Dammit, we can't have nice things...

Greetings on post-Hump Day! First off, we got the vacation situation all worked out. I will be permitted to take a week off (without pay, of course) to go to Costa Rica, as long as I don't take one more second off until my year anniversary in June. This also means that I have to drive to Savannah by myself on Friday and miss out (again) on fishing with the legendary Captain Judy. Oh well, at least I won't be subjected to the country stations P. has programmed into his Sirius unit! At least I have my XM, Dane Cook and Jim Gaffigan to keep me company!

Now, to the matter at hand. The destructo-dog! Ever since Boo has come into our lives, we have managed to keep the things we would like to be free of bite marks and slobber (shoes, books, etc.) out of harm's way. We also have a wide array of things she can chew on in lieu of my Steve Madden pumps or P.'s surge protector. Unfortunately, since she is still limited by the big satellite dish around her head, she has been denied her chewies because she tends to thrash around quite a bit, and her stitches have started pulling a bit. I don't want a return engagement at the vet, so no playtime for the pooch until she's healed. SO...this AM, she found something new. In the 5 minutes I stepped into the bathroom to put on my makeup (yes fellas, it actually only takes me 5 minutes to put on my face. The hair, however, is another story - and don't even get me started on finding something to wear!) she managed to chew up a substantial portion of the carpet in front of the laundry room - even exposing the "painstick" thast holds the carpet down (if you have ever stepped on it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.) This wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't just had some other mishaps in the house, calling for insurance claims and repairmen trotting through the house (it's feeling more and more like that horrible movie "The Money Pit" every day.) At least we can tack this on to the list. By the time we get done fixing everything, P. isn't going to want to leave! Great. I was beyond pissed this morning - and even her big, sad brown eyes didn't keep Boo out of her cage. (That's hard...could you resist this?

I thought not...

Clipped Wings?

I read online that today is the "gloomiest day of the year" and for me, it's kind of ranking up there with some of my not so pleasant days. Yes, there are the usual Monday problems, but my travel plans may be seriously curtailed for the next few months. I have only been at my job for a year, but I have already taken 15 days off. 15! Wow, it didn't seem like that many. Friday here, Monday here for long weekends with P. It wasn't an issue until a long Valentine's Day weekend in Savannah came up. That request led into a week in Costa Rica that may not happen now. Oh sure, I could go, but I'd be going as an unemployed tourist. I don't know what to do. We (P. and myself) had talked this past weekend about our future. He has been travelling a lot, and we haven't had a lot of "quality time". By July we will know if we're staying here (albeit not in Hooterville!) or heading east to be closer to P.'s office. I need a change, that's all I know. I am sad, miserable and lonely. I am trying to expand my horizons (I have been really good about easing up on my television consumption, well...except for "Flavor of Love"- yeaaaaahh boooooooyyy!) but I just feel like we're almost roommates - not even, as I saw my roomies more than I see my husband. It sucks. I sent P. a frantic email this AM when I got the news - I'm sure he's probably pissed and/or confused at the moment. Ought to be an interesting conversation tonight!

By the way, my youngest sis got engaged this past weekend! Despite my "doom and gloom" attitude, I am really happy for her and my future brother-in-law!

Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue...

Since when has my life become like "Green Acres"? I guess I should have known that marrying P. would bring a heaping helping of challenges into my life (not driving him crazy, being a good wife, cleaning a house, etc.) but one thing I didn't really expect were some of our differences that I either denied or overlooked. We do have a frightening amount of things in common (both communications majors in college, both love football and hair metal, both are sushi fanatics, the list goes on and on...) but one thing I don't get is the whole urban (me)/rural (him) thing. Now, I think it's pretty obvious that I am not thrilled with our living situation at present, but P. is happy as a clam to be living in the sub-suburbs. Yes, the lake is lovely, but I am getting way too excited about doing things like going to the "fancy mall" and getting my hair done - as these tend to have been my major outings as of late. It's downright depressing where I live. I know Florida is strip mall city, but the ones around us are run down and many are still bearing the scars from last year's hurricane (a lot of blown-out signs litter highway 19.) Restaurants are closing at an alarming rate (we have a few chains in the area, but many of the indie places are gone or rarely patronized. There's really nothing to do once the 5 o'clock whistle blows - although I am starting to figure out why there are so many A.A. meetings in P.R. I don't think we will ever move. I am trying to get used to the slower pace of life, but it's really hard! I probably should stop writing now, as I can get real negative real fast, and I want this blog to overflow with positivity and humor - not complaining and anger. Besides, I'm babbling. I'll write more later...

