"Older than God," indeed...

Jeez, I am going to be 36 tomorrow. Eeeewwww. Out of that cool 24-35 demographic, and 4 years to "middle aged" - at least I already have the sports car and a high threshold for needle-inflicted pain, so I am ready for Botox! The whole "older than God" thing got stuck in my brain after someone once remarked that on his 34th birthday he would truly be older than God - for, as any good Catholic knows, Jesus walked the earth for 33 years. So, I am now suffering from the pre-birthday blues, a depression compounded by being stuck at my dead-end job and pondering the termination of my education, as I know I am not going to be able to finish my masters thesis by July. I am hoping my annual birthday trip to NYC will cure me. "Spamalot" should be a much-needed shot in the arm for me (especially if I can get backstage...one of my old FSU theater cronies is in the show!)

In preparation for the trip, I (stupidly) went to the mall in search of a knock-em-dead outfit for Broadway. How depressing. I am starting to feel old (even older than I did earlier today when I saw pictures from a recent Billy Idol concert. Seeing all of those approaching-middle aged, former "Rebel Yellers" in the audience made me unexpectedly sad.) Why I even bothered to go into a store called "Forever 21" is beyond me. I can't do the Britney-Christina-Lindsay-Ashlee thing anymore, and there doesn't seem to be anything for me - as I am not quite ready for the "Mrs. Roper muu-muus" just yet (I also need to keep out of Hot Topic!) I also went to bebe, otherwise known as "Everything's Tight" - not the ideal boutique for my lopsided figure (used to be sexy to be curvy, now it's a sin. Thanks, Renee Zellweger.) I have seen myself smaller, the only true regret I have from having been "sick" - I dream to be that small again. But hey, this is getting depressing...

Probably not the best day to blog. I'll be back in a better mood Monday!

Chasing Peter Frampton

I have difficulty remembering a lot of things. Passwords for web sites (especially for the 9 million employment web sites I currently have my resume on), birthdays, anniversaries, due dates for bills - but one thing I never forget is the first 45 (That's a record, kids!) I ever owned.

It was given to me by my aunt when I was 3 years old. It was Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World". Apparently, the opening riff prompted me to spin around the room like a whirling dervish for the duration of the tune, looking down and marveling at the undulation of the red and black shag carpeting in our living room, which also housed our Magnavox Hi-Fi - a monstrosity that was disproportionately large to hold a radio and turntable. Little did my aunt know that she had put me on a path I remain on to this day - an obsession with music. For some reason, my aunt started bequeathing her records to me when I was about 8. The spines of all of the records were shredded beyond recognition by her cat, Rags, but the vinyl was still unscathed. I was probably the only 8-year-old Fleetwood Mac fan (this is where my obsession with Stevie Nicks began - I gazed at the covers of "Fleetwood Mac" and "Rumors" and thought she was a beautiful fairy princess.)

Despite Ms. Nicks diaphanous beauty, my one, true, love was Peter Frampton. My aunt gave me the LP of "Frampton Comes Alive" and my life changed forever. I would open the gatefold sleeve and savor his blond locks and infectious smile. I played "Penny for Your Thoughts" incessantly (it was disappointing to find out that he wrote it for his then girlfriend, who ended up cheating on him. Whore.) As I got older, I only grew more enamored with Peter. I remember coming across an issue of Tiger Beat that had a picture of him with his birth date...April 22...THE SAME AS MINE! I felt an instant psychic connection to Peter - I cut the picture out, laminated it and stuck it in a keychain I carried with me everywhere (even though I did not possess one key.) When we first got cable TV, they had a channel that only showed G and PG films, and they ran "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" 43 times in a month. I was proud to admit that I had seen it all 43 times. (I don't even know how many times I've seen it since. Even on my 21st birthday, when my purse was stolen, I watched it and drank beer with one of my theater friends, who suffered through because he knew it would put me in a better mood.)

As you can see, I was certifiable. Of course, when he was in his heyday, I wasn't allowed to go to concerts. I so wanted Frampton to be my "first" (a distinction that went to Rick Springfield), but my parents didn't want their 10 year old at a rock concert. "Annie" - yes, Frampton - no. So I waited. And waited. And waited even longer. Finally, in 1993, he returned! I was working at a record store when his album came out, and I used to try to play it constantly during my shift (my co-workers always knew I was there the minute they walked in the door.) His tour stopped in Orlando, at Pleasure Island - Disney's idea of bars and such. I was married to my first husband at the time and he refused to go with me (one of the plethora of reasons he is my "ex"!) I was not going to miss seeing my hero, so I trucked on out to Disney by myself (Frampton has always been a "hard sell" to my friends.) I managed to befriend a couple while I was at the show, and, afterwards, we went in search of the man. We could only track down his drummer, which was enough for me, besides, I finally saw Frampton live.

I saw Frampton 4 more times after that (once at a big music fest, I was drinking all day, but sobered up the minute the announcer bellowed "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...PETER FRAMPTON!" Another time was a bad blind date and once where he almost signed one of my "Sgt. Pepper" trading cards...yes, I actually have the whole set.) And now, I am happy to report that I just saw Peter for the sixth time, just this past weekend.

