the "audience participants" for), flower arranging, geisha dancing, chamber music, a short Noh play and Bunraku (the cool puppets - definitely my favorite part of the show). We then headed to the Ponto-cho district - lots of geisha (and regular) bars. We had a blast. Tokyo is next, and frankly, I've typed enough today, so look for Part 2 of the Japanese adventure soon!

Warm up, Kathy!

2007-05-30T15:53:00.001-04:00

Another one for you (and me, of course) from America's favorite "DILF", Huey Lewis! Can't wait for Saturday!

Fear not, dear reader (aka Rose)

2007-05-30T15:48:00.000-04:00

I don't have oodles of time, but I wanted to assure my reader that I'm still alive and plan to post pictures and stories from Japan real soon - as well as a complete update of all things me. Please visit my "Frampton for My 40th" blog for more witty scribblings from yours truly. I am going to see the man on Saturday, so hopefully I will have some other exciting news to report!

Hooooot Poooockets

2007-04-01T16:17:00.000-04:00

I'll recap things soon, but for the moment, here's a pic of Mom and I with Jim Gaffigan (we saw him last night - he could be the funniest person alive.)

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

2007-03-23T11:20:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's been entirely too long, hasn't it? Lots has been going on with yours truly, so instead of fussing with my dogs "MySpace page" on Dogster (for real, the dog. You can access her page over on the side bar - click on the clueless-looking pooch), I decided to do a little updating of my own (at long last, right?) Update: I changed something and Boo's icon disappeared, so here it is...

So, biggest news is that both P. and myself have new jobs. We got them within 2 weeks of each other - and they're both in Jupiter. Whatta co-inky-dink, huh? I am leaving the ad agency I have been working (if you call surfing the net, watching YouTube videos, searching for alternate employment and writing blog entries for PCJ working) for since September for the greener pastures of a recruitment company, where I will be a marketing writer (hmm...writer, haven't done much of that in a while...a future post will detail my recent experience.) My new boss is P.'s long-lost brother. He loves to fish and seems like quite the jokester. Good.

P. has left the Japanese tackle/line company he has worked with for 3 (I think) years and is going to be doing ad sales at an (American-run) fishing magazine. He's happy as a clam, and I'm happy for him. Boo...always happy. Now, can I interest anyone in a home in Port Richey?

Geez, what else? Well, I met Wylie from "The Biggest Loser" last month - what a sweetheart. (The interview's over at PCJ.) The blogging for dough has been very good to me and I really have fun doing it (it is also responsible for my sanity over the last few months.) We celebrated our 2nd anniversary a few weeks ago (big milestone for me) and I am starting to get the wheels in motion for a church ceremony (P. wants to do it for our 5th anniversary, I'd like to do it sooner. We'll see...) We are going to Japan at the beginning of May and I am beyond psyched for that. I am trying to learn some basic Japanese, but, damn, it's really hard. I'd like to get beyind only being able to say "My name is Christine" in Japanese (which is all I ever said to my Japanese tour groups at Universal. Then we took some pictures.)I do know the important stuff though - sake, biru and sho-chu! Oh, and Pocky, of course.

My sister Colleen is getting married in July, which provided me the perfect excuse to get my best friend Kib down for a visit (as he is officially part of our family, and has been to everybody's nuptials - except for Keirnan and Tom's Illinios Adventure.) I haven't seen him since the "second time around" and I miss him terribly. I have been having fun with my old friends from high school though - and we are currently planning our 25 year reunion (yikes!) of our grade school graduation. I saw a bunch of those folks in October, but I am anxious to see a few more people I grew up with.

What else? I think that's pretty much everything for now. The new site is (hopefully) going up on April 22nd, so look for that! I promise to post well before that (and God willing, this will include photos of Mom with Jim Gaffigan! We are seeing him next Saturday. Hooooot Pockets...)

This One's for You, Kathy...

2007-03-14T14:52:00.000-04:00

...and, yeah, for me too.

I promise to getting to update this neglected blog real soon!

Tick...tick...my 15 minutes are up...

2007-02-26T12:32:00.000-05:00

I guess I should finally write about the audition. I tried out for a trivia competieion on a well-respected cable network that starts with a V a week and a half ago. Didn't go well. First was the hotel. God, that hotel. The (Sub)urban Lodge over by Universal. Here's my review of it that I just posted on Trip Advisor:

Title: Yikes.

I lived in Orlando for quite a few years, so this is more of a "shame on me" but I had seen this property from the outside and it looked fine and the price was right, so I booked a room for the weekend (part business, part pleasure). Looks can be deceiving! When I arrived (prior to the 3pm check-in), the desk clerk (who I think was bolted to the desk. In the three days I was there, she had on the exact same clothes every day....weird...) informed me there were no clean rooms. I wish at that point in time that she said "ever", as I would have left right then. She was having a great deal of difficulty in locating the maid. I returned at 5pm, only to be informed (along with some other people with reservations) that there were still no rooms to be had, and the elusive maid was still nowhere to be found.

I finally did get a room, but not the non-smoking room I had reserved. It absolutely reeked of stale smoke. There was a hole in the bathroom door and the carpets were beyond sticky. I did get a nice check-in gift - a 6-pack of Bud Light left from the previous guest, which made me wonder if there truly was a maid in this place. But hey, free beer! It's a good thing I had it too, as the cable connection in the room was awful, and any program could be seen if you squinted through the snow! And along with the beer, I had company - a whole bunch of roaches. I knew I'd be out most of the next day, so I just sucked it up and slept with one eye open, as some of the clientele were a little sketchy (not my roach roomies though!)

The next day I bought an air freshener - not much help. When we drove back in the afternoon to change, we were greeted by the odd combo of vomit and weave hair in the parking lot (I wish I was making this up.)

Needless to say, I will not be making a return visit to this motel. Ever.

The audition itself was quick n' painless. I think I only missed about 5 or 6 questions out of 50. Jim missed more. Joe missed a lot. The worst thing was that the only team that passed the test was named after my doppleganger, Tina Yothers. DAMN YOU, TINA YOTHERS!

I probably said more than I should have, as I signed a confidentiality agreement. Just had to share what I could. On a more pleasant note, I got to see Huey Lewis at Universal Mardi Gras. He's definitely still a DILF! I promise to give a more detailed update of my goings-on real soon!

In the Interest of Equal Time...

2007-01-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm not the only one producing commercials around here - hubby is quite the auteur as well. Check out this spot for his company, which he wrote and produced (and, by the way, this spot has been actually deemed "too hot for ESPN!) Here 'tis...

My first commercials!

2007-01-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

I thought it would be easiest to post these here, instead of sending out a bunch of VHS tapes! These are the first commercials (well, actually, they're public service announcements) that I have ever written, cast and produced. They got rewritten more than I would have liked them to been, the kids were (surprisingly) easy to deal with (can't say the same for their parents!) and I am still proud of the results. So, here goes...

Spot #1 - "Depending on You"

Spot #2 - "Choices" (very happy with my casting on this one!)

Spot #3 Kids Come First

Spot #4 - Making Memories (my personal favorite)

So, what do you think?

Resolution Addendum

2007-01-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

I forgot some (minor) things I was going to resolve to do this upcoming year. One is not to be so stressed out about things I can't change (this is a biggie...definitely should hold a top spot on the list.) Another is to take better care of myself (Moisturize! Take daily vitamins! Go to the dentist!) Lastly, I got an email from Georgia State, pushing my graduation date back yet again. Should I put "finish my MA" on the list? Hmmm...

Why Bother?

2006-12-29T16:56:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I even bother with resolutions, they're always the same, which means I must be bad at keeping them. But for some, unknown reason every year I do it again - in a journal, blog or diary. So, in the interest of consistency, here goes - feel free to join in if you know the words...

1. Lose weight (this has held the #1 spot since I think I was 10.)
2. Write more. Ok, I guess I technically did "get published" this year, writing for Pop Culture Junkies, but I need to write more towards my "GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL".
3. Less TV - except for work-related viewing. I need to stop watching crap reality shows like "Wife Swap"!
4. Less soda. For real. I need to stop being a "Coke Addict" in a big way!
5. Go to church more often. Time to stop feeling like a heathen and time to turn in my membership to the Christmas and Easter Club!
6. Be a better wife.
7. Be a better friend (sound familiar?)
8. Ok, this is a new one, start my third blog. Content under wraps for the moment.
9. NEW JOB! (This should really be #1 this year.)
10. Less procrastination - I'd like to get our wedding album done before our 2nd anniversary!