Broken Resoultions

Yes, I managed to already break a resolution. I haven't been writing, and I should be ashamed of myself (I am). I have stayed slim (I managed to fit back into my "Prince Pants" - my favorite pair of pants ever. They are black and lace up in the front and on the flared bottoms. They were my favorite club pants - I looked "hot" in them (well, with me, I don't get much hotter than "lukewarm", but you catch my drift. Of course, I don't think the "Prince Pants" are going to see much action in Port Richey - they're not going to fit in at the "Karl Reef", that's for sure!) I have been keeping the house (relatively) clean - I finally tackled the mysterious pink mildew in our bathroom, so I've been doing the good wife thing (haven't seen much of P. since New Year's, so a clean house probably isn't the best possible indicator of what a good wife is.) I have been away from the TV a lot more, mainly because I impulsively decided to clean out the closet in "my room" (aka the guest room - our guests can stay with us as long as they don't need to hang anything up!) I have old photo albums, scrapbooks and things that need to be put in scrapbooks strewn all over the floor, along with every single thing I ever wrote, from my My Melody diary I had when I was 10 to the last incarnation of my now-abandoned thesis. (Sniff - don't get me started on that.) It's hard to get rid of things, except for my "fat clothes", I was glad to get rid of those! School stuff is the hardest. I have textbooks from my Radio/TV days that I think don't even talk about cable, and have lessons for editing 3/4" video tape (I'm sure even the podunk station I worked at in Panama City doesn't even use that anymore) and I'm positive I won't need any papers discussing the films of Francois Truffaut for anything...ever. But it's stuff I wrote, so I'm keeping it (P., who also was a Comm major, has some outdated books too, so I'm sure we'll both come to our senses someday and pitch them. (Note, I said "someday"...)

What was I getting at? Oh yes, resolutions. #2 has still been a tricky one. I am still very much in limbo with that. I have my days though, so it's at least a step in the right direction. So, 3 out of 5 ain't bad, right? I did sign up for an online writing class through the university, so I'm trying. And I will start writing a lot of random stuff here, just to keep the right side active. I am also keeping up muy other blog, runninfitz - if you read it, you'll find out why. Oh well, the painkillers are kicking in (getting over my current medical problems would greatly contribute to improving my chances of achieving the happiness I'm searching for!) so until later...

Life as a "Doggie Mama"

Aaah, the joys of dog ownership. There is not one sqare inch of our house, cars, and clothes not covered in white fur. Each and every pillow on the sofa is riddled with little bite marks. I have trudged through my neighbors' yards every morning, yelling "Boo, poopies!" I am losing my mind.

But that's not really what I wanted to talk about. I was going to go off on Lindsay Lohan for making us recovering bulimics look bad, but it's not worth my time and effort. I don't want to fall into celebrity journalism here. I'll just keep my fond memories of working at Planet Hollywood.com, where I was paid to care about what Ben Affleck was doing. I was going to talk about quitting and procrastination, but I'll do that later. I was going to take you on a tour of my horrendous movie collection, but I think that deserves more time than I have right now (you really need an hour or so to properly discuss "Roller Boogie".) So that really leaves me with nothing for today, but at least I'm writing! Oh, and I get a chance to for,mally warn you about the Chris Atkins vampire flick I talked about yesterday. It's called "Dracula Rising" and you should do whatever you have to do to avoid this tripe! (Sorry, Chris, I still think you're a hottie. I had to endure the abuse in college when my friends found the 45 (that's a record, kids!) of your song from "The Pirate Movie", so I guess now we're even!)

"I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. 'C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.'"

Still miss ya, Mitch!

The snow turned into rain...

Yeah, yeah, yeah....everyone does it, and they all pretty much look the same, but I can't help but add my resoultions to the 2006 pile. So, here goes:

1. Lose weight. How trite. Do you think anyone resolves to gain weight? At least I don't have as far to go as I did a few months ago, when I was a bit more "fat and happy" (see #2). And, best part, I found my old, "skinny" jeans - and they FIT! Saves me a chunk of change, as I was going to replace my (now) baggy jeans that looked like they had a garage sale after the bus and truck production of "Annie" (a.k.a. the "Ragamuffin Collection"!)

