But of course I've got a Michael Jackson story!

I'm still completely gobsmacked over the fact that the Gloved One has rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible (and don't even get me started on Farrah Fawcett). But, thinking about how he has been a part of my life in some way or another since I was a kid, I recalled an incident where I had the privilege of actually performing for Michael. Curious? Read on...


Back in the early 90s, I had a pseudo "acting" gig, working as a "grip" in the Alfred Hitchcock tribute show at Universal Studios Florida (the show was called "Alfred Hitchcock: The Art of Making Movies", but was affectionaltely known as "Itchy-cock" thanks to our Asian tourist friends. I found a clip of the show on YouTube, but I can't embed it, so if you're curious, check out this video. Picture me as the dude in the purple shirt.


My "Itchy-cock" gig was really fun (and super easy). The casts rotated, so I usually did 3-4 20-minute shows in an 8-hour day. Pretty cushy. But, of course, everyone was always trying to get out of shows or swap times so they could sneak out and see an afternoon matinee (that happened a lot). Remember that.


Michael Jackson was on a highly-publicized vacation in Orlando at the time (he was traveling with Macauley Culkin, which was regarded as slightly creepy as I recall.) They came out to Universal and were scheduled to come see our show in the afternoon. According to the schedule, it was MY show. I was beyond psyched and, naturally, my co-workers fell over themselves asking me if I wanted to swap shows with them. Obviuosly, I turned down their gracious offers. I can clearly remember seeing Mike 'n' Mac sitting in the back row of the small theater. When I was introduced, I waved and mouthed "Hi, Michael!" Although my "role" in the show was miniscule, I was so nervous. I did pull it off without a hitch (oops...sorry for the unintentional pun there!) Sadly, there was no "meet and greet" afterwards, but I do have my very own personal MJ memory. Sniffle...

Sunday in Vegas - Drag Queens and Stingers

Our last full day in Vegas started a little bit late – surprised? Rose headed back before the rest of us went to lunch at RM Seafood (the RM stands for celebrity chef Rick Moonen) in the hotel. The food was really good (my sister got mac ‘n’ cheese that was flavored with jalepeno – she couldn’t eat it, but it sure looked good), but the service was awful. After eating, we went to the Shark Reef for a while (very cool) and then took Mom to the ice bar. I sweet talked the lady there to “upgrade” Mom from a parka to a fur coat, ‘cause Brenda don’t wear no parka. We had two drinks there. I made the mistake of having a stinger for my second drink (I mean, crème de menthe in an ice bar? A match made in heaven, if you ask me!) The bartender was a complete babe, so I had enough liquid courage (and a wedding ring) to go talk to him. I envisioned he and Sue chatting, so I said to him “My friend fancies you.” His name was Alden and he had modeled for Abercrombie and Fitch (with a name like Alden, I think there’s really nothing else you could do.) During this little conversation, Sue beat it out of the bar. Oh well….

Since Vegas is a town where everyone makes at least one bad decision, Sue and I decided to have one more drink before we went upstairs to get ready to go see Jubilee. We went to the Orchid Lounge in the hotel and were waited on by a super sweet bartender named Wayne. He looked like one of the Osmond Brothers and, since there really is a Wayne Osmond, our bartender got a new nickname. We did only have one more drink and got ready to go out. When we got to the theater, Jules and Sue sat down in their seats (down front were the only accessible seats) and Mom, Colleen and I sat up in the cheap seats. Apparently, the show wasn’t sold out, so the ushers came and got us so we could sit with Sue and Jules. And get table service. I wanted a drink, but I got “the look” from Mom and drank water during the show. Sue didn’t. She drank champagne from big old goblets. I had a feeling things weren’t going to end well. Jubilee was everything you would think a big, old school Vegas revue would be. Cheese-o-licious! They had musical numbers depicting Samson and Delilah and, of course, the sinking of the Titanic. Since we were now up front, our tour guide from the day before saw us and we got winked at. For some reason I thought that was so amusing, probably because I’d never seen anyone break character like that before. If you go to Vegas and the show is still running, go see it. It’s so Vegas (and after a while, you really don’t think about the fact that the girls are topless. That’s weird.)

Mom, Sue, Colleen and I all went to dinner afterwards at Stripsteak at our hotel. I don’t think I have ever had French fries as good as the ones I had there. Ever. I also had a killer Kobe beef burger (sorry Anthony Bourdain, I like Kobe burgers!) The best part about dinner was watching Susan try not to look drunk in front of my Mom (even though we’re all grown, there’s just something weird about being tipsy in front of someone’s parents.) She wasn’t doing too well. I was distressed because I had been looking forward to seeing the drag show at Gipsy which featured the gorgeous queen Shannel from “RuPaul’s Drag Race”. I knew Mom and Colleen weren’t going and the way things were looking, Sue wasn’t going to make it either. I was not going back to Florida without seeing the drag show, so I went by myself. God knows I’m no stranger to a gay bar! The cab driver promised me that there would be cabs available outside of the bar when I wanted to leave, so I went in with little trepidation. The show was in progress when I came in and after only a few minutes, Miss Shannel came on stage dressed like Stevie Nicks. I was in heaven! During a break, I met a very nice drag queen from Hawaii named Princess. She was more than happy to talk with me. Her two friends (also drag queens) – not so much. They were downright surly. I went back into the bar to get a ringside seat for the show and two cute boys sat next to me. They were from Odessa, right down the road from my former place of residence, Port Richey (small world!) Don and his partner (I can’t, for the life of me, remember his name) were my best buds for the rest of the night. After the (fabulous) show, I got to meet Shannel, who was gracious and far from the diva she was portrayed as on RuPaul’s show. I even met her mom! As promised, a cab was waiting outside to whisk me back to the Mandalay Bay. It was well worth staying sober for – and a perfect end to a perfect trip. Words just can’t do it justice. I’ll be back soon, Sin City!