That's it - let's see how I do this year! Happy New Year and a great 2007 to you!

The Last of 2006

2006-12-29T16:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I promised I'd catch up! Here are some of the cool things that have happened to me since August - in words and (mostly) pictures...

I finally got to spend some "quality time" in California. I went out to take part in the Disneyland Half Marathon and visit my friend Rose. I detailed the race over at Runnin' Fitz, so I won't reiterate it here. We did do some other awesone stuff. I did see Disneyland and it was a blast. We terrified Rose's son Matthew by going on every single dark ride in the place (he was especially scared of Mr. Toad.) He loved Pirates of the Caribbean though. We actually managed to go out after our 13.1 mile trek and saw The Groundlings in L.A. (for the uninitiated, they are a Second City-like sketch/improv troupe whose alums include Phil Hartman, Pee Wee Herman and (my favorite) Jennifer Coolidge (aka Stifler's Mom.) We also stopped by a Los Angeles institutionfor after show cocktails - Jumbo's Clown Room. All I can say is...wow. Google it. The few days I spent there went by way too fast. I'm hoping for a return trip in September of '07!

In October, I met my new brother-in-law, Tom (far right, seated). We had kind of an unofficial reception for them at my parents' place in Naples. He is a very cool guy and a perfect match to my sister Keirnan (who just got her esthetician's license in Illinois. She works at a spa called Egea in Evanston - so if you are in need of a facial, look her up!)

Also in October, I went to what should have been my 20 year high school reunion (Long story - in a nutshell, we moved to Boca Raton when I was starting 8th grade. I had to leave my childhood friends in Miami Shores. The reunion was for the high school I would have attended had we stayed in Miami.) I hadn't seen a lot of these people since 1982. Scary, huh? It was so much fun and in addition to the gals in this photo, I saw a guy who always invited me to be the sole chica at his birthday parties. Explains a lot - if you know me and my past (fraternity little sis, more male friends than female, etc.) I saw the pictures from my high school's reunion, and this bunch had way more fun than they did (besides, all of my remaining high school buddies vetoed attending. I was really actually looking forward to it. Despite the fact that I didn't have the best of experiences in high school, I did have the potential comments of my smart-ass husband to look forward to!) I have to thank Rose for inviting me to this shin-dig!

Mexico. Yeah....those of you who know me are aware of my previous Mexican adventure. Those who don't, sorry, but I'm not recapping. Suffice it to say, I am lucky to have had the chance to make a return trip - "The Redemption Tour"! This time around, I was pretty much under the weather for the whole damn trip (at least it kept me from drinking too much!) And, no, it wasn't Montezuma's Revenge sickness - just in case you were wondering! We fished, we partied, we hung out with some very cool guys from California (who were in the same frat as Will Ferrell at USC) and yes, we did make a return visit to see "Mexico's Finest Showgirls" - who weren't quite as fine this time around, if you ask me. This is Paul at Cabo's Smallest Bar - all of the pictures of me are blurred for some reason (and no, they weren't self portraits!) All in all, nice, uneventful fun...well, except for me losing my tourist visa! Thanks, Mrs. Kagalis and Spanish 5!

Wine Fest Weekend! Ok, we headed back to O-town for EPCOT Food and Wine Festival for (I think) the 5th time. I have a bad reputation about this event. In the past I have lost my car keys, fallen down (twice) and haven't made it around to all of the World Showcase countries in the past 2 years. (I blame the sake room in Japan.) This year my friends Susan and Christine came along for the ride. I actually made it around not once, but TWICE! I made t-shirts that needed to be signed by a representative of each country, so I knew I had to collect all of my autographs or carry around a souvenir of my failure for 365 more days! I only had one glass of sake (see?) Sue really liked the champagne! My poor friend Johanna was the recipient of quite a few drunken phone calls that day. We also managed to piss off an entire busload of tourists on the way home!

The night before, Paul and I went to Monsterween - a huge Halloween party in Kissimmee, sponsored by my all-time favorite radio show. We had to do something "adult" for Halloween because Paul wanted to wear his flasher costume - complete with frighteningly realistic looking "member." Since I don't want to offend anyone, no pictures here - email me if you'd like to see it. So insted, here's me in my "Naughty Cop" ensemble with "Flavor Flav" (most popular costume of the evening, with Hunter S. Thompson a surprising second...)

Speaking of radio shows, I was national in December on the Opie and Anthony show (well, on XM and some stations across the ol' US and A.) It was a lot of fun. Here's me with Opie...

...and Jim Norton (who, by the way, is a phenomenal comedian).

2007 promises to be a great one! 2007 WDW Half Marathon next week and audition for VH1's "World Series of Pop Culture" next month. Keep reading for all of the recaps and (hopefully) photos - maybe BellSouth will give me a break soon!

Day-um!

2006-12-28T10:35:00.000-05:00

I feel like a part of my youth is gone. R.I.P. Godfather of Soul - peace, unity, love and havin' fun...

Playing Catch Up!

2006-12-28T10:32:00.000-05:00

Happy Holly-days! Thought I'd catch up on my blogs (as a prelude to my New Year's Resolutions post - which ought to prove amusing, to say the least!) So, expect a number of posts recapping the past few months over the next few days - and put your laughing hat on!

Getting into the Holiday Spirit!

2006-12-11T16:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, I've decorated the house, addressed my Christmas cards and watched "Elf". But I'm still not 100% in the Christmas spirit. So, thanks to You Tube, I found some Christmas cheer from the 80s, when I was young and impressionable, and still believed in holiday magic. First up - Billy Squier. Here's a chestnut from a time of innocence (free from "The Real World" - when they actually played videos on MTV)...

Next up, Hall and Oates. I was reminded of this when I saw ads for their new Christmas album last night. John Oates is in his full porno-stache glory in this one, and Daryl Hall couldn't look dorkier. But, I defy you not to enjoy this rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock":

In determining my favorite Christmas video, this one comes in a close second. It's actually from the 70s, but it's classic Elton - enjoy!

Ok, this is my all-time favorite and a classic of early MTV. Pee-Wee, Bryan Adams and the original VJs (R.I.P., JJ Jackson). Since my favorite Christmas song of all-time ("Slick Nick" by Fishbone, if you're curious) does not have an accompanying video (a damn shame, if you ask me) take a virtual trip to Kingston and have a Reggae Christmas...

I'll try to dig up some more faves...happy, happy, merry, merry!

I am the GWAR-rior!

2006-11-30T11:52:00.000-05:00

Many, many boyfriends ago, I was forced to attend DragonCon in Atlanta. Not a big comic collector, I spent the bulk of my time hanging out with the cast of the original “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” at the autograph area (the lady who played Veruca Salt was really cool.) The one indelible image I took away form the Con was that of walking down Peachtree Street in downtown Atlanta (from the registration area to the expo center) behind GWAR. I knew the band from their appearances on the Jerry Springer Show and Beavis and Butthead, but to have them standing right in front of me was a sight that has been burned into my retinas. Foam rubber, latex, platform boots, codpieces and the whitest asses I have ever seen in my life (oh, another nice touch was the painted-on six-pack abs. I need to remember that for next bikini season.) I don’t know how this motley assortment of musicians didn’t cause a dozen accidents on the street, as cars screeched to a halt to see the bizarre parade. Fast forward to my first date with who is now my husband. I told him I had always wanted to see them perform live – which pretty much cemented my place as future wife (well, that and a slightly off-key but enthusiastic karaoke rendition of Pat Benatar’s "All Fired Up".) So, when we found out that Oderus Urungus and the gang were coming to Florida, we couldn’t buy tickets fast enough.

The Culture Room in Ft. Lauderdale is located (as far too many businesses in Florida are) in a strip mall. The crowd was eccentric – to say the least. Lots of black attire and tats, boys in eyeliner, chicks in patent leather boots and one boy with pink hair wearing a nurse’s outfit. There were 2 opening acts – The Red Chord, who were pretty darn good (best song title “The Thrashin’ of the Christ”). They also dispensed beer bongs to audience members, so much coolness abounded. Of course, there was also much stage diving, crowd surfing and moshing. The second band was called Municipal Waste, and I couldn’t get into them. The lead singer, who looked vaguely like Elliot Yasmin from American Idol was one of those singers who puts the mic really close to his mouth and makes all of the song lyrics sound like “Unga unga unga rowrrr” (or something like that.) The guitar, percussion was cool, but I like my lyrics somewhat decipherable. They weren’t really winning over the crowd – I’ve never heard metal fans giving a golf clap before. Then, it was time for Oderus, Beefcake the Mighty, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Jizmak da Gusha and Flattus Maximus (more like Flat-Ass Maximus from what I saw lo those many years ago in Atlanta!) – the Scumdogs of the Universe themselves, GWAR.