2. Get happy (or at least happier). This one is way harder than losing weight. I have a great hubby who's patient, cool, fun, patient, tolerant, nurturing, supportive, did I say patient yet? - and I should be ecstatic that I was able to pull the wool...um, I mean find someone like him (I'm such a kidder!) BUT (not as in big but...that's back to #1) I am so dissatisfied with ME. I am stagnating at my job (definitely not what I signed on for...I wanted to be Peter Scolari on "Bosom Buddies" (Henry/Hildegarde - advertising copywriter extrordinaire), but am more like the late, great Wendie Jo Sperber (Amy - office flunky, coffee bitch. If you don't understand these references, too bad - you should've watched the show!) If you want to take a bright side approach, at least I have time to write (see #3) and conduct very important Internet research (such as finding the "More Cowbell" sketch from SNL and searching for a DVD of "Valley of the Dolls" to add to my horrendous movie collection.) Unfortunately, I still don't really, truly know what I want to be when I grow up (and at 36 years old that's probably not a good thing.) The deadline to complete my graduate thesis has come and gone, and nothing bugs me more than being a quitter, so that's also weighing on my mind (even though I really don't have a good use for a Master's degree in Mass Communication...) Let's see, what else? I am a horrible parent to my pooch (who I'm sure regards me as "Ol' Candy Ass".) To quote Eddie Murphy, "My chi'dren don't lissen to me." She has a blatant disregard for my calls outside, and is much more content eating duck poop than coming tome when I call her. P's the disciplinarian here, as it probably should be with "kids", but children don't chew on your shoes and computer cables when left alone for a few minutes (or so I've heard.) And of course, the cherry on top of my angst sundae is my living situation. I have still to make a real friend - and it's really hard when you're a good 25 miles away from any activity. The house is taking it out on me - I came home after Christmas to find "my room" flooded out and many of my pictures destroyed - not to mention the fact that all of the furniture and objets d'crap that occupied my room now takes up space in our living room, den, and "my" bathroom! I hate being in limbo - as soon as P's comany gets straightened around and established a permanent home base, my hands are basically tied. Add to that the fact that I'm alone a lot, as P.'s been travelling quite a bit as of late (left in "Chaos Central" with an adolescent German Shepherd with an attitude!) 2006 is going to be a moving year for me...in more ways than one! Whew! That probably should've been a few resolutions! Onward...

3. WRITE - in any way, shape or form! I think I have my novel/novella starting in my cluttered mind (title is there, as well as general direction - but I'm not quite ready to get an agent yet!) I have to make time to do this - and in a perfect world, not during the workday! I also want to be more dilligent with this blog (after next week Runninfitz.blogspot.com may be concluding, so I will devote to this one full-time) as it may lead me to some great story ideas (and it's quite cathartic at times...) So, in order to write, looks like I should...

4. Watch less TV - sit on my lazy butt less. When you get psyched because "Celebrity Fit Club 3" is on, followed by an "I Love the (year, band, song)" marathon, it's probably time to step away from the boob tube. "Trading Spouses" is not supposed to be the most mentally stimulating part of my day (but I feel more like a "God Warrior" for watching it!) Yes, "House", you will not be snubbed (I can't, I am developing a girlish crush on Hugh Laurie) and "The Office" and "My Name is Earl" will make up the rest of my "must see" list. Other than that - life's to short to watch crappy on-demand movies (and boy, 2005 was ripe with them: "Blue Demon", "Dark Town", "Dracula 3000" and that God-awful Chris Atkins vampire flick just to name a few) so free time should involve activities such as writing, exercising, walking the pooch and other such things.

5. Be a better friend and wife. I actually started on the first item last month, as I managed to send out Christmas cards (but it's the first Christmas after the wedding. I think people are more apt to send cards that first year. I need to pick up the phone and call folks more often (one activity I could actually add to #4.) Being a better wife is going to take more work. I need to go fishing more and, well, see #4 again! If I get #2 going, this will also help out immensely!

Five is enough, right? Oh, there's still other things like boning up on my Spanish, taking a guitar lesson, getting de-cluttered, cooking dinner more often, making it through a whole day at EPCOT Wine Fest and such. I am optimistic that 2006 will be a good one!