40th B-Day Recap - Saturday in Vegas - Cougarlicious!

Our fun-packed day began with the Jubilee Backstage Tour at Bally’s. Colleen and I went over early (Mom opted out, preferring to rest up for the long day/night ahead) and desperately tried to find a place where we could eat breakfast without having to wait for a million years (you can walk into any restaurant for dinner, but breakfast is a completely different story. Las Vegas must be the breakfast buffet capital of the world. Actually, it’s probably a good thing, because if any of these people are like me, as drinks hit the belly, the need for food seems to diminish greatly – and that results in one drunken night owl. Might as well get a good “base” early. Sadly, Colleen and I ended up at a convenience store in Paris. My breakfast (if you could call it that) was spicy beef jerky and a Michelob Ultra. Breakfast of Champions. We went into the Jubilee Theater for our tour and were delighted to see a recreation of the set of “The Price is Right” on the stage (they do a live version of the show during the day). We took some pictures at “Contestants Row” and couldn’t resist the temptation to sneak up on stage and get our pictures taken on the Showcase set. Being the rabble-rousers we are, other people quickly scurried onto the stage to get their pictures taken as well. This was all well and good until our tour guide came out and caught us all in the act (apparently, this was kind of a no-no.) At least our guide, Patsy, laughed it off. She is one of the dance captains of the show and mentioned the fact that we’d recognize her in the show as “the drunk lady on the Titanic” at least a million times during the one-hour tour. (I’m not kidding.) We had to sign a waiver before going on the actual tour, lest anyone wanted to recreate the infamous “pushing down the stairs” scene from “Showgirls”. The tour was cool – the theater geek in me loved seeing all of the set pieces, costumes and stage mechanisms. We were saddened to see that the stairs that led to the dressing room were curved – not the straight, steel staircase from “Showgirls.” Damn! We learned lots of “fun facts” about being a showgirl – you have to have natural boobs and be at least 5’9” (well, I’m 50% of the way there!) and you have to re-audition for your role every 6 months. That would completely suck (although it reminded me of my days back at Universal, when you’d watch all of the production crews scramble for jobs every time a Nickelodeon show wrapped.) Patsy promised us that if we waved to her during the actual show that she’d wink back. Considering we were in the cheap seats, I figured that wasn’t gonna happen.

After the tour, we grabbed Mom and made a beeline for Dick’s. My lap dance buddy was there, as well as the waiter who made Jules her hat the day before. Of course, the waiter served us. You could actually see him pondering whether or not he should be “rude” to my Mom. He started out nice – and I started to worry that we weren’t going to get the “Dick’s experience” – and then redeemed himself by saying “And we don’t serve water with lemon – EVER – so suck it, old lady!” Yay, waiter! We ambled around for a while, and then Mom and I went to mass (yeah, really!) When I got back to the room, my friend Rose (who I’ve known since I was 5) had arrived and we got ready to go see CHER (you gotta use caps when you’re talking about CHER…and TINA…and FRAMPTON)! Rose didn’t bring any cash with her and she managed to sweet talk the cab driver who drove her from the airport. She left for collateral a photo of her son (very cute collateral indeed!) and promised to call him later so he could take us to Caesars and pay him then. This cabbie, DJ, was a hoot. He was chummy and chatty and my Mom was confused. She asked if Rose actually knew the guy. DJ gave us some fun “taxi tips”, like making sure the drivers traveled down the strip on Frank Sinatra Blvd. instead of Las Vegas Blvd. (if he said it once, he said it a thousand times.) We paid him and headed into the show. As always, CHER was fabulous. Costume changes a-plenty, glitz, glam, wigs, boy dancers – you name it, she brought it. And – I didn’t fall asleep! Woo hoo!

After the show, we had reservations at Rao’s (Rao’s of the overpriced spaghetti sauce Rao’s). Caesars was a complete zoo as we exited the theater and to make matters worse, they had confiscated our cameras before the show. Our reservation was for 9:30, I think it was 9:28 when we got out of the theater. Rose and I made a mad dash to claim our table while Colleen and Mom waited to get the cameras back. We had NO idea where we were going, so we asked the doorman at the Shadow Bar. I don’t know what it was about him, but he was the most handsome man I’d seen in a while. He pointed us in the right direction and we headed off. Rose was under this guy’s spell too. She told me that she hoped I paid attention because his handsomeness was so distracting that she temporarily lost her information retention skills. We all got to the restaurant in dribs and drabs and had a delicious meal. Mom and Colleen went back to the hotel, leaving Rose and I to our own devices. Our first stop was to go back and see the “handsome man”. We asked him (since he looked to be about our age) if he knew of any age-appropriate places we could go and hang out. I know I’m still a “spring chicken” but I didn’t want to be the “old girl in the club.” The question was pretty much just an excuse to get another eyeful of him – and take a photo (the photo you see here just doesn't do him justice).

