Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Writer's Line

Here's a piece I wrote as an "audition" to work on the site The Impulsive Buy, a food review site. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink Review

In my early-morning, post-workout haze, I mistakenly grabbed a can of Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink instead of my usual sugar-free Rockstar Zero Carb out of the cooler at my local gas ‘n’ sip. (Both beverages are packaged in a blue can…how devious of you, Coca-Cola.) It wasn’t until I put the open can to my lips to realize my error. Mercifully, the taste didn’t cause me to do a messy spit take across the inside of my car’s windshield.

Surprisingly for me, the drink was not an entirely unpleasant experience. It had a crisp edge, a slight citrus tang and only a teeny bit of an aftertaste. The can announces that this Blue Demon is “Blue Agave Flavor”. From my vast experience in the spirit world, I was aware that blue agave was used to make tequila. I only wondered if swigging this liquid would result in an overly interesting drive to work for the amount of time it took me to read the ingredients on the can and, sadly, there’s no actual blue agave in the drink (I’m thinking this would be a good mixer for vodka though. In the comfort of your home, kids – don’t drink and drive…especially to work.) If there’s such a thing as “sugar flavor”, it would perfectly describe the taste of this drink.

Since I haven’t had an energy drink with sugar in it since the days when I thought Red Bull and vodka was a good idea (it wasn’t), I was hoping for the lightheaded, euphoric buzz once experiences on a successful first date. Sadly, this was not to be – all that resulted was a slight headache and the concrete fact that I had just consumed 220 calories of pure guilt. It was more like one of those bad dates, when you go to the bathroom, call your friend and have them call you back with some excuse that affords you the chance to abruptly end the date. (I’ve unfortunately had more of the latter rather than the former.) I guess the Blue Demon’s “Full Throttle Blend” of guarana, ginseng, sucrose (oh, who are we kidding? It’s SUGAR.), carnitine, caffeine and taurine just left me in neutral. All in all, it was a fun experiment and I learned an important lesson (don’t grab things willy-nilly out of the cooler at the gas ‘n’ sip. Reading is fundamental.) Tomorrow, however, I fully intend to return to my Rockstar – grasping that can as I head into my office makes me feel kind of like Debbie Harry. Today. At 64 years old. But she’s still way cooler than I’ll ever be.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 220 calories, 0 grams of fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink
Price: $2.59
Purchased at: BP
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Crisp, light flavor, would mix well with vodka, didn’t have to clean my windshield, good first dates, Debbie Harry
Cons: Lack of satisfying energy drink buzz, deceptively packaged to look like Zero Carb Rockstar, not reading labels, no tequila in it, 220 calories per serving

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