Later, 'Taters!

I don't have anything to say, yet I'm here and typing...

I really want to write. I can't find anywhere here where I can take a class or two (I don't think there's a lot of "readers" in Pasco county - apologies to Bill Hicks!) I am languishing in limbo here. I have lots of good ideas, but can't seem to get them out of my noggin. And I am SO TIRED! I still don't know why that is. I had a barrage of tests, and they can't find anything wrong with me. I think it's "unfulfilled potential-itis" or something...

Hubby left today for the rest of the week/weekend. A weekend alone in Port Richey. Woo-hoo. At least I can clean the house or something - in wild anticipation of our eventual move. I don't know why I still get the wanderlust so badly - although I do not belong in PR - at all! I think I just didn't want to leave Atlanta this time around (because I was happy.) Don't get me wrong - I love hubby and pooch. I just need friends and an outlet for the spare hours I have when I'm not working or driving to and from work (12 hours of my day!) I'm frustrated...

In lieu of an update...

I am posting my answers from one of those dumb, waste your time at work surveys...get to know me!

1. How tall are you?
5'4" and shrinking

2. Do you own a gun?
Nope

3. Rehab? Counseling?
The latter. Often.

4. Have you ever killed an animal?
Do bugs count? Do fish count? (caught and not released!)

5. Are you Irish?
Yup (mostly)

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I don't. Haven't eaten one (non-vegetarian) since I was 12.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Merry Christmas Darling by the Carpenters (yes, I know...cheese-o-rama! But it makes me tear up every time I hear it.) Oh yeah, Slick Nick by Fishbone is my non-sentimental favorite.

8. What is your favorite smell?
Fresh baked bread

9. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Some diet soda product

10. Do you do pushups?
Can't do them well, so, no

11. Have you ever done ecstasy?
Did herbal ecstasy once, had me climbing the walls

12. Have you been shot?
Only by Cupid's arrow...awwww....

13. Have you ever been hospitalized?
Yes.

14. Do you like painkillers?
Once a month!

15. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Love of football

16. Do you own a knife?
A lovely set of kitchen and steak knives...

17. Do you have A.D.D.?
In a manner of speaking...

18. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
Aaawwww yeah!

19.Name Five Drinks You Regularly Drink:
Rum, vodka, diet Coke, beer, energy drinks

20. What's In Your CD Player?
New Nickelback

21. What's Under Your Bed?
Leaf for dining room table and old cassettes I can't part with

22. Current Hair?
A melange of color, long

23. What are you wearing?
Aqua sweater, navy pants

24. Current Worry?
Don't have nearly enough space (or time) to type here!

26. Current Hate?
Gas prices

27. Favorite Place To Be?
Cairns, Australia

28. Least Favorite Place To Be:
I guess work...

29. Do You Play an Instrument?
Mad Kazoo skills

30. Favorite Colors:
Black and green

31. Person(s) From Your Past You Wish You Could be with Right now?
The old Miami Shores crew

32. Where Would You Like To Go:
See number 27

33. Where do you want to live?
Again, see number 27

34. Favorite foods?
Sushi, hands down.

35. Color of most clothes u own?
Black

36. Number of pillows you sleep with?
2

37. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
An unflattering t-shirt/boxer combo

38. What were you doing 12AM last night:
ZZZZZZZZZ

39. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
If there's a God, going on a book tour!

40. Are you paranoid?
Nah...

41. First piercing/tattoo?
Ears (first holes) at 15 at the Town Center mall

42. Last person you yelled at?
I guess hubby (I'm not much of a yeller)

43. Latest addiction?
Fark.com

44. Last thing you ate?
Gardenburger "chicken" meal

45. If you could be a pirate, would you?
Nope, I'd prefer to be a wench!

46. Do you have an iPod?
Love it.

47. When did you last vomit?
Wow, that's been a while...can't honestly remember!

48. What's in your pockets right now?
Not a damn thing

49. What color are your bedroom walls?
Lime-ish green (haven't bothered to paint)

50. Last thing that made you laugh?
"The boys'" football emails

51. Any pets now?
One fish, one mouse and one dog

52. Innie or an outtie?
innie

53. Do you have any piercings?
3 per ear, 1 per navel

54. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Periwinkle

55. Have you ever won any awards?
Only academic (high school). Oh yeah, and one time I won a $25 gift certificate for singing karakoke at the Witches' Brew.