For sentimental reasons, we decided to stop by the Las Vegas Hilton, in hopes of seeing David, the craps dealer I befriended there last September and Carol, the manager who offered to comp me for breakfast after finding out I had been out of work for a few months. Sadly, they were nowhere to be found, but we did see a sign for an after party for the Monster Garage show – which piqued my interest. Monster Garage is a band made up of a bunch of your old 80s hair band faves and led by Mr. Dee Snider of Twisted Sister. We walked right into the bar and sat down, but there were no aging hair rockers to be found. What was there was the godawful house/cover band Sin City Heat. If there’s one thing that I can truly admit is a guilty pleasure is a cheesy pop cover band, and Sin City Heat is one of the cheesiest (second only to the cover bands they used to have at Disney’s Pleasure Island in the late 80s/early 90s.) We were treated to a few numbers by the band (the only one I can remember is “Crazy In Love” by Beyonce) before they packed it up. As they were ending their set, the bar started to fill up with dudes who obviously were at the Monster Garage show – and the mix of cheesy Vegas-types and middle-aged heavy metal fans was slightly unsettling. Rose and I decided to move on to another adventure and as we walked out, Dee Snider came from downstairs into the bar. What timing! I went up to him and asked for a picture, to which he gladly agreed (he’s a really nice guy.) Rose (who I forgot to mention had on heels that made her over 6’ tall) came up to him for a photo and Dee leaned into me and said “She’s a tall drink of water.” (She is actually taller than him.)

It was around 3:30am, so we went back to the Mandalay Bay and I dragged Rose to the ice bar. We only stayed for one drink because Rose hated the frosty establishment. We went down to the Rumjungle, which we had both patronized before for some late night dancing and caipirihnas. We closed down the place (I still got it!) and, as we were leaving, got chatted up by some boys. We thought we blew them off, but as we walked towards Razzles for an “early breakfast” (hash browns for Rose, a Bloody Mary for me), we found them in front of us in line. I don’t know exactly how, but we all ended up sitting together. The leader of this group, Zack, called me “Cougarlicious” and begged me to make out with him. I’m not a believer in the whole “what happens in Vegas…” thing myself, so I told him “No” in more ways than I could ever imagine there were. Zack was 30 and a lawyer and was there with his friends, one of whom was nicknamed Teabag (I’d lobby for a new moniker if I were him.) Fortunately, Zack’s friends finally dragged him out, so we could return to our room unharassed (the boys did pay the check, so that was cool.) I think it was around 5:30ish when we finally went to bed. Now that's making the most of your day! My recap of my last day (sniffle) is forthcoming...

Friday in Vegas - Dancing with Dicks and Cirque du Snoozay

(Part two in a long overdue recap of my 40th birthday festivities!)

Well, we didn't sleep in as long as I thought we would...we even made it up in time for breakfast - a late breakfast, mind you, but breakfast nonetheless. We went downstaris to a restaurant called Razzles. Good news: we were seated immediately (because we were all feeling slightly...umm...peckish). Bad news: we were relegated to a secluded area right next to the kitchen. I guess hungry beggars can't be choosers, hmm? We also had a slightly eccentric, slightly surly waiter. In the middle of my order, he just walked away (I pretty much got out "I'll have the -- " and pbbbllltt, he was gone - sorry for the "Hee Haw" reference.) I did have a delicious lobster omelet (even breakfast is decadent in Sin City!) and a Bloody Mary (a morning tradition!)

After filling our tanks, Jules headed off to the massive pool area and Sue and I ventured toward the Excalibur, where my old FSU bud Donavin was staying. I was delighted to discover that there was a Dick's Last Resort there, as the joint was a favorite when I lived in Atlanta. Of course, we had to have a few drinks, for old times' sake (by this time, Jules had joined us, as she couldn't find any space at the overcrowded pool area - can't blame the folks for wanting to hang out, as it was the nicest weather I've ever experienced in Vegas. It was in the mid 70s-low 80s the whole time we were there.) There was a master of ceremonies-type/ringmaster at Dick's, doing a hilarious (and quite low budget) recreation of the Belagio fountain show that had to be seen to be believed and then dissected a good deal of the musical numbers from "Grease". He asked if it was anyone's birthday and of course, me being the closet attention whore that I am, volunteered for a burfday lap dance. I was seated in a chair in the middle of the joint and was promised a "sexy lapdance" from the emcee (did I mention he had a little extra "cushion for the pushin'" - if you know what I mean? See photo above if you don't get it.) Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" pulsed from the overhead speakers and it was ON. Hey, it was way better than the dance I received during my first bachelorette party (which was actually at a male strip club!) Cameras clicked away - the picture above just sums it all up so nicely. We hungout a bit more and watched Donavin and Jules subtly flirt with each other while admiring the parade of hilarious paper hats that walked by (at Dick's they're famous for making the patrons wear these hats, with incredibly lewd things scrawled on them.) Some favorites were "I fart KY Jelly", "Hung like a white boy" (on a black dude, 'natch) and my personal favorites - one man with a "I love to blow bubbles" hat and his buddy wearing a hat that said (of course) "Hi, I'm Bubbles." Jules insisted on getting a hat, so this funny waiter made her one that said "Blah, blah, blah, just stick it in my butt." Classy and understated.