Hubby is a long-time GWAR-rior and was looking forward to being covered in blood and doing a little moshing and stage diving of his own. We crammed ourselves into the middle of the (really hot) room and prepared ourselves for a full-on metal assault. The guy behind me was desperate to start up a chant, but was having no luck (he started with “O-DER-US! O-DER-US!” AND WENT TO “GWAR! GWAR!”) The rest of us were trying to get the lone girl on her boyfriends shoulder’s to “get the f*** down!” The band came out and the first decapitation ensues, spraying everybody with fake blood. The crowd couldn’t break up to form a mosh pit, as it was so tightly packed, so the end result was more of a fleshy wave ebbing and flowing over the floor (sounds sweet, but in actuality it was much more sweaty and aggressive than that.) I lost my footing and hit the floor (and no, I was not drinking or wearing my requisite 4-5” heels.) Someone fell on top of me and I bent in a way I never had before. My hubby finally pulled me out of the fray and I moved to the side to enjoy the show from a less claustrophobic vantaqe point. I have actually only ever heard a few GWAR songs, and the acoustics of the venue were such that I really couldn’t decipher what song was being played at any given moment. The show was pretty much foam rubber-covered character comes out (George Bush, the GWAR “super fan", Adolf Hitler, a cop, a T-Rex, etc.) gets dismembered, disemboweled or suffers some other obscene indignity, spews blood or some other viscous fluid on the crowd and then the band launch into song. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. My husband said he only recognized about 4 of the songs (one of which was called “Sadaam A Go-Go” and the other was “Sick of You”, which they ended their set with…I liked that one a lot), which makes me feel good, as I recognized none of them. The band were musically talented – if you could get past the spectacle on stage, but we have a bunch of their tunes in our shopping cart on I-Tunes, and I’m looking forward to checking them out. Despite the mob, the sweat (I think I lost 2 pounds last night), the smoke (tobacco and the “other” kind) and the risk of being trampled, the big question remains - did I have fun? Hell yeah! Would I do it again? Hell yeah!

Enough is Enough!

2006-11-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, "The Man" (aka BellSouth) is no longer going to keep me down! I have to work out the right brain ASAP! You know, you can have it all (great hubby, devoted pooch, awesome house, close family and friends) but there's always going to be a dark lining on that silver cloud I like to call life. This time it's the job. Yeesh. I just wish that whole "fairy princess" thing could've worked out for me, because I just don't know if I'm cut out for the advertising biz. Last week I had to supervise a 2-day commercial shoot with 20-plus kids and a cantankerous Southern lawyer who couldn't read the teleprompter, no matter how big the type was on it (I do believe Stevie Wonder could have read the damn thing!) Those of you who know me, know how much I do not enjoy the company of children. So, you can probably figure out what kind of an experience I had - especially when (unbeknownst to me) my boss cancelled lunch for the young'uns. That and having to deal with a bunch of poilte-but-pushy stage moms (can my child have a close up?) and you can see why I pretty much wanted to shove my head in the oven last week. At least a nice, relaxing family Thanksgiving calmed me down a bit. I promise to update this thing on a much more regular basis - as it is one of the few things that's keeping me sane. As I'm still on dial-up (and an antiquated computer at work - no USB ports!), you will have to paint pictures in your mind, until such time I can add them. But, starting tomorrow - recap-o-rama!

Hey, remember me?

2006-10-10T16:39:00.000-04:00

I still hate BellSouth. They suck. A lot. I'm still a prisoner of dial-up and it stinks. I am trying to figure out a way to get pictures up here, as I have a lot of exciting adventures coming up in the next few weeks (and I'd love to post some recent pics from California.) My work computer doesn't have USB ports (I feel like I'm in the first segment of the "Carousel of Progress"!) and it takes for-ever to upload pics to my email at home. Yeesh! I am creatively stifled - big time! AAAAAIIIIIGGGHHHHHH! Ahhh...better...

Damn You, BellSouth!

2006-09-20T22:45:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to give a brief update. I have dial-up now, so it's impossible to post all of this witty banter and pictures! We're settled into the new digs and I have a new job with an ad agency in West Palm (and I'm still blogging on Pop Culture Junkies.) I'd write more, but I'm still recouperating from my California adventure (details and - hopefully - photos to come!) and "Female Trouble" is on IFC (can't resist a li'l old school John Waters! Later!

P.S. Congrats to the new Mr. & Mrs. Wintrow - one of my best FSU friends, Teej, just got married last week!

Alaska Adventure Recap - The Exciting Conclusion!

2006-08-23T08:31:00.000-04:00

Day 4
Today we left Valdez and headed to Seward. I had my first wildlife encounters today. As we were driving,we saw a moose on the side of the road. P. is fearless, and got some nice photos of the creature. They are really big. I guess they are used to having tourists (most of them in RVs - I swear I have never seen so many of those things in one place in my entire life!)pulling over and taking photos of them - kinda like Paris Hilton and the paparazzi (or something.)

Anyway, our second encounter occured at a nature preserve. You could drive from animal to animal (we dubbed it the "lazy zoo"). We saw more moose, elk, deer, foxes, owls, an eagle, and, at last, bears (yay, bears!) Of course, I took a million pictures, so if you'd like a million pictures of bears, email me!

Seward is a lovely town. The marina area is filled with quaint shops and restaurants (as well as the obligatory glacier tour companies and fishing charters.) We stayed at an adorable cabin that one of P.'s friends owns - definitely the best accommodations we had on the trip. We had more yummy seafood - including a superb crab bisque - for dinner (good thing I'm not 100% vegetarian anymore, huh?) and hit the hay.

Day 5
Today we went out fishing for salmon and halibut (with Crackerjack Charters - had to give them a plug!) This trip also marks the first time my seasickness (which I only get occassionally) made me take a nice long look overboard (if you know what I mean!)As they say in the Gilligan's Island theme song, "The weather started getting rough..." It was cloudy, cold and windy out there. We had been blessed with some beautiful weather the first few days, so this wasn't unexpected. We were out wityh a bunch of execs from Red Bull, which was cool (again, I was the only lass on board). For me, fishing was tough (for P., not so much!) I caught a few Red Bull execs, which frustrated me to the point that I had to take a break. After the weather calmed down, I managed to hook a salmon, a halibut and a few dogfish (small sharks). P. managed to collect about 30 lbs of halibut for our freezer (yum!) Wewent out to dinner that night with Andy (the charter captain) and his wife Nici (who owns the cabin) - very nice people (Fun Fact: Andy looks like Tom Wopat from "The Dukes of Hazzard"!) The next day was our early day, so off to bed...

Day 6
Today we went fishing for sockeye salmon on the Kenai River. We were up before 5, and it took us an hour to get to the lodge. From there it was another 45 minutes to the boat launch. I got to wear waders for the first time (not a good look for me, I'm afraid!) and use a fly rod (I felt very "A River Runs Through It"!) I did ok - I actually landed a fish (no surprise, P. landed quite a few - the guy behind him in the photo that looks homicidal is actually our guide). All in all, another 15 lbs of fish are headed back to Florida!
Day 7
Today we made our way back to Anchorage. We were supposed to go fishing, but the weather was pretty grim. Besides, something captured my attention the minute we rolled into Seward, and I couldn't stop thinking of it the whole time we were there. There is a training facility for one of the Iditarod teams in Seward that's open to the public. So, you know what this means - SLED DOGS!! They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, so here's your "awww moment of the day"...

Oh, alright, here's another one...