56. How many TV's do you have in your house:
Three (livin' large!)

57. Have you ever sprained/broken/fractured a bone or gotten stitches/staples?
Broke ribs, wrist. Sprained ankle, other wrist

58. Who do you tell your dreams to?
Nobody

Hey kids...
In case you faithful readers have been missing your Sugar...I am devoting the bulk of my blog time to my hilarious training blog - runninfitz.blogspot.com

Check it out!

Random Thoughts on a Thursday Afternoon

Just wanted to stop by and let you know I have not abandoned this blog, although I have been devoting some time to my new running blog - runninfitz. I was going to go off on a rant about fundraising here, but it's not worth it. I'll just suffice it to say that some incidents in life make you step back and look at who your real friends are. That's it. (Love ya both Annika and Rose!)

Went home sick yesterday, and still feel pretty lousy today (which accounts for my mood - I'll keep this post brief as to not offend anyone!) I think going to work the day after a sick day is harder than going back to work after vacation. I guess it's because you really didn't enjoy the time off...or something. Gee, my brain is scrambled...and it's time to go home. Later.

Working for the Weekend

Friday...woo hoo! Had a good week - made a new friend, signed up for the half marathon, made it through a work week without getting myself fired...

We were supposed to go fishing tomorrow AM, but the wonderful Florida weather isn't cooperating (no surprise - it's summer!) So we are faced with a Friday night with no plans - and better yet - no need to get up early Saturday! Problem is, we live in Hooterville. Besides the movies, there's nothing to do. Even with the movies we have to go to the late show because anything before 10pm is infested with the most obnoxious kids I have ever seen. They've got nothing better to do either, but at least they've got a curfew! (Thank God.) So here's what my entertainment options are for a rollicking Friday night in Port Richey...

1. A late movie. At least it's summer and there are a lot of options. We could check out the new Rob Zombie flick or The Island. Movies have been our default date quite a bit lately. I really haven't seen a great movie this summer, with the exception of Batman Begins - but at least it gets me out of the house.

2. A "nightclub". I put this in quotes, since we have only been to one since we moved here last June, and it was kinda skeezy (to say the least). It was called the Karl Reef (not "Coral, mind you, but "Karl" - which is actually the redneck pronounciation of "Coral".) We partied with tens, as we enjoyed the cheesiest band ever (including two female singers complete with costumes provided by the Body Shop, or Rave, or Wet Seal - one of those tacky stores - and choreography I think they picked up by playing "Dance Dance Revolution" a few too many times!) The places around P.R. are more "cocktail lounges" more than "nightclubs" actually. The club that appears to be hoppin' tonight is Bourbon Street, featuring "That 70s Band". I can hardly contain my excitement.

3. The Adult Entertainment Establishment. Yes, it's Florida, where silicone boobs and an overpriced beer are pretty much available on every corner. Our local club is called the Brass Flamingo - a name that coninues to puzzle me. The "ladies" are a little more, shall we say, ample than in the bars in Tampa. Saw a lot of Port Richey's junior thugs - DJ Funky Fresh Jethro and Jazzy Bubba were defintiely in the house. It's a very small, almost cramped joint where the bartenders are generally drunker than you'll ever get there. At least someone's having fun!

Pretty slim pickings, huh? Have a good weekend!

Still crazy after all these beers (apologies to Paul Simon)

Yeesh! I have never been so busy at work that I have been unable to post here - guess that's what happens when - gasp! - responsibility enters your life! That's bad.

I've had some crazy days lately. Some of the old demons have started to come back into the picture. (If you know me well, you know what I speak of. If not, insert your own personal demon(s) here, and hopefully you'll understand.) I feel bad for the hubby. He doesn't know how to deal, and I don't expect him to. He, fortunately is (slightly) aware he's married to a crazy person (he's finding out I wasn't kidding!) I think I have found some cheap therapy to get me through this time around. I'm glad, because I wasn't looking forward to finding a new counselor. My old one is like that old boyfriend/girlfriend you just can't get over. No one could replace her, so I never looked. So anyway, I digress (as always).