Since Donavin had a "lady friend" waiting for him at the Wynn, we parted ways and the gals and I headed down the strip, ending up at New York New York. We made a beeline to the pub (Nine Fine Irishmen) and ordered up some delicious imported brews and an assortment of fried potatoes and onions. Yum! Afterwards, Sue decided that she wanted one of those chair massages. I was pretty buzzed by this time, but a massage sounded pretty damn good and, "What the hell, it's my birthday!", I forked over my $20 for a damn good massage. Despite being smack dab in the center of a noisy casino, it was pretty darned relaxing! Before we left, we had one more drink (why not, right?) and met some guy who had also recently turned 40. The only reason I remember meeting him was that I found a photo with him on my camera (one of those "Oh...yeah...!" moments, to be sure.)

We returned to Mandalay Bay to get ready for dinner and the show. I put some of my famous "doe-eyed look" individual lashes (probably the only advice I've ever actually used from Cosmo) on Jules - and they stayed on her for the rest of the trip. We went to the MGM Grand for dinner and the Cirque du Soleil show Ka. We had a craving for sushi (well...I always have a craving for sushi), so we ate at the Grand Wok. The hostess there was strikingly beautiful (a petite Asian woman with impeccably applied makeup and a sleek, bob hairdo.) She looked like a model, but was surprisingly camera shy. This was all it took for us to make it our mission to get a photo of her. She was very wily - we never got the picture. The sushi was okay (I've definietly had better), but at least I was eating at regular intervals - unlike my last trip to Vegas when I only had 2 miniscule slices of pizza at Spago to soak up 15 hours worth of booze. It wasn't pretty.

After dinner, we went to see Ka. All of the ushers were "in character" and wore very elaboarte costumes. Pre-show, there were periodic shots of flames and performers tethered to big bungees swinging over the stage and onto various set pieces along the sides of the stage. It was pretty cool. So far, so good. Unfortunately, the oversized plush seats were a little too comfy and, as the theater darkened and the signature Cirque new-agey, pipe flute-laden music began to play (toodle-dee-dooooo...), I started to find myself in an epic battle between staying awake and passing out. I was in and out of consciousness for the duration of the show - despite more flames, tilting stages, stage combat, applause and stomping around. Irish beer will do that to you. After my very expensive nap, we ventured over to Studio 54 for what amounted to a nightcap (Sue and Jules were getting up early the next morning to go to the Grand Canyon. To me "getting up early" and "Las Vegas" never belong in the same sentence, but maybe that's just me. Of course, I had my "second wind" (and didn't have to get up early) so I was rarin' to go. We met a nice man from Canada who was handing out panther panties to all of the ladies (for real - he said it was "for charity". I didn't know there was a need to donate thong panties to ladies who frequent Vegas nightclubs.) He offered to "take care of me" so I could stay out longer. That's never a good idea, so I headed back to the hotel for a (somewhat) early sleep. We had a big Saturday, so the slumber definitely did me good...more to come!

Vegas Memories - the Thursday Edition

I apologize for not getting these up sooner! I also apologize for the length of them, I can't figure out how to break them up - damn you, Blogger!

After spending an incredibly uneventful 40th birthday the day before (P. was out of town, but my office threw me a little shindig, so that was nice.) I did entertain the thought of taking the big day off (I kept thinking about that old Jim Gaffigan bit, “I can’t believe I’m going to work on my birthday. I can’t believe I’m doing laundry on my birthday. I can’t believe I’m paying for sex on my birthday.”) but knowing that I’d probably be dropping some major coin in LV, I decided to go in (besides, what would I do?) But, I digress…I flew into Las Vegas via AirTran, and did the old upgrade thing for the Atlanta-Vegas leg. On the way I watched “Tropic Thunder” on my Touch and corrupted the nice young attorney sitting next to me. He ordered coffee, I ordered a rum ‘n’ diet Coke. He quickly changed his order and followed suit. I’m such a bad influence! I arrived in Vegas in the early afternoon and, fortunately, so did my bag. I took a cab to the Mandalay Bay and checked in. Our room was lovely – 29th floor with a view of the massive pool area. I decided to take a walk around and get the “lay of the land”, because I knew that if I tried to take a nap, I’d pass out and miss the evening’s festivities (which would have been a crime!) As I walked through the casino and luxurious Mandalay Place shopping center, I pondered what was to be my first big decision of the trip – my first Sin City libation. I opted to go “tacky tourist” and grab a squooshy bottle full of 180 Octane (with a bonus shot of 151) from Fat Tuesday. Classy…