Fortunately, my husband now understands my obsession and accompanied me to the show. It was at an outdoor festival, and there was lots of fried goodies, Italian sausage sandwiches, beer, and all of the other gourmet delicacies you can find at your local fair. We stuck into BBQ pork sandwiches, sweet potato curly fries, and beer before the big show. There was a very eclectic crowd at this show - cocky college kids, hippies, yuppies, kids, rednecks...and us. Lots of receding hairlines, beer guts, bad dye jobs, tattoos, missing teeth and a variety of rock and roll shirts (some Frampton, some Motley Crue, and one Jackyl?) We were sitting in the reserved section, as I wanted to get as close as I could. In front of us were some of the aforementioned rednecks, who were full of Anheuser Busch goodness by the time we sat down. Over to our left was a group of misplaced frat boys, one of whom looked vaguely like Ashton Kutcher (although he had a Tim Couch football t-shirt on, which led me to call him "Ashton Couch-er".) They were taking great delight in being the only ones standing up, and pissing off the yuppie-looking ladies behind them. But, our rednecks were far more interesting. The leader of the gang had his wife beater tank off and looped through his belt loop. He smoked 2 packs of cigarettes in 2 hours and drank like a fish. He disappeared for a lengthy amount of time and came back, mysteriously, soaking wet. When he wasn't off for more beer, he was singing along with Peter. Of course, his hop-fueled brain was a little off, so he was pretty much soloing. "OOOOOOhhhh, baaaaby I loooove your waaaaay." Same with his (impressive for a drunk) air guitar skills. One of the other boys in this lot was a big boy, and his secondary responsibility (besides making alternate beer runs) was to eat every nasty fried thing available, including a massive funnel cake and a deep fried Twinkie.

So how was the show? Awesome, as usual. FRAMPTON RULES!

P.S. Thanks to You Tube, feel free to enjoy "Penny for Your Thoughts"!

Aaaaah! I am so stressed! Finding a job is a daunting chore...it seems I have been looking for a job since I graduated from FSU (waaaaay back in 1990!) Why I didn't just stay at my first post-college job at the Shrimp Pocket is beyond me! (Not much money, but I never stressed and had all the shrimp and crinkle cut fries I could eat!) I have found with this most recent assignment that I am definitely not an accountant (which adds to the list of other things I am completely not cut out to do...sales, telemarketing, professional wrestling, crackwhoring...) For some reason, I feel even blonder than I am when I attempt to do any financial transactions at this job. As a temp in the department I am in, I have become good at playing dumb on the phone (as I am not permitted to say "No comment") and really good at taking things (and people) from one end of the massive campus to the other (I think my nickname should be "Interoffice mail"!) I am really looking forward to being done with this, as I think I may take a summer vacation and possibly spend some quality time with the new hubby - as he travels for work quite a bit and between that and the creeping crud I have had since the honeymoon, I have hardly seen him. On the up side, we haven't fought once!

One disadvantage of hubby not being around is that I have been free to watch the all of the crappy television shows I can. I am addicted to "The Surreal Life", I can't help it. I have watched all 4 seasons religiously. I have an affinity for has-beens (I guess it's because I am a "never-was"!) I am curious as to what (besides money, obviously) motivates these people to do this - and to behave the way they do knowing that their actions will be seen by the other dumb-asses like me who tune in every week.

Last night, however, I stumbled onto a very interesting little program on the awesome network Trio. It was called "Good Clean Porn" and it featured the "classic" film "I Dream of Jenna" - porn without all of that distracting sex and nudity. Good God, that woman cannot act her way out of a paper bag - not that it matters. She has that plastic-Barbie doll look and I am sure she is good at many other things, that were not showcased on this program. It is really funny to watch the "acting" in porn flicks (it's also quite amusing to watch the sex scenes in fast-forward mode - or maybe that's just me.) I much prefer the dramatics, the sex is pretty boring. I have never used a porn video for the purpose I guess it's designed for - to spice up things for you and your partner (or right hand). Every viewing of a porn flick for me has always involved friends, "Mystery Science 3000"-type commentary and often, some form of alcohol. But...I digress. Kick-ass show.

Alright, already. I have made a few (albeit feeble) attempts to get this started, but since I am stuck in the world's most dead-ended job, I have ample time to insert random thoughts into this here blog.

I am currently temping (yes, 13 years of college to be a temp) at a large television shopping network in the PR department. I am a glorified secretary - answering phones, making copies (cannot help but think of that annoying Rob Schnieder SNL sketch when I say that), sorting mail, basically being an errand bitch. I hate it. The worst part is that I, who until recently was carrying around an unfathomable amount of credit card debt, am now doing the accounting for the entire PR department! The delicate irony of the situation amuses me. I had approximately 4 hours of training, but haven't managed to totally screw up anything. Of course, I am covering for a girl on maternity leave, and I am hoping she tires of all things baby real soon. Not that I have anything lined up, mind you. I seem to have acquired a number of allies at this company who want to keep me working here...only not in their departments! One girl has tried to pawn me off on one of those "independent contractor" gigs selling financial solutions to families (more irony!) I am kinda, sorta hoping to have a little "summer vacation", one where I can get my act together and have a fresh start. (Since the beginning of 2005, I have gotten a new car and a new husband, so a fresh start seems to be in the cards for me.)

I promise to be more up-to-date with this blog (more a promise to myself than to anyone else) and hopefully the blog will reward me with enough stuff to finally get the great novel in my head to paper, or at least an e-book!