I have signed on for Team in Training. Yes, Ms. "Couch Tomato" is getting off her dead and dying and actually going to run again (knees be damned!) I have been assured that I will get high quality training - once I get high quality sneakers (I am assuming my platform Skeechers won't cut it.) I will be running the 2006 Walt Disney World Half Marathon this January. 13.1 miles. See? I am crazy! My fundraising/training site will be up real soon! Ack! More responsibility!

Quick movie review - Wedding Crashers: pretty damn funny. I want to hang out with Vince Vaughn.
Another quick review (DVD) Devour: Apparently there's this web-based game where you...yawn...are able to get revenge on people or something...ummm...and there's a devil...zzzzz!

Ebert I'm Not...

I had a few extra, project-free moments at work so I decided to write some quick movie reviews (with hubby out of town a lot, and hurricane scares a-plenty, we've had lots of time to see movies. So here's a summary...

Batman Begins - Christian Bale...yummy! Kick ass flick, best of summer. See it in IMAX if you can.
Land of the Dead - Shawn dealt with the dead much better. Even the punk version of the dead movie (Linnea Quigley with the Barbie crotch - remember?) was superior. Dennis Hopper should retire.
War of the Worlds - mediocre. Good special effects, even crazy Tom Cruise was good. Story sucked. Why did they come? (I know HG Wells didn't give a reason either, but, c'mon!) Still liked "Mars Attacks" better (ack! ack! ack!)

DVD/PPV:
Alone in the Dark - Tara Reid can't fake smart - at all. Fell asleep.
Seed of Chucky - John Waters was in it so it wasn't all bad. Gina Gershon mention (my girl crush.) Britney Spears look-a-like eats it (high point of flick.) Actually Jennifer Tilly is quite funny whilst making fun of herself.
Prozac Nation - Paul made me shut this off, because of all of the screaming (by Christina Ricci and Jessica Lange as her Jewish mother (!) Not even close to the book. Don't bother.
Cursed - Christina Ricci (again!) in a really bad werewolf movie. Ellen's girlfriend Portia de Rossi in a "why bother" cameo. Does mark the triumphant return of Scott Baio (guess this is his "Pulp Fiction"!) Much more entertaining as "Teen Wolf"!
Fat Actress - Kirstie Alley is my hero. Even though she has the hots for Kid Rock (eeewww!), she put together one helluva self-depreciating sitcom. Better than any network sitcom (although what is she really up against? "Yes Dear"? "Joey"?)
Chappelle's Show: Season 2 - It's funny, bitch! Wayne Brady AND John Mayer...hilarious!

I'm back!

Figured now would be as good a time as any to revisit my blog - now that I am almost settled into my new job. The last week at the former place of employment was...well...different would be a good description. A TV production crew was on campus to shoot some segments for an upcoming reality show (which I am still not at liberty to discuss.) I did come to the realization that PR people should not involve themselves in televison production if they can avoid it at all. The week was a flurry of walkie-talkies, last minute changes of plans, running around and sweating in the sweltering pre-hurricane season Florida climate. It was nice t see how much I'd be missed when I was gone. I think I actually managed to make a few friends in the process, so that's good.

Now, I am at the ad agency, and I have AN OFFICE! I have worked in cubes for such a long time that I forgot the simple delights of space of one's own. I may actually bring my own stuff to populate this space - as opposed to looking at pictures of other people's children (as I have been doing as a temp - not complaining though - it's as close as I'll ever be to having kids!

This entry is going to be a short one. I hope to later detail the exploits invoilved in cooking my husband's birthday dinner tonight. Hilarity is sure to ensue.

Exhale...

My days as a temp are over! As Ruth Dunbar (the wonderful Holland Taylor) once said on "Bosom Buddies", "Welcome to the topsy-turvy world of advertising!"

I start my new job June 1st. I bid adieu to the electronic retail world next Friday. Until then, wacky busy work. I have had to research celebrity look-a-likes for the past 2 days and I have learned the following:

- ANYONE can be an impersonator. I'm blond, and look like about half of the Britney/Marilyn/Madonna impersonators! (Actually, when I worked for the Planet Hollywood web site, I came in 8th in a Britney look-a-like contest!)
- I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, but have concluded that the companies just can't spell. At first I thought the misspellings were to avoid copyright infringement, but most names were spelled correctly.
- Besides Cher, J-Lo and Pam Anderson - British agencies have much better look-a-likes
- Some people have cruel friends ("Sure, you look exactly like Jennifer Anniston!")
- I guess it's ok to be listed with more than one agency if you are a look-a-like. I keep seeing the same, tired folks from site to site (such as the lone Sandra Bullock I have seen on a bunch of sites.)
- If you need a Leo Sayer look-a-like, I have located one! (Remember him? He sang "You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'")
- What do you do if you're a fat Anna Nicole look-a-like? Diet and drugs now? Or just wait...