I returned to my room and got all dolled up for the big event – a VIP experience with Donny and Marie. Yes, that Donny and Marie. I figured that since my Peter Frampton meet-up aspirations were going nowhere, I could at least meet another of my early idols. I even brought the album cover (“Songs from the Television Show”) that I brought to school with me every day during D&M’s television heyday (the one with “A Little Bit Country” and “Deep Purple” on it.) I put on my snazzy new red satin dress and took a cab to the Flamingo. I grabbed a bite to eat (lettuce wraps - and a few Malibu ‘n’ diet Cokes for good measure) at a little bar called Voga before the show and enjoyed the scenery, it was “cute boy-o-rama” at the Flamingo for some reason. Once the theater doors opened, I got my VIP laminate and took my seat in the very front of the place. One thing about people who attend a Donny and Marie show, they’re chatty. I made friends quickly with the people at my table, a couple who were there for the fourth time. A nice gal from California, also there solo, named Kim and I bonded quickly. You’re never alone at a Donny and Marie show. The show itself was cheese-o-licious. D&M sang some songs together (and Donny grabbed my hand…I was in heaven). Marie then had her solo time, singing show tunes, a little bit of country (‘natch) and even an opera number. Her voice was awesome (since I was so close, I could hear her voice before it even hit the microphone), and she hasn’t gained back any of the weight she lost on Nutri-System. Donny, of course, was awesome – and yes, he sang “Soldier of Love” (I loved that song in the 80s.) I particularly enjoyed the sassy boy dancer who asked me how I was doing in the middle of the show. At the end of the show, we got on line to have some “quality time” with D&M. To their credit, they were all smiles and niceness to every single person in line (and I’ve got to imagine it’s gotta get “old” after a while.) While I waited, I was fascinated with a couple in front of me – a middle-aged dude with a fabulous blow-dried mullet and his artificially-enhanced, bleached-blond wife (picture what Loni Anderson’s character from “WKRP” would look like today. Not Loni, just her character.) Of course, I keeping with my awkward celebrity encounters, when it was my turn to chit chat, I immediately screamed “I love you!” at Donny. Like I said, these two were sweet to a fault and gamely played along. When I told Marie the sad tale of the battered album cover, she said to me “You are ADORABLE!” Well, that made my trip (actually, that and hugging Donny, which I repeatedly told my friend Susan for the rest of the trip. Me: “You know, I hugged Donny Osmond.” Susan : “I KNOW!”) Kim and I waited around for almost an hour after the show to get our pictures and I bought the only ones where I wasn’t completely fawning over D&M (and boy, there were a lot of those!) And the night was still young!

In a state of complete, celebrity-induced euphoria, I headed back to the Mandalay Bay, where Sue and Julia were getting settled in. They had a very chummy flight attendant on their flight and were enjoying a few complimentary tiny bottles of booze when I got back to the room. We got our act together and went in search of a place to keep the party going. We didn’t go far – we ended up at a bar made of ice in Mandalay Place. It’s called Minus 5, and it ended up being my unofficial “hangout” for the rest of the trip. It was crowded at the bar and we had to wait at the adjoining “lodge” before we could bundle up in parkas, booties and gloves and head into to the booze freezer. Jules went off to the little girl’s room and Sue and I went in and ordered a round of dirty martinis (mmmm…) Time ticked on, and Jules was nowhere to be found. We looked for her and called her cell phone. Nothing. Finally, a kid dressed in a penguin suit came over, pulled his mask up and asked us if we were with a girl in a wheelchair. He told us she had already gone into the ice bar. We asked him if he could get her back out and he said “I’m just a penguin” (this was his stock line, as Julia was the one who sent him out to find us in the first place and, when she asked him to fetch us, he repeated his catchy catchphrase. “I’m just a penguin” rapidly became the battle cry for the rest of the trip.) This is, believe it or not, the only night of the trip that ended a little “fuzzy” for me. In typical me fashion, I did fall down, but I didn’t get sick – and was up relatively early the next day for more fun!

A Vegas Appetizer...

This week I promise to get stories and memories up from my fabulous Vegas trip - but, in the interim, I thought you may enjoy this. I love those stupid "LOLZ" (especially the dog ones), so I made my first (somewhat half-assed) attempt at one of my own, featuring one of the awesome drag queens I saw last Sunday in Sin City. So...here goes...




Likey?

Adventures in 80s Land, Part Two

Okay, since I realized I had a hell of a lot more to say about VH-1’s “Greatest One Hit Wonders of the ‘80s” than I thought I did, here are some random thoughts on selections #49-1. At least by this time, I had a pretty good buzz going…

One thought that kept recurring in my head during the first few hours of this countdown was “Where the HELL is “Shaddap You Face” by Joe Dolce?

I saw the Georgia Satellites (“Keep Your Hands to Yourself”, #46) open for Tom Petty back in 1987 at the “legendary” Hollywood Sportatorium (which we all referred to as the “Snortatorium”, or the “Snort” for short. ) In keeping with the tradition of the venue, my then-boyfriend smoked an impressive amount of pot that night.

Robbie Nevil (“C’est la Vie”, #45) is another one I thought went beyond one hit wonder-dom. My girl Teej and I used to jam out to the dance mix of “Wot’s It To Ya” back in the day. Good times.

I auditioned for the Pom Pom squad in high school (and made the team, thankyouverymuch) in 1985, and I remember that Shannon’s “Let the Music Play” (#43) was played over and over that afternoon. Girlfriend can still do splits, sadly, I can’t say the same.

I still hate “Break My Stride” (#39). It could be one of my most hated pop songs ever. The singer had a bad white dude perm and porn ‘stache too. Yuck.

I forgot that one of the Weather Girls died. Sadness….

John Parr. Great mullet – and he’s still rocking it. You go, boy. I liked “Naughty Naughty” a heck of a lot better than “St. Elmo’s Fire (#28.)

The lead singer of Cutting Crew (“I Just Died In Your Arms”, #26) is dead too? That sucks.

Did anyone else think Eddy “Electric Avenue” Grant was hot?

I really didn’t need to see close-ups of Pete Burns’ (Dead or Alive, “You Spin Me Round” - #19) pus-filled, cosmetic surgery-destroyed lips. What a train wreck.

DEVO (“Whip It”, # 15) never struck me as a one hit wonder either. They had a bunch of cool songs – I mean, “Working in a Coalmine”? “Love Without Anger”? “Peek-A-Boo”? Come on, VH-1!