I got to dress up like an Iditarod racer, see one of the dogs from that movie "Eight Below" and go on a sled ride (oh, and, of course I took a million pictures. If you'd like a million sled dog photos, email me!) On our ride (we used a summer sled - with wheels on it that they use to train the dogs in the off-season) I leraned that not all sled dogs are Huskies or Malamutes - they are a bunch of different breeds (and a lot of mixed breeds) that are put together as a team based on their unique attributes (some dogs are faster, some stronger, some have more endurance, etc.) Here's the team we went out with:

After we got back to Anchorage (our hotel had a walk-in freezer for fish - only in Alaska!) We headed (once again) to the Sea Galley for the "Last Supper" (more crab!) and then ventured into downtown for a little fun with P.'s new friend, who just happened to be in town that day. Ryan is a Blue Angel, and he and his fellow Angels were in town for an air show. So I got to party with the Blue Angels - pretty cool, huh? Here's a photo from one of the local watering holes - you will only "get" this if you saw "Bubble Boy"...

We went to a few bars (one of which was called Platinum Jaxx - which sounded like a nudie bar, but wasn't) and P. intorduced the boys to his world-famous Backdraft shot. Here's a photo of one of the guys in the process of enjoying this fine libation...

What a way to end a great vacation, huh? The next day, we took the long, uncomfortable flight back to Florida. Next up - California!

Alaska Adventure Recap - Day 2 and Beyond

2006-08-22T18:33:00.000-04:00

Since I'll be Internet-less until Monday, I figured I'd better finish up this recap, so here goes...

Day 2
Today we left Anchorage and headed for Valdez (yes, as in Exxon Valdez - remember that?) I won't bore you with my slightly blurry photos of the scenery on the loooong drive there (mountains at 55 mph don't look as good as the real thing), but will show you a very cool (literally) sight - the Worthington Glacier. These things are all over the state and they are breathtaking. Valdez is a really small town. It's probably only a few miles around. There's a market (it's too small to be considered super) a video store, a liquor store, a few gas stations and diners and a Subway. The marina was the center of activity here, with nature cruises, kayak tours and fishing charters. Our hotel was right next door and it was really nice (for the second night in a row we were upgraded to suites, for no reason whatsoever. I like this place! We ate dinner in the hotel and it was surprisingly good (finally sunk into some delicious Alaskan salmon. Mmmmm...)Since we had a long day ahead tomorrow (and there really wasn't much to do - we did get to see "Flavor of Love" though!) it was off to sleepy-land for us.

Day 3
Today we went Salmon Shark fishing (I had never heard of them before either). We were out on a party boat with 4 other men. Yes, this was a close as I got to an Alaskan cruise. At least I was on a boat - but I did miss Isaac slinging fruity cocktails my way as I relaxed on the Lido deck. Oh well...

Fishing was tough. I got a shark nibbling at my bait - he even came back 3 different times, but I couldn't hook him. P. was having problems getting the fishies to bite as well. There were 2 sharks caught on the boat. I didn't like the fact that the sharks were killed, because they were beautiful (sorry, that was your PETA-approved moment of the day)so it's probably just as well I didn't get one. P. has photos, but I don't think you'd want to see dead sharks, so here's a shot I took in the hotel parking lot of a bunny's tush...

More to come...

At long last - the Alaska Adventure Recap!

2006-08-20T10:39:00.000-04:00

I have to get this done before I no longer have Broadband (new house is dial-up - ewwwww!)so, without further ado...

Day 1
Wel, obviously, the bulk of day 1 was spent on the plane. We flew Alaska Airlines, which was ok, but they didn't have an in-flight movie, per se - they had a individual set-up where you had your own little monitor (that you had to pay for, 'natch) where you could choose from such fine films as "Phat Girls" and "Curious George" - thank God for my iPod! Once we landed, we strpped the Alaskan feed bag on for the first (of many) delicious dinners. We went to a place called the Sea Galley. Tacky name, great eats. We had Halibut Nuggets, which upon seeing them, we dubbed them Halibut Boulders! Halibut has now overtaken grouper as my favorite fish. We also got crabs (get your minds out of the gutter - we had a delicious assortment of snow, Dungeness (spelling?) and Alaskan king crab. But enough of that, I'm making myself hungry! As Paul and I are creatures who crave culture, our obvious next stop was the local adult entertainment establishment. Yeah, strip clubs are pretty much the same wherever you go (in the states), but you can't pass up a place called The Great Alaskan Bush Company, now can you? The place definitely takes the prize for ambiance - it's done up like an old, wild west saloon, but the ladies are far from Miss Kitty. Mixed among the patrons of the establishment was a ladies (and I use the term loosely) softball team, who apparently had just won a tournament and were out for a night on the town. They upped the people watching ante to a whole new level. One of the ladies looked like Erik Estrada (I swear). Too funny. We decided to cut out around 11pm, and when we stepped outside, it was still light out (the whole week I was there, I never got used to that!) Fortunately, the hotels have those thick, light blocking curtains, so slumber came quickly.

I have to go pack some more. I'll be back later with day 2 and beyond...

Hey, aren't you...?

2006-07-27T15:09:00.000-04:00

No one tells me I look like anyone famous. When I was in college, I got Jodie Foster and Ellen Barkin. I didn't see it. The worst was being compared to Tina Yothers from "Family Ties" (by a guy I used to date!) So, after that crushing blow, if I looked like someone famous, I didn't want to know - it's better that way.

So anyway, my hubby has told me that a few people have mistaken him for Tamap Bay Bucs coach Jon Gruden lately. Hmmm...let's see...

Here's the hubby doing something unusual (sure!)

Here's Gruden.

I can kinda see it, but since fishing is involved, I think this pic may prove a stronger resemblance...

Oh, yeah - it's him! (Sorry P., couldn't resist! At least no one said you looked like Andy Reid!)

Happy Birthday Colleen!

2006-07-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

My sis is 34 today - she has already informed me that's she's going to Chili's for her birthday lunch so I'm confident she'll have a good one!

Well, it's Friday - the end of a kind of slow week at work. I'm in the process of phasing myself out at work and I have less things to do during the workday (that and the whole office has been slow.) So I decided, just to get the right brain going, to do one of those cute "I-Pod Shuffle" pieces. 7 (usually it's 5, but I have that kind of time. If things continue to be slow it could be 10 or even more) random songs that pop up on the pod and my thoughts on them. Sounds like fun, huh? Here we go...

"Shambala" - Three Dog Night: "Joy to the World" was the first 45 I ever owned (and my favorite sing-along at Howl at the Moon) and I love this band. I have Joy and it's B-side, "I Can Here You Calling" (very funky for a bunch of white boys) as well as this song on the ol' I-pod. I need more Dog - at least "Old Fashioned Love Song".

"Get Set" - Taxiride: This is one of those faux psychadelic songs that came out in the mid-90s. I think it was in a movie. The whole CD is pretty good. I have nothing more to say about this one, sorry.

"One Way Street" - Go West: I loooove Go West - especially that guitar player - I think his name is Richard Drummie. Let me check...yup. My college roomate and I fantasized about marrying them - Richard for me and lead singer Peter Cox for her (yes, pathertic as it is, I fantasized about celebrity relationships long into adulthood). This is one of their mellower tunes - I think I'd have to pick "Goodbye Girl" as my favorite - oh, and the remix of "Call Me" from "Bangs and Crashes". Ok, getting a little music geeky here...

"Burning Up" - Madonna: I remember when I hated Madonna. My gay friend forced me to listen to her first album every time we got in the car (a gay man who loves Madonna? Who woulda thunk it?) I thought she was whiny - but it didn't take long to become a big fan of the Material Girl - I dressed up in the "Lucky Star" video get-up for a high school costume party (complete with knock-offs of her boots from Desperately Seeking Susan which I still have (again, pathetic - isn't it?)

"Hung Up" - Madonna: 2 by Madge in a row? I like this one because of the ABBA sample. That's pretty much it. I kinda gave up on Madonna after "Ray of Light", but this one is catchy.

"Good Morning, Good Morning": Peter Frampton, the Bee Gees & Paul Nicholas: I was hoping my baby Peter turned up! This is from the soundtrack of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the movie that I have seen more times than any movie ever. I remember when we got cable for the first time, and watched every single viewing of this movie the month it was on (it had to be over 20 times.) I lost count around 50 or so viewings. I also watched it on my 21st birthday, when my purse was stolen (as in no ID) and I drank Heineken that someone had to buy for me with my friend Patrick (who's an actual movie star now!) It obviously holds a special place in my heart!

"Show Me the Way" - Peter Frampton: What could be better than a Frampton 2-fer? Not much! Of course this is the "Frampton Comes Alive" version. I (obviously) have a lot of his songs on my I-pod. Favorite? "Baby, I Love Your Way" (which would have been our wedding song if I'd had my way) and "Penny for Your Thoughts", but his songs are kind of like your children - it's so hard to pick a favorite.

