Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Friday in Vegas - Dancing with Dicks and Cirque du Snoozay

(Part two in a long overdue recap of my 40th birthday festivities!)

Well, we didn't sleep in as long as I thought we would...we even made it up in time for breakfast - a late breakfast, mind you, but breakfast nonetheless. We went downstaris to a restaurant called Razzles. Good news: we were seated immediately (because we were all feeling slightly...umm...peckish). Bad news: we were relegated to a secluded area right next to the kitchen. I guess hungry beggars can't be choosers, hmm? We also had a slightly eccentric, slightly surly waiter. In the middle of my order, he just walked away (I pretty much got out "I'll have the -- " and pbbbllltt, he was gone - sorry for the "Hee Haw" reference.) I did have a delicious lobster omelet (even breakfast is decadent in Sin City!) and a Bloody Mary (a morning tradition!)

After filling our tanks, Jules headed off to the massive pool area and Sue and I ventured toward the Excalibur, where my old FSU bud Donavin was staying. I was delighted to discover that there was a Dick's Last Resort there, as the joint was a favorite when I lived in Atlanta. Of course, we had to have a few drinks, for old times' sake (by this time, Jules had joined us, as she couldn't find any space at the overcrowded pool area - can't blame the folks for wanting to hang out, as it was the nicest weather I've ever experienced in Vegas. It was in the mid 70s-low 80s the whole time we were there.) There was a master of ceremonies-type/ringmaster at Dick's, doing a hilarious (and quite low budget) recreation of the Belagio fountain show that had to be seen to be believed and then dissected a good deal of the musical numbers from "Grease". He asked if it was anyone's birthday and of course, me being the closet attention whore that I am, volunteered for a burfday lap dance. I was seated in a chair in the middle of the joint and was promised a "sexy lapdance" from the emcee (did I mention he had a little extra "cushion for the pushin'" - if you know what I mean? See photo above if you don't get it.) Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" pulsed from the overhead speakers and it was ON. Hey, it was way better than the dance I received during my first bachelorette party (which was actually at a male strip club!) Cameras clicked away - the picture above just sums it all up so nicely. We hungout a bit more and watched Donavin and Jules subtly flirt with each other while admiring the parade of hilarious paper hats that walked by (at Dick's they're famous for making the patrons wear these hats, with incredibly lewd things scrawled on them.) Some favorites were "I fart KY Jelly", "Hung like a white boy" (on a black dude, 'natch) and my personal favorites - one man with a "I love to blow bubbles" hat and his buddy wearing a hat that said (of course) "Hi, I'm Bubbles." Jules insisted on getting a hat, so this funny waiter made her one that said "Blah, blah, blah, just stick it in my butt." Classy and understated.

Since Donavin had a "lady friend" waiting for him at the Wynn, we parted ways and the gals and I headed down the strip, ending up at New York New York. We made a beeline to the pub (Nine Fine Irishmen) and ordered up some delicious imported brews and an assortment of fried potatoes and onions. Yum! Afterwards, Sue decided that she wanted one of those chair massages. I was pretty buzzed by this time, but a massage sounded pretty damn good and, "What the hell, it's my birthday!", I forked over my $20 for a damn good massage. Despite being smack dab in the center of a noisy casino, it was pretty darned relaxing! Before we left, we had one more drink (why not, right?) and met some guy who had also recently turned 40. The only reason I remember meeting him was that I found a photo with him on my camera (one of those "Oh...yeah...!" moments, to be sure.)

We returned to Mandalay Bay to get ready for dinner and the show. I put some of my famous "doe-eyed look" individual lashes (probably the only advice I've ever actually used from Cosmo) on Jules - and they stayed on her for the rest of the trip. We went to the MGM Grand for dinner and the Cirque du Soleil show Ka. We had a craving for sushi (well...I always have a craving for sushi), so we ate at the Grand Wok. The hostess there was strikingly beautiful (a petite Asian woman with impeccably applied makeup and a sleek, bob hairdo.) She looked like a model, but was surprisingly camera shy. This was all it took for us to make it our mission to get a photo of her. She was very wily - we never got the picture. The sushi was okay (I've definietly had better), but at least I was eating at regular intervals - unlike my last trip to Vegas when I only had 2 miniscule slices of pizza at Spago to soak up 15 hours worth of booze. It wasn't pretty.

After dinner, we went to see Ka. All of the ushers were "in character" and wore very elaboarte costumes. Pre-show, there were periodic shots of flames and performers tethered to big bungees swinging over the stage and onto various set pieces along the sides of the stage. It was pretty cool. So far, so good. Unfortunately, the oversized plush seats were a little too comfy and, as the theater darkened and the signature Cirque new-agey, pipe flute-laden music began to play (toodle-dee-dooooo...), I started to find myself in an epic battle between staying awake and passing out. I was in and out of consciousness for the duration of the show - despite more flames, tilting stages, stage combat, applause and stomping around. Irish beer will do that to you. After my very expensive nap, we ventured over to Studio 54 for what amounted to a nightcap (Sue and Jules were getting up early the next morning to go to the Grand Canyon. To me "getting up early" and "Las Vegas" never belong in the same sentence, but maybe that's just me. Of course, I had my "second wind" (and didn't have to get up early) so I was rarin' to go. We met a nice man from Canada who was handing out panther panties to all of the ladies (for real - he said it was "for charity". I didn't know there was a need to donate thong panties to ladies who frequent Vegas nightclubs.) He offered to "take care of me" so I could stay out longer. That's never a good idea, so I headed back to the hotel for a (somewhat) early sleep. We had a big Saturday, so the slumber definitely did me good...more to come!

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