I can't wait to actually be doing important and relevant things at work. Thank God for the Internet! (And for my husband's insurance. Full-time jobs at small agencies have their benefits, but they don't lie in the medical and dental areas!) I am excited about this new adventure, but have to survive a week working on...dah, dah DAH!...a reality show! More later...

"Older than God," indeed...

Jeez, I am going to be 36 tomorrow. Eeeewwww. Out of that cool 24-35 demographic, and 4 years to "middle aged" - at least I already have the sports car and a high threshold for needle-inflicted pain, so I am ready for Botox! The whole "older than God" thing got stuck in my brain after someone once remarked that on his 34th birthday he would truly be older than God - for, as any good Catholic knows, Jesus walked the earth for 33 years. So, I am now suffering from the pre-birthday blues, a depression compounded by being stuck at my dead-end job and pondering the termination of my education, as I know I am not going to be able to finish my masters thesis by July. I am hoping my annual birthday trip to NYC will cure me. "Spamalot" should be a much-needed shot in the arm for me (especially if I can get backstage...one of my old FSU theater cronies is in the show!)

In preparation for the trip, I (stupidly) went to the mall in search of a knock-em-dead outfit for Broadway. How depressing. I am starting to feel old (even older than I did earlier today when I saw pictures from a recent Billy Idol concert. Seeing all of those approaching-middle aged, former "Rebel Yellers" in the audience made me unexpectedly sad.) Why I even bothered to go into a store called "Forever 21" is beyond me. I can't do the Britney-Christina-Lindsay-Ashlee thing anymore, and there doesn't seem to be anything for me - as I am not quite ready for the "Mrs. Roper muu-muus" just yet (I also need to keep out of Hot Topic!) I also went to bebe, otherwise known as "Everything's Tight" - not the ideal boutique for my lopsided figure (used to be sexy to be curvy, now it's a sin. Thanks, Renee Zellweger.) I have seen myself smaller, the only true regret I have from having been "sick" - I dream to be that small again. But hey, this is getting depressing...

Probably not the best day to blog. I'll be back in a better mood Monday!

Chasing Peter Frampton

I have difficulty remembering a lot of things. Passwords for web sites (especially for the 9 million employment web sites I currently have my resume on), birthdays, anniversaries, due dates for bills - but one thing I never forget is the first 45 (That's a record, kids!) I ever owned.

It was given to me by my aunt when I was 3 years old. It was Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World". Apparently, the opening riff prompted me to spin around the room like a whirling dervish for the duration of the tune, looking down and marveling at the undulation of the red and black shag carpeting in our living room, which also housed our Magnavox Hi-Fi - a monstrosity that was disproportionately large to hold a radio and turntable. Little did my aunt know that she had put me on a path I remain on to this day - an obsession with music. For some reason, my aunt started bequeathing her records to me when I was about 8. The spines of all of the records were shredded beyond recognition by her cat, Rags, but the vinyl was still unscathed. I was probably the only 8-year-old Fleetwood Mac fan (this is where my obsession with Stevie Nicks began - I gazed at the covers of "Fleetwood Mac" and "Rumors" and thought she was a beautiful fairy princess.)

Despite Ms. Nicks diaphanous beauty, my one, true, love was Peter Frampton. My aunt gave me the LP of "Frampton Comes Alive" and my life changed forever. I would open the gatefold sleeve and savor his blond locks and infectious smile. I played "Penny for Your Thoughts" incessantly (it was disappointing to find out that he wrote it for his then girlfriend, who ended up cheating on him. Whore.) As I got older, I only grew more enamored with Peter. I remember coming across an issue of Tiger Beat that had a picture of him with his birth date...April 22...THE SAME AS MINE! I felt an instant psychic connection to Peter - I cut the picture out, laminated it and stuck it in a keychain I carried with me everywhere (even though I did not possess one key.) When we first got cable TV, they had a channel that only showed G and PG films, and they ran "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" 43 times in a month. I was proud to admit that I had seen it all 43 times. (I don't even know how many times I've seen it since. Even on my 21st birthday, when my purse was stolen, I watched it and drank beer with one of my theater friends, who suffered through because he knew it would put me in a better mood.)