"Mr. Blue Sky" - Electric Light Orchestra (yeah, it's number 8, but I'm exquisitely bored...) These guys had me at Xanadu. This is such a peppy song, great for morning workouts!

"Belief System" - Double Drive: I saw this band a few years ago at Music Midtown in Atlanta. My then-boyfriend and I got in a fight during their set. Ah, sweet memories...Actually, this song rawks.

"Rhiannon" - Fleetwood Mac: Peter Frampton and Stevie Nicks - my 70s idols. "Dreams" is still my favorite karaoke song of all time, but this one is cool as well.

Ok, the guys from Clerks II (a must-see) are on Opie and Anthony now. Later 'taters!

Every comment in my high school yearbook - the video

2006-07-19T14:28:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I was a geek in high school, and I'm proud of it. Most things from high school (jokes, music, fashion - thank GOD for that) have long since been forgotten, but there's one thing that we just can't seem to let go. So that being said, here's a li'l old school video for my PJPII homegirls!

Nothing from me...how 'bout some more Frampton?

2006-07-16T22:16:00.000-04:00

I love YouTube. I figure if I put enough Peter Frampton references here, maybe the man himself will check the site out and - who knows? And for those of you who aren't Peter, enjoy...

Guess I'll never learn...

2006-07-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

Yup, once again, I am surrendering my body for charity. Just yesterday, I signed up for the 2007 Walt Disney World Half Marathon. This one (along with Disneyland Half in September) concludes my "Farewell Tour" - as in I am hanging up my running (oh, alright, walking) shoes after this. As in 2006, I am taking part in this race for charity. This year, the charity I'm raising money for is near and dear to my heart.

Joints in Motion is a part of the Arthritis Foundation. The Arthritis Foundation is the only national not-for-profit organization that supports the more than 100 types of arthritis and related conditions with advocacy, programs, services and research. Those of you who know me know that my Dad has dealt with arthritis and, thanks to the wonderful world of genetics (and my current weakening state) I'm a prime candidate for it in the future. So, now commences the begging...

PLEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEE! No, I will be more subtle. Last year, the response for my efforts with Team in Training was overwhelming - those who gave donated what they could, and if it weren't for everyone's help, I would have never made my fundraising goal (by the way, it's $2500 this year.) No donation is too small, so if you are feeling charitable, please click here. And hey, it's tax-deductible! As with last year, I am chronicling my training efforts on Chariots of Fitz, so enjoy and feel my pain!

Starting the Holiday Weekend Off Right

2006-06-30T13:37:00.000-04:00

I was looking for clips from America's Got Talent on YouTube (for my Pop Culture Junkies column) and I found what has to be the biggest laugh-out-loud moment on TV I have ever seen. I have seen this so many times and it makes me cry - it is that funny. Now, laugh, cry and enjoy...

If you don't know, that's Ryan Stiles and that's improv. Hope this clears the whole stand-up vs. improv thing once and for all!

It's Amazing What You Find When You Clean Out Your Closets...

2006-06-24T09:22:00.000-04:00

Things I Want

2006-06-21T15:43:00.000-04:00

Ah, the summer blahs. 2 months to vacation, hubby out of town, friends incommunicado, move date up in the air and to top it off, a severe case of right-brain atrophy (as in my creativity is lagging, big time!) So, here's a list of some miscellaneous (mostly non-tangible) things I want.

- A TiVo (ok, that's a tangible one). I have a lot of the other high tech goodies (iPod, Razr phone, digital camera) but somehow, the TiVo has escaped my grasp. I initially didn't want one, as I feared it would render me a useless couch potato. If I had a TiVo, instead of a VCR that we never have seemed to be able to program correctly, I could record and watch all of what I dub my "unemployment greatest hits" - the daytime judge shows I love (Judge Mathis is my favorite, but I also like Judge Milian from The People's Court, Judge Joe and, of course, Judge Judy) and watch them when I got home from work - while recording the evening shows for later viewing - thus causing a never-ending cycle of TV watching...not good. But I think I may obtain a TiVo soon for the following reasons:

First of all, I have so many VHS tapes laying around that it's ridiculous. When "House" used to be on the same time as "My Name is Earl" and "The Office" (my 3 favorite shows) we obviously had to tape something; and now that I'm doing recaps for two shows over at Pop Culture Junkies, I also need to tape those. Mount VHS is growing at an alarming pace.

Secondly, TiVo would come in handy when there's nothing else on TV - which is quite often. We have gone through just about every "On Demand" movie and show, and it would be nice to take some time off from channel surfing (husband is a master of this.) So that's enough about this. Now on to the intangibles...

- I want more people to read my blog - all of them. I want people to realize that I'm a pretty decent writer.

- I want to do some cool celebrity interviews for Pop Culture Junkies. Not the typical Brad/Angelina/Vince/Tom (Hanks or Cruise) ones, but some people that I've always wanted to talk to - like Chris Atkins and anyone from Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. I'd also love to talk to Gina Gershon, Henry Rollins, Janeane Garofolo and Margaret Cho. Of course, I think it's been pretty well established that the ultimate would be the one and only Peter Frampton!

- I want a nice new house with a big kitchen (with pantry and island) and a community pool. I want to be in a neighborhood where they have get-togethers and such. I want to live somewhere where there are not NASCAR stickers on the back of every car and truck. (Ok, another tangible, sorry...)

- I want to be a full-time writer - maybe an arts critic/columnist for a newspaper (I couldn't be a restaurant critic - I'd be as big as a house!)

I want to stay at the Hotel del Coronado in San Diego just once - as that was where they filmed my all-time favorite movie "Some Like it Hot".

- And the last one for now...I want Peter Frampton to play at my 40th birthday party. I fully intend for this to be a reality. Don't know how, but I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen!

That's all I can think of for now...

On-Whee! (Say it out loud...)

2006-06-20T15:25:00.000-04:00

Oh my God. I am so bored. I can't even come up with something interesting to write about for any of my blogs (at least I have my show recaps at PCJ for the next few days.) I am sick of surfing the 'net - I know way too much about Lindsey, Paris and the gang. I am slightly ashamed and feel slightly dirty. I have made a few "celebrity connections" since I started writing for PCJ. Got an email from Doug Benson from "Last Comic Standing" and even cooler, Harrison Page (from "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" and "Sledgehammer!") emailed me today - I am hoping to do an interview with him sometime soon. I am trying to hone my journalism skills, as I am really enjoying the writing thing, and may be able to parlay all of this blogging into a real career. It would be awesome if the hubby and I were both doing something we enjoyed!

I am really at a loss. I need some sort of right brain jolt or something. I've been reading other blogs to get some sort of inspiration, but it's not helping. Since I'll be a single gal for the next few weeks, maybe I can (gasp) actually work on my book concept for a while! Kick me (figuratively - I'm not into the kinky stuff!), I need it!

Movin' On Up to the East Side

2006-06-15T14:55:00.000-04:00

Great news for your friend Sugar. We have officially put our Hooterville estate on the market! I am beyond excited. With this excitement comes stress (of course!) as we now have to kick the packing thing into high gear! Our real estate agent, Barry, came over last night and told us what to do to make the house more sellable. We know we have to fix the obvious, like the laundry room Boo trashed during that "let's see how she does without her crate" period (a complete disaster) and the chunk of stucco I took out on the side of the garage with my car (no, I was not drunk. I was headed for the gym. Who knew?) When Barry got to our bedroom, he took one look in my closet and said "oh no."

My closet is a disaster. I blame the fact that the only dresser I have to speak of looks like it belongs in the Barbie Dream House. It's small, but then so was my apartment in Atlanta, where I bought the thing. So now comes the painful reality of having to get rid of a lot of stuff in a short amount of time. This could be a good thing, as I'll have little time for sentimentality and quiet reflection on things that really need to go, like my extensive collection of "stripper shoes" (5" heels in a variety of patent leather colors.) I never go anywhere that would call for stripper shoes, so I will ace those (but save one pair for "special occasions" - hubba, hubba!) I also need to cut down my extremely huge t-shirt collection. All the shirts that have been relegated to the drawers under my bed I believe will soon be the latest in Goodwill fashions (except for any of my Frampton tour shirts, for obvious reasons.) I can at least get rid of my business suits, because who really wears them anymore; but I am not parting with my Madonna "Desperately Seeking Susan" boots that I've had since high school, because I can't. Period.