I forgot how much Big Country rocked – and how much of a crush I used to have on Stuart Adamson. (I do remember being quite saddened to learn of his suicide back in the mid-90s.) Big Country was the first parent-free concert I ever attended. I’m going to download “In A Big Country” (#14) and “Fields of Fire” when I get home.

I wish I still had my “Frankie Say Relax” t-shirt.

At this point, I retired the pen and paper (damn you, wine!) But I really had nothing overly relevant to say about the top 10 (like any of what I’ve written has any relevance!) I will admit that I didn’t see Dexy’s Midnight Runners (“Come On Eileen”) as the #1 one hit wonder. I danced with an adorable boy in Ireland to that song (I was on the Emerald Isle the summer that song was at the top of the charts. Memories…)

All I can say is I’m so happy I finally have something to post! With P. traveling for work more, I hope to update this blog a bit more often (hope is the operative word here!)

Nostalgia and Wine

I have meant to post here for a long time, but there’s just not enough time in the day to work, have family time and nurture my creativity (and, admittedly, to watch the TV shows rapidly piling up on my DVR.) One such DVR purge allowed me to revisit the days of cassingles and party mix tapes – VH-1’s “Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 80s”. That's five hours I could have spent doing much more productive things, but as I am positively speeding to the big 4-0, I thought the stroll down godawful pop music lane was just what the doctor ordered to cure my slight malaise at hitting middle age. Well, that and a fine wine. During the show, I took notes (hey, at least I was writing something), so I now proudly present “Fun Facts from 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80s.”

I actually made reference to the lyrics to the Clarence Clemons/Jackson Browne song “You’re A Friend of Mine” (#100) in my senior yearbook. That’s almost as embarrassing as my senior picture. Almost.

“Pac Man Fever” (#98) could be the dumbest song ever (well, except perhaps for “The Curley Shuffle”).

Peter Frampton should be allowed to beat the living snot out of Will to Power for their completely anemic cover of “Baby, I Love Your Way” (#97). The version of the song in “Reality Bites” was almost as horrific.

Around the time The Fabulous Thunderbirds were popular (“Tuff Enuff”, #96), they appeared on MTV’s Spring Break coverage in an oyster eating contest with some frat guys. One of them (the frat boys, not the band members) was my then-boyfriend (and he skipped my sorority formal for that. Scumbag.)

I still adore Haircut 100’s “Love Plus One” (#90) – and just learned that Nick Heyward was singing “Ring” and not “Reg” (with a hard “g”) in that song.

I’d love to see Nik Kershaw sing “Wouldn’t It Be Good” (#88) again. We saw him back in the 80s when he opened for Paul Young (remember him?)

Best misquoted song by my Mom ever – Paul Lekakis’ “Boom Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room)” (#83). I didn’t like that song until I heard my Mom’s interpretation of it – I think she felt it was one of the signs of the apocalypse.

The lead singer of Red Rider (“Lunatic Fringe”, #82) is Tom Cochrane, who also sang “Life is a Highway” (who knew?)

Alannah Myles (“Black Velvet”, #79) is a witch.

Most annoying song of all time? J.J. Fad’s “Supersonic” (#76) – one of my younger sister’s faves. Still makes my butt pucker to this day.

Contrary to what it says in the Paul Hardcastle song “19” (#73), the average age of a soldier fighting in Vietnam was 23.

Swing Out Sister’s “Breakout” (#72) always reminds me of my college roommate, Chet. I miss that guy.

I actually paid money to see Jack “Frisco” Wagner in concert (“All I Need”, #71). In my defense, I took my younger sister (who was a huge fan) to see him for her confirmation present. The low point of the show was when he sang a song he wrote about world hunger called “Don’t Forget How Lucky We Are”. Really.

(I obviously wrote this after the wine started getting to me.) Eminem sampled Martika’s “Toy Soldiers” (#67) – crap can be recycled! (Friends don’t let friends drink and write.)

Jeff Healey (“Angel Eyes”, #66) will still be the most famous blind singer since Stevie Wonder. Sorry, “American Idol” contestant Scott (I did initially write this stuff before he was eliminated!)

I always liked the Boomtown Rats song “Up All Night” waaay better than “I Don’t Like Mondays” (#65). Anyone else?

Cheesy as it might be (and it is) Robbie Dupree’s “Steal Away” (#64) is still quite listenable.

The first song I didn’t really know in this countdown is Oran “Juice” Jones’ “The Rain” (#63).

I don’t really think XTC was a one hit wonder (“Dear God”, #62).

“Da Butt” (#61). Aaah, the memories. Back in my carefree college days, we used to play a drinking game to this song – every time the word “butt” was uttered, we drank. It was all fun and games until I bought the 12” remix! It was easily a three-beer song.

Nu Shooz (“I Can’t Wait”, #60) wasn’t really a one hit wonder – they also did “Point of No Return”, which was an MTV staple for quite a while, as I recall.

I know that Outlook had more than one hit (“Your Love”, #59). One hit album, definitely, but more than one hit (I always liked “All the Love in the World”.) They played the FSU Homecoming Pow Wow one year. U of Florida always had kick-ass homecoming concerts (big name comedians and such), we always had more pedestrian fare like Rod Stewart and Jimmy Buffett (fortunately I am a “Margarita Man” fan, and was a borderline Parrothead in college.)

I never liked Johnny Kemp’s “Just Got Paid” (#55) until I heard N*SYNC’s remake of it. Does that make me evil?