As you can see, I was certifiable. Of course, when he was in his heyday, I wasn't allowed to go to concerts. I so wanted Frampton to be my "first" (a distinction that went to Rick Springfield), but my parents didn't want their 10 year old at a rock concert. "Annie" - yes, Frampton - no. So I waited. And waited. And waited even longer. Finally, in 1993, he returned! I was working at a record store when his album came out, and I used to try to play it constantly during my shift (my co-workers always knew I was there the minute they walked in the door.) His tour stopped in Orlando, at Pleasure Island - Disney's idea of bars and such. I was married to my first husband at the time and he refused to go with me (one of the plethora of reasons he is my "ex"!) I was not going to miss seeing my hero, so I trucked on out to Disney by myself (Frampton has always been a "hard sell" to my friends.) I managed to befriend a couple while I was at the show, and, afterwards, we went in search of the man. We could only track down his drummer, which was enough for me, besides, I finally saw Frampton live.

I saw Frampton 4 more times after that (once at a big music fest, I was drinking all day, but sobered up the minute the announcer bellowed "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...PETER FRAMPTON!" Another time was a bad blind date and once where he almost signed one of my "Sgt. Pepper" trading cards...yes, I actually have the whole set.) And now, I am happy to report that I just saw Peter for the sixth time, just this past weekend.

Fortunately, my husband now understands my obsession and accompanied me to the show. It was at an outdoor festival, and there was lots of fried goodies, Italian sausage sandwiches, beer, and all of the other gourmet delicacies you can find at your local fair. We stuck into BBQ pork sandwiches, sweet potato curly fries, and beer before the big show. There was a very eclectic crowd at this show - cocky college kids, hippies, yuppies, kids, rednecks...and us. Lots of receding hairlines, beer guts, bad dye jobs, tattoos, missing teeth and a variety of rock and roll shirts (some Frampton, some Motley Crue, and one Jackyl?) We were sitting in the reserved section, as I wanted to get as close as I could. In front of us were some of the aforementioned rednecks, who were full of Anheuser Busch goodness by the time we sat down. Over to our left was a group of misplaced frat boys, one of whom looked vaguely like Ashton Kutcher (although he had a Tim Couch football t-shirt on, which led me to call him "Ashton Couch-er".) They were taking great delight in being the only ones standing up, and pissing off the yuppie-looking ladies behind them. But, our rednecks were far more interesting. The leader of the gang had his wife beater tank off and looped through his belt loop. He smoked 2 packs of cigarettes in 2 hours and drank like a fish. He disappeared for a lengthy amount of time and came back, mysteriously, soaking wet. When he wasn't off for more beer, he was singing along with Peter. Of course, his hop-fueled brain was a little off, so he was pretty much soloing. "OOOOOOhhhh, baaaaby I loooove your waaaaay." Same with his (impressive for a drunk) air guitar skills. One of the other boys in this lot was a big boy, and his secondary responsibility (besides making alternate beer runs) was to eat every nasty fried thing available, including a massive funnel cake and a deep fried Twinkie.

So how was the show? Awesome, as usual. FRAMPTON RULES!

P.S. Thanks to You Tube, feel free to enjoy "Penny for Your Thoughts"!

Aaaaah! I am so stressed! Finding a job is a daunting chore...it seems I have been looking for a job since I graduated from FSU (waaaaay back in 1990!) Why I didn't just stay at my first post-college job at the Shrimp Pocket is beyond me! (Not much money, but I never stressed and had all the shrimp and crinkle cut fries I could eat!) I have found with this most recent assignment that I am definitely not an accountant (which adds to the list of other things I am completely not cut out to do...sales, telemarketing, professional wrestling, crackwhoring...) For some reason, I feel even blonder than I am when I attempt to do any financial transactions at this job. As a temp in the department I am in, I have become good at playing dumb on the phone (as I am not permitted to say "No comment") and really good at taking things (and people) from one end of the massive campus to the other (I think my nickname should be "Interoffice mail"!) I