More moving adventures coming soon! In the meantime, if you know of anyone looking for a house in Hooterville, let me know!

Sugar - Broadway Impresario?

2006-06-13T11:39:00.000-04:00

I'm posting this here, 'cause it might be a little too obscure for Pop Culture Junkies. I was thinking, since Jersey Boys, a musical featuring the songs of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, did quite well at this year's Tony Awards, why not revive the music of some other bands that may have lost a bit of their luster over the years? Here are some suggestions...

"I Wanna Sex You Up" - The Color Me Badd Experience

"Brandy and Other Fine Girls" - A Look Back at Looking Glass

"Shambala Boys" - The Music of Three Dog Night

"Flint Guyz" - The Songs of Grand Funk Railroad

"Saturday Night Scots" - A Musical Revue Spotlighting the Music of the Bay City Rollers

"Afternoon Delights" - A Musical Tribute to the Starland Vocal Band

and...wait for it...

"Do You Feel Like He Do?" - The Peter Frampton Story (Oh please, oh please!!!)

I thnk these are all viable properties, don't you? I mean, look how long Cats was on the Great White Way? Just a thought...

That's My Time...Tip Your Waitress...

2006-06-12T11:02:00.000-04:00

Since my other site is down right now, I thought I'd return to my home blog - and write about something that's been on my nerves for a while. Those who know me know that I have a pretty extensive background in Improv comedy. I honed my skills at FSU, when I was in the Moving Company, the school's children's theater troupe (yes, Miss "No Kids" did children's theater!) You have to think on your toes to keep 3rd and 4th graders amused, and I must say we did pretty well (I also got to rap in the show we did, so I immediately endeared myself to the young'uns.) My Improv background also helped out immeasurably during my stints as a tour guide (both at Universal and CNN.) We had a script for the godawful tram tour at USF, but as you are carting a load of tourists around closed, empty soundstages for 15 minutes, you have to come up with something, and boy, did I (we also would do the tours in different accents, to liven things up.) CNN was another story. Fortunately I had worked in television production before I got there and could riff endlessly about the neat-o things that went on in the newsroom and studio (which came in especially handy on the VIP tours, where people paid a lot of dough for the occasional face-to-face with a Headline News anchor (Chuck Roberts, my friend (and twin sister at the time) Toria Tolley, and the late, great Don Harrison) and the chance to watch (former) CNN anchor Lou Watters incessantly spray his hair (my parents got to witness that, and they still talk about it.) I could write a book about CNN, probably will someday...

So why the walk down "memory lane"? What does this have to do with anything? I was talking about Improv. I did some in Atlanta and had a really good time doing it. Unfortunately, the 2 troupes I was in there broke up (little ego-clashing problems and the like) and I haven't found another outlet here in Florida, so I haven't had much practice as of late. But what really steams my buns is that whenever people hear I did Improv, they instantly say "Tell us a joke!" (a few of my co-workers are guilty of this - in fact it happened again last week, which prompted this entry.) I don't know how many times I have to say it, Improv-ers and Stand-Ups are 2 totally separate groups. I have nothing against Stand-ups, in fact I dated one for a while. It's hard work. It's just different. I met Jeff Foxworthy (shameless name dropping) at a charity event (which a friend and I snuck into, but that's a story for another time) and told him I did Improv. He said, and I'll never forget it, "I could never do that!" I thought that was awesome. Improv is hard too, especially because more people hate it, so that's another battle we need to fight. I love going to see stand-up comics (like Jim Gaffigan, who is my favorite, Margaret Cho, Lewis Black, Dave Atell, the aforementioned Jeff Foxworthy, and so on...) but I also had a blast seeing Wayne Brady and Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood do improv live. We can all live together in harmony, doing our own thing. Kumbaya.

So, in summary, if you ever run into me, please don't ask me to tell you a joke!

2 Legit 2 Quit!

2006-05-31T12:42:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, the fine folks at Pop Culture Junkies have given me a chance to write on a site that is seen by more than 2 people! I'm a writer! Check out my hilarious review of Last Comic Standing. If you suffered through it last night, you will probably think the recap was much funnier than the show itself (hell, I laughed more at the "Office" marathon promo!)

In other news, my sister-in-law just had a baby early this morning. Congrats Lynne and Mark! This means I am now an aunt. I am someone's aunt. Scary, isn't it? I want to be a "hip aunt" like my aunt is. She introduced me to rock n' roll (still have the LP's) and Oyster Bars, among other things. By the time my new niece is ready to be RAWKED, the only thing "hip" about me will be a hip replacement. Of course, the li'l chica will have to learn to fish first (from both Dad and Unca Paul!) Speaking of fishing...

I never detailed the excitement of the PTTS Ladies Day Tarpon Tournament down in Boca Grande a few weeks ago. I was on a team with Dena and Beth (it was the "wives and girlfriends crew".) In keeping with the long tradition (which started way back in 2005) of dressing up for the event (as no one, including the event organizers, take the ladies seriously,) we decided to do a "pimp n' ho" theme. Paul got he and Cap'n Ozzie those silly pimp hats that you find at Spencer Gifts or other fine retail locations. We gals had to bring the sexy. Last year I was in an oversized fishing shirt and baggy shorts. This year, it was a black bikini with matching mini skirt and (optional) red feather boa. At least the camera boat was around us more this year! We dropped lines at 9am and had 3 hours to land a bigg'un. I thought I had one on 2 occasions, but I merely had hooked the bottom. Beth got one hooked, but we couldn't keep it. If you've ever seen the Tarpon Tourney on TV, you'd know how hard it is to actually land a fish - boats are stacked thick and are almost on top of each other. Result? No fish (only 3 were caught in the whole tourney - 60-something boats) and a slight sunburn due to negligent sunscreen application. It was fun though!

Not much else is going on right now. If I were a psychic (which I'm totally not), I would predict a lot of changes coming up this summer and beyond....

Score One for the Goobers!

2006-05-24T22:13:00.000-04:00

Yay! Taylor won! Goobs represent! I'd like to think I had something to do with this victory, so hey guy, you're welcome. They did give a scary statistic at the end of the show, over 60 million people voted, to which Ryan "I'm not gay, really, I'm not...but that Simon..." Seacrest said something along the lines of that it was more people than voted for A.I. than they did for the last presidential election (to my credit, I did vote in the last presidential election too, I just didn't pick a winner like I did tonight. 'Nuff said.) Noticed they let the gospel singers out from their backstage confines for one last performance until next year. How nice of them. I did finally realize, as I whooped and hollered on the couch when they announced that Taylor won, that I don't have anything to root for this time of year (no football!)and that's probably why I got involved woth this whole "Idol" thing in the first place. At least that's what I'd like to think...

Congrats Taylor!

Pa-F'in-Thetic

2006-05-24T12:08:00.000-04:00

Ok. I officially have no life. I stayed up last night so I could call in and vote for Taylor Hicks on "American Idol". He was my second choice even (I really wanted Chris - the "rock guy" - to win), but for some reason I was compelled to battle the busy signals (for 2 hours, no less) just to hear "Hi, thanks for voting for me!" I even watched the whole shebang (my defense remains that "A.I." is on right before "House" - that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) Some things struck me as funny while I wasted an hour of my life. One of the judges (probably Paula, the mistress of fluffy comments) said Taylor's dancing style was "contagious" and I thought to myself "More like he has something contagious!" maybe that's why I like him - he's a goob and has no problem with it. Yeah...that's why. I also hated the last song - how schmaltzy! Why do they do that to these poor kids (even "Boobie McBooberson's" song sucked.) And what is it with the gospel orchestra. I guess they helped out BMB, but why drag them put for Taylor? I guess the producers figured, "Well, we've already paid for them..." Yikes. So anyway, congrats Taylor and sorry to my hubby, who hates him!

P.S. Look at that picture (thanks Cold Hearted Truth for the image). He is kind of cute. But then again, I have always had a thing for kinda nerdy guys (and the complete opposite, like the hubby!)

What's Your Favorite Color?

2006-05-22T22:27:00.000-04:00

Ok. I am in a slight quandary. I get restless about any number of things – I tend to have a "gypsy" mentality – I am never completely happy where I am – both physically and spiritually. The spiritual thing is more of an issue as of late. (Physically, if we actually pull up stakes and head out of P.R., that’s great. If not, I am going to do a 100% overhaul of the house, so it will be a change of scenery in some shape or form at least.) As many of you know, I am hopelessly insecure about my looks, and to ask anyone to be honest about matters of looks is essentially futile, as no one is completely honest about such matters (although my husband said he "wouldn’t mind" if I got a boob job.) So, next best thing…I need your help - it’s time for an exciting new poll…

Find Fitz’s Perfect Hair Color!