#53 – “Puttin’ on the Ritz.” TACO! He’s big in Germany. So is David Hasslehoff.

Poor Falco. Not only did “Rock Me Amadeus” not make the cut, but his version of “Der Kommissar” didn’t either. The English version by After the Fire (#51) beat him out.

“Buffalo Stance” by Neneh Cherry (#50) surprisingly still holds up.

Sheesh…this is a long post. I’ll reserve #s 49-1 for another entry. Two in one day? Unprecedented!

Happy 200th, Abe!

I figured that since there are already a million completely humiliating pictures of me on Facebook, I'd share this. There are so many things wrong here...the extensions...the fake bake (no, I'm not wearing white gloves!)...if the whole pic was here, you could also see the denim cutoff shorts. Egads. Hey, I was young (this was taken in 1997.) What I always wanted to know was what the hell was Abe Lincoln doing in Daytona Beach?

Facebook is my new shrink

I love the Facebook. Not only have I found a bunch of people I haven't heard from in years (and one I never wanted to ever set eyes on again), but I'm learning even more about myself - and how dysfunctional I truly am.

Take, for example, this list of "25 Things People Might Not Know About Me." Would you send a friend request to this person?

1. I am obsessed with Peter Frampton (actually, a lot of people know that).
2. The movie I have seen the most is “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (see item #1), which I have seen well over 100 times (including watching it with Patrick Williams on my 21st birthday, the morning of which my purse – and ID – were stolen…and it was a Sunday. Sucks to be me. My purse, car and $750 from my bank account/credit card were stolen on my 22nd birthday, but that’s another story.)
3. I am desperately trying to write a book. I have some short stories, but that’s about it (who has the time?)
4. My dream job is to be a stand-up comedian (Mike, you were responsible for this!) I did do improv in Atlanta for a few years, and would actually love to do it again.
5. When people win awards or get any kind of special recognition on TV, I get teary-eyed.
6. I harbor a deep-seeded fascination with Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell and have every single one of her Spice Girl dolls. I’m not kidding.
7. I wish I could sing above the quality of a karaoke singer (which I’ve been told I’m not too bad at – by drunk people.)
8. I want to learn Japanese and to play the guitar.
9. I loathe peas.
10. I have never seen “It’s A Wonderful Life.” For some reason, this annoys people.
11. I’m not fond of children (in general – my friends’ kids - and the kids in my immediate and extended families - are an exception to the rule, because they’re all angels, of course. I will only ever be a mommy to Boo (my white Shepard.)
12. I have completed five half marathons, and am training for my sixth. This is coming from a girl who was ranked as the worst high school cross country runner in 1985 (and due to loads of knee problems, I actually walk the races.)
13. I played a “fish farmer” (otherwise known as an extra) on an episode of “SeaQuest DSV”, and got to “act” with Michael York.
14. I was cast as Marilyn Munster for Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights back in 1997. Sadly, I never got to perform (but neither did the kid they cast as Eddie.)
15. I was a full-time vegetarian for a few years. I went veggie because I saw (on an episode of “Pop Up Video”) that Fiona Apple lost ten pounds when she went meat-less. Nowadays, I try, but I can’t resist sushi and the occasional chicken wing. I very rarely eat red meat.
16. I have an ever-increasing respect for the music of Barry Manilow.
17. My most embarrassing celebrity encounter was meeting Eric Idle and, after mentally rehearsing an eloquent, intelligent speech complementing him on his body of work (especially “The Rutles”), I blurted out “You’re my favorite Monty Python guy!” (I was much cooler when I met Tim Curry.)
18. I could go to theme parks every single day – even though I worked at EPCOT (Journey Into Imagination/Captain EO and Communicore), Disney’s Hollywood Studios (Star Tours) and Universal (I was a “grip” in the stage show at the Hitchcock attraction and was a VIP studio guide for about two years.) I was also a CNN tour guide (twice!)
19. The day I can no longer eat obnoxiously spicy food will be the worst day of my life.
20. I didn’t have a real boyfriend until I was 17. Although, my first boy/girl “date” was seeing “Chariots of Fire” with Michael Clare in 1981.
21. I love “judge” shows (Judy, Mathis, People’s Court) and true crime documentaries and books.
22. I have way too many books in my library that I never finished – and a few I haven’t read at all.
23. I have visited Ireland, England, Jamaica, the Carribean, Mexico, Costa Rica, Australia, France, Scotland, Canada and Japan, but my dream vacation still involves going to LA to be on “The Price is Right” – and I have to play Plinko.
24. If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d have to pick Atlanta, with LA coming in a close second.
25. I am rarely ever not in high heels. When I lived in Orlando, I often bought them from a stripper store.
26. It was surprisingly hard coming up with this list!

Recapist

I'm very proud of my "Rock of Love Bus" recap on the site that I thought I'd link it here. (Just in case you don't think I'm still writing or anything....)

Cut and Paste...2009 Resolutions

I was so tempted to just recycle last year's resolution post, but I decided to write a brand-spankin' new list of New Year's resolutions that I'll recycle in 2010. So, anywhoo....

As always, I could stand to lose a few pounds. I'd like to make more of a concerted effort to go back to eating more vegetarian products, as I felt better when I did. I haven't been a regular at the gym either, which can be attributed to my difficulty sleeping and having to get up early to go to work (not that I'm complaining...I love my job!) I just need to get back into a shape of some sort - mainly so I don't have to buy any new clothes. Shopping bores me anymore. That's sad.