I am taking suggestions as to which color is best on me. Here are your options:

1. Blonde – Yes, I was born blonde. Those who know me know I can be pretty dinghy, so it’s easy to believe that I have “blonde roots”! I have always wanted to emulate my role model, Marilyn Monroe (except for the bad marriages/choice in men and drug problems) and since I don’t have the bod, at least I can have the hair (although, Christina Aguliera has been doing her take on Marilyn (a slutty take, but an obvious nod) lately, and I wouldn’t want anyone think I was paying tribute to her!) I was blonde when I met and married my hubby, and I have spent the most time this color. Since I’m so pasty, I don’t now if this color works as well on me as I thought it did. When I “fake bake” (tan-in-a- can), it looks better, but I can’t afford to keep myself in fake tanners year-round! This always seems to be my “go-to color” – I think I might be too old for platinum, but who knows?

2. Brunette – This was the first color I chose when I wanted a change from the blonde. It’s my “I want to be taken seriously” color. The first time I experimented with brown hair was when I graduated from college (the first time). I thought I’d get a better job if I looked more responsible because, in my 21-year-old brain, blondes were perceived as being dumb (not that there were any dumb brunettes anywhere…) My first go-round with the brown was not too good – my hair was resistant to the change, and my hair ended up as kind of a dingy, almost gun metal color. It was pretty bad. I went brunette again in my early 30’s – just for a change (I was going through a lot of other “changes” at that time as well…) I added a few blonde streaks in the front – the overall result was kind of cool. Of course, I desired change, so it was back to blonde after a few months. See? Fear of Clairol Commitment!

3. Red – The current shade. Bowing to Ann-Margret, not Lindsay Lohan! I actually kind of like this, but if I need a change, I can’t stay this shade. Again, I came here from blonde (this was my post-wedding change. Most girls cut their hair, I opted for a different route), and my hair didn’t want the red. It still is a battle to keep it red, it mellows out pretty quickly. I just don’t know!

If you’d like to help, leave your comments here for me. Don’t know if I’ll change, but input is always appreciated!

Don't Hate the Player...

2006-05-17T13:45:00.000-04:00

I hate to admit it, but I have been following "American Idol" this season (it's on right before "House" for pete's sake!) I can't believe it. I spent so much time trying to avoid it, but it's everywhere - even in Australia, on our honeymoon, it was on. It was on in Costa Rica too! It is too powerful to escape...

So anyway, like most of the country, I was rooting for Chris (the rock guy). After he was (gasp!) eliminated, I moved on to my second choice, Taylor (the guy with the grey hair). I like his Joe Cocker-esque voice, the fact that he hasn't dyed his hair (I'm one to talk...) and, sorry, I love his dorky dancing. My husband (also drawn in to A.I. because of it's pre-"House" time slot) hates him, pretty much for the same reasons. He had not one good thing to say about the guy. He (of course) is rooting for Boobie McBooberson (the only chick left and the reason that girls can get their husbands/boyfriends to watch the show!) I am rooting for Taylor even more now, although I don't think he needs my help! Go Taylor!

Happy Wasabi!

2006-05-15T16:48:00.000-04:00

I really don't have a whole lot to say, but I feel obligated to type something. Paul just got back from Japan for business meetings and brought back about $100 worth of Japanese snacks (my obsession). I've been unhappy and stressed a lot lately (for a wide variety of reasons) and nothing puts me in a better mood than a bag full of sweet and salty treats from the Far East. One of the highlights of our once-yearly trek to EPCOT Center for the Wine Fest is the mandatory stop at the store in the Japanese section of World Showcase, where I inevitably...
a) Spend around 30-40 dollars on snacks
b) Eat most of said snacks before I leave the park
c) Drink waaaayyy too much sake

I will also stop at any Asian market I see, no matter where I am (New York, Australia, Georgia) and not be able to escape without dropping at least a $20. For the uninitiated, here's a brief summary of some of my favorites (old and new):

- Wasabi peas: Classic. My absolute favorite. Small fried peas with a crunchy wasabi coating. There are actually places in the US where you can get a decent bag (current favorite is at Wild Oats). Paul bought me an assortment of peas and beans, which kick butt! The more wasabi there is, the happier I am. I have eaten so many in one sitting that I lost the use of my taste buds for 2 days. Yummy!

- Pretz: These are like very skinny Japanese breadsticks, but the flavors are awesome. I love the salad and tomato flavors. The regular Pretz is slightly sweet, like a plain cookie. I found some roasted chicken flavor on a web site, which I think I have to try.

-Pocky: These are Pretz dipped in chocolate or various other sweet substances. Men's Pocky is dark chocolate flavored (I don't know why...) Paul got me black sesame flavor this time around - which looks odd, but tastes like peanut butter. He also got me green tea flavor (everything comes in green tea flavor over there, and it's not bad!) strawberry, framboise (raspberry), caramel and melon. He also bought me some called Fran (a Pocky knock off), but they're named after one of my best friends, so you can't pass it up. I also got my first 2 boxes of Giant Pocky - about 10" long and thicker than your average Pocky stick (Pocky on steroids!) I will be eating these for months...

- Melty Kiss - these are chocolates with green tea filling. The prospect was a bit frightening, but these are great (this is the confection I predict will be the first gone - Paul loves them too.)

- Miscellaneous candies and salty snacks: I don't speak Japanese, so I have no idea what they are - all I need to know is that they're good!

Paul had a very interesting trip. He saw a lot of cool stuff and went to a lot of cool places. I went to Naples. Oh well...I am actually supposed to go along on the next trip, so I should probably learn more than "My name is..." in Japanese! More later...

The Exciting Conclusion...

2006-05-11T14:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I have been updating my "professional site" so I've neglected my blog - I apologize to my faithful readers that I've left you hanging! So, where was I?

Day 6 (continued)
So there I am at the top of this platform, with a beautiful panoramic view of Lake Arenal, the volcano, and the vast rainforest. It would have been the ultimate experience if it wasn't for the knot in my stomach that came about when I realized the velocity and angle at which I'd be returning to land. I was petrified. You could chicken out, but had to make up your mind during the first two lengths of cable, which were quite tame (they were used as the training part of the journey - one to learn how to use the clip bar/equipment and how to position your body as you go down and the other was to learn how to slow down - mainly for the heavier people.) I was in this position (chicken out or not) once before. I was in Destin, Florida on vacation with a friend who was also in my improv group (a real smart ass). For whatever reason, I wanted to go on the Skycoaster (I'm sure you've seen it, thy have them at carnivals, theme parks, and all over Orlando - you get strapped into a harness, get pulled to the top of a tower and then come screaming down, like you're flying.) There was no line and I had a few beers (aka "Liquid Courage") prior to this, so I paid my $30 and strapped in. On the Skycoatser, you control your own destiny, you have to pull the cord that sends you down. I got up to the top of the tower and thought to myself "I can't do this". Then I thought of the massive amount of ribbing I'd get from my friend and figured death was much less awful than having all of my friends find out that I'm a big wuss. So I pulled the cord and had one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. It was awesome (I don't know that I'd ever do it again, but I'd recommend the experience to anyone.) Back to Costa Rica, on this trip I was also accompanied by a smart ass - my hubby. I knew I had to do it. Paul went down first. I watched him speed down the line, his figure disappearing rapidly from view. Then, my turn. I was shaking as they hooked me onto the cable. If there was ground, I couldn't see it. The guy who was hooking me up asked "Esta listo?" (Are you ready?) I wasn't (I wouldn't ever be, really), but said "Si" and away I went. Oh my God. It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced, topping the Skycoaster and even the Sydney Bridge climb in Australia. After the initial run, I was yelling "Estoy listo!" every time I got ready to take on another line. (I ended up being a translator on this trip - a few of the guys who worked for the Sky Tour didn't speak much English, and of course all of the turistas didn't speak Spanish - there are so many English speaking tourists over there now that most Costariquenos (or Ticos, as they're also called) are pretty fluent in Spanglish. So I am translating instructions to the other turistas and teaching the staff how to say things like "side to side" and "slow down". 5 years of Spanish helped, I guess!) I was really sad when it was over!

The ride back to Tabacon was amusing. There were a bunch of middle aged guys from California with us, and their pseudo-"leader" was this guy who vaguely resembled Gary Busey. He was kind of (loudly) recapping the information the tour guide provided on the tram, and I don't believe he got any of it right. It was only an hour ago...geez! No wonder other countries hate us...

After all of this excitement, we had a traditional Costa Rican buffet dinner (lots of pork, rice and chicken - and tres leches cake for desert...mmmmmm!) We heard the distinctive rumbling that came from the volcano and got to see lava coming down the side of the volcano - it was truly spectacular. The next day was "GUAPOTE!" and we had to get up early, so we made it an early night.

Day 7
GUAPOTE! Yes, we hit Lake Arenal for a little fishing. Our guide took us out on the lake and we caught a variety of bass - none were really impressive, we've caught bigger (ok, Paul's caught bigger) in our lake - but Paul did finally get his GUAPOTE! so it was a good trip. (Don't ask me what I caught - I think a tiger bass (?), some sort of Costa Rican mullet and, of course, a GUAPOTE! (actually, Rainbow Bass) of my very own! Oh, and a horrible sunburn on the tops of my legs - first one of the trip.)

We went back to the resort, grabbed lunch and then headed out on our ATV tour (no sitting around for us!) It was only my second time ever on a 4-wheeler - the first was when I was 15 and went out with my friend Suzie, I got on, started up, went a few feet and promptly crashed into a bush. Needless to say, I was a little nervous. After a few minutes of getting used to the ride in a big empty field (no bushes!), we ventured out and had a nice 2-hour journey. Since we were off-road quite a bit, I got really dirty. And we had already checked out. Great. I had to grab a washcloth and try to clean up as best as I could in the ladies room before we got a ride back to San Jose. We stayed at the Ramada Herradura, which was really nice. When we got in our room, we flipped on the TV, and imagine my delight when my favorite show, "House" was on (it's called "Dr. House" over there - if it were literally translated it would be "Casa" which really doesn't work. By the way, most North American shows have Spanish subtitles, but I did get to see the "Trapped in the Closet" episode of "South Park" dubbed (surprisingly well) in Spanish as well as "Los Simpson"!) We had dinner at Sancho Panza, a Spanish restaurant. We had a delicious paella and a few Imperials as the hours ticked down to burfday #37 (I managed to translate the first bit of 50-Cent's "In Da Club" to Spanish for the occasion - ok...here it is....)

Yo pequeno, es su cumpleanos

Vamos a celebrar como es su cumpleanos

Vamos a beber Bacardi como es su cumpleanos...

...and that's all of the song I know (even in English!)

Day 8
We got up early (again) and jumped on a bus at 6am to head out on a whitewater rafting adventure (See? I am an action figure!) When we got on the bus, there were a bunch of loud, boisterous guys (about our age) already there. They were loudly boasting of their maids and Porsches, so I was not looking forward to spending a few hours with them. Then we went to another hotel to pick up another group and they were late. Real late. They finally got on the bus, we pulled out into the street and immediately turned around and headed back, because one of the new people had the wrong kind of shoes! (I never thought we'd ever be leaving San Jose!) We drove for a few hours to the "operations base" for the river rafting company, loaded up on breakfast (I'm not even going to tell you what I had!) and made our way to the Pacuare River. Since there were only 2 of us, we had to go with some of the loud guys...great. Our tour guide was named Abel and as we headed out, he became less of the friendly tour guide and more of a drill sergeant ("What part of paddle forward do you not understand??") The loud guys became our allies (the ones on our raft were actually nice - they were from Ft. Lauderdale) as our hatred of Abel intensified. At least he was a good guide. We never got caught up on any rocks. The scenery along the river was beautiful - there were tons of waterfalls and cool grottos. There were also some very intense Class III and IV rapids. One group did actually hang themselves up on the rocks and Abel went out to help them, while we waited on the shore. Abel swam back and was floating in the water, asking us to come out in the raft and pick him up. We all just looked at him for a moment - and in that moment, Abel realized what a jerk he had been all day and his demeanor magically changed. The whole ride was 14 miles and took us about 3 hours. It was a lot of fun! We went back to our hotel and dined at the sushi restaurant there (pretty good). Of course, you can't seem to go anywhere in Costa Rica anymore with out some loud North American bragging about his business acumen, finances, golf game, whatever - no wonder they hate us....All in all, an excellent birthday!

Day 9
Sniffle! Today was our last day in this beautiful country. We had an early (of course) flight, but had time for the obligatory souvenir shopping (the coffee there is awesome, so we picked some up, as well as gifts for family and friends) and no trip overseas would be complete without a stop at the duty-free store! We went from paradise to hell in a matter of hours...Miami Airport was a zoo (as always) and the traffic (on a Sunday, no less) was awful. When are we going back? Soon I hope!

Christine's Costa Rica Adventure - I'm an Action Figure!

2006-05-05T16:08:00.000-04:00

Ok. Now, where was I...

Day 5
Today we left Crocodile Bay and headed back to San Jose. We were headed for Tabacon, a resort and spa that are very close to the Arenal Volcano. The place is about 3 hours from San Jose. We took a cab (!) there, as there was only one (inconvenient) flight there via puddle jumper. It was a beautiful drive however, as we wound our way up and down the mountains, passing through small towns, souvenir stands and one very odd toll booth (it was a rickety little shack with hand painted information on the side. Our cab driver stopped, said hello to the lady in the booth and drove on, without paying a dime (or a colon, the currency in C.R.) We deduced it was probably a toll only for the gullible "turistas"! And then we were there...and it was beautiful!

The place was gorgeous - lush landscaping, beautiful architecture, friendly staff. Our room was luxurious as well (really comfy bed). This part of the trip was dubbed "mine" as there was nowhere for Paul to fish. Until...

If there's an opportunity to fish, Paul will find it. He went over to the concierge to make sure all of our eco-tours were booked and discovered he could go fishing in Lake Arenal for indigenous Costa Rican rainbow bass, or Guapotes. So, of course, he booked this and this part of the trip became "ours". (And "GUAPOTE!" was Paul's battle cry for the next 3 days!) One thing I noticed while Paul was talking with the concierge was the video running behind her desk. It featured all of the eco-tours that were available through the resort. They showed zip line tours (which we were going to do) ATVs (which we also were going to do) horseback riding and such. The video also spotlighted the hot springs - which I guess sell themselves, because the folks in the video did not provide any additional temptation! It was 5 minutes of pasty, old, fat white guys shuffling along and sitting like a lump on a log in the water. Eeeewwwww! But I digress...

As soon as we settled in, we walked down to the hot springs. "Hot springs" is definitely not a misnomer! The scenery was breathtaking, with natural waterfalls and even more beautiful flora and fauna (and one little iguana scooting across the walkway.) The volcano was awesome, I had never seen one before. It's an active one, so we could see smoke coming out of the top of it. The springs are hot because of the volcano - some were so hot, I couldn't even get in. Paul, of course, plunged right in to each and every one! The swimming pool was really the only place where I could stay in the water for more than a minute or so (maybe it was because it had a pool bar? Yay, pool bar!) We had a light lunch there because we were having our big dinner that night (it was also my birthday dinner.) The restaurant was lovely, and very fancy-schmancy (with the 9 million forks, knives and spoons on the table - "Oh, that's your asparagus fork!" and even sorbet!) The food there was so good (we didn't have a bad meal on the whole trip actually.) We were sleepy after dinner, so it was off to sleep and onto our next day's adventure.

Day 6
Today was my favorite day on the trip. We had a bountiful breakfast buffet (more gallo pinto for me!) and were off to the Sky Tram tour. This was the canopy tour through the rainforest. I always thought that they were laid back affairs, where you move yourself leisurely across zip lines from tree to tree. Imagine my surprise when I got to the base and found out that "laid back" was definitely not happening today! We had to get into harnesses and those helmets that would even make Albert Einstein look like the "Ding, Fries Are Done" guy. We the got into a tram that took us waaaaaayyyyyy up into the mountains. That part could have been laid back, if I wasn't starting to freak out about how we were going to get down. You could see the zip lines - they were long and, instead of taking you on a horizontal, tree to tree path they did an almost 90 degree drop from platform to platform (guess that's why they're called zip lines, huh?)Guess what? I'm spent! I will give you a teaser...to be continued...