Since I'm (still...and probably will always be) obsessed with matters of weight, resoultion #1 had to be what it is. I think the most important resoultion is to write more - not just the stuff I'm paid to write from 9 to 5, but these (terribly neglected) blogs of mine. I'm never going to get a book going (or a pamphlet for that matter), if I don't hunker down and write a little bit more. I have lots to say (although it doesn't look that was as of late) and I need to get cracking!

You know what? I really don't have anything else. I think these two are pretty all-encompassing. I do resolve to have a killer 40th birthday - but that's pretty easy. Especially with my friends. I guess I'll end this post with a promise to have another one up very soon! Happy '09, y'all!

A belated present to you...

Since I'm holding down the fort at the office today (which means sitting at my desk hoping that there are no emergencies), I have a little free time. So, I thought I'd give all of you a little day after Christmas present. This is the only laugh out loud scene from "Step Brothers" - which is sad because I think Will Ferrell is generally a hoot and I adore John C. Reilly. The true hilarity ensues at :54. Enjoy...

(Damn! You gotta see it on YouTube, it's not embeddable - here's the link: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=XUXOtCOnS4s&feature=related)

You're welcome!

I forgot to give you a hug...

Just in case I don't post before Santa Claus arrives, Merry Christmas to all of my loyal (and patient) readers (all one of you)! I will be posting my list of New Year's resolutions soon (actually, I can probably cut and paste the list from last year) and hope that Santa leaves some time management skills under the tree for me this year, so I can write more (the stuff I'm not getting paid for.) This has been a pretty good year - working the job of my dreams, losing it, getting a new job that's almost as wonderful (because I have to go to an office, that's the only reason it hasn't reached the awesomeness of working for Buzznet.) Along the way, I've had some fun times with the pals and the hubby and cleaned up more dog hair than I'd care to recall. Here's hoping you get what you want from the portly, red-suited one!

Happy (Almost) Halloween

It's sad that after such a long absence from this blog, that I had to return just to show off the saddest pumpkin in the world. I could have kept it a shameful secret shared with a few, wine-soaked friends at a party, but nooooo...I am a glutton for punishment. So, here goes...

I can explain. I thought it would be nifty to carve my pumpkin to resemble Gene Simmons of KISS (the makeup wearing Gene, who I think is cool. The real Gene strikes me as a complete douchenozzle.) I tried to draw a "pattern" with a Sharpie (can you see where I'm going here?) and ended up just drawing my own interpretation of Gene, sans makeup. I was trained in the arts, but drawing was definitely not one of them. And it's probably better to keep me away from sharp implements anyway.

So...anywhoo...Happy Halloween, everybody! No trick, I fully plan on recapping Napa, Vegas and general events in my life real soon!

My New Comedy Crush

Move over Eddie Izzard, I have a rival for my comedic affections in the form of Russell Brand. Yes, the guy who so awkwardly tried to host the VMAs recently. I thought he was hilarious in"Forgetting Sarah Marshall", but apparently America forgot about his performance already. I've seen way too many people say he's not funny, so I want to come to his defense. The guy is a riot. I DVR-ed a special on BBC America recently (because Eddie Izzard was promised) and I finally got to see Russell do some stand up. If you love Eddie (and I do), you can't help but laugh at this (anyone who does a meerkat joke is a-ok in my book!) Enjoy...

Unemployment Sucks

I'm getting depressed. No one seems to want Sugar. I think there's only one cure for the sadness that ails me, and that's a picture of a baby panda.

I'm feeling better. How about one more?

Well, I'd still like a job, but now at least I have a smile on my jobless face!

R.I.P. Mr. Reed...

I can't believe I let almost two days pass without paying my respects to the late, great Jerry Reed. One of my all-time favorite (and still unavailable on DVD) movies is the 1979 classic "Hot Stuff." Between that and "Smokey and the Bandit," I always loved Jerry Reed - don't ask me why. Sadly, ol' Jer' shook off his mortal coil on Monday. So, as a small tribute, enjoy the first few minutes of "Hot Stuff," filmed in my hometown of Miami (until YouTube takes it down, of course...)

When you're hot, you're hot...but when you're Jerry Reed, you'll always be hot. Rest in peace, Jerry.

Hello, I'm Old

Oh my God. I can't go to bed, because I am addicted to VH-1 Classic's "80 Hours of the 80s." Every time I try to go to bed, they dust off an old video classic that I have to watch. The latest nostalgic moment came from Grace Jones' "Slave to the Rhythm" video (if you want to see it, you have to go to YouTube, because it's allegedly "adults only".) Now, they've moved on to Howard Jones. They're currently playing "No One Is To Blame," but for my money, there's no better Ho-Jo song than "Like To Get To Know You Well"- which was also featured in one of my favorite high school flicks, "Better Off Dead." Please, enjoy...and if you're Ricky, I'm truly sorry your Mom blew up...

P.S. Mark Goodman looks old. Not that I really care, I was more of an Alan Hunter girl. If you got that, I love you already.

Happy B-day, Little Sis

I'm headed down to Naples tomorrow, to see my youngest sister, so we can all celebrate her 35th birthday. For some reason, I was compelled to seek out this video, and I can think of no more fitting b-day tribute to my li'l Widget. Happy, happy (joy, joy) Keirnan...

Really, what could be better than Eric Idle (my "favorite Monty Python guy." I'm sure he tells people that story to this day) and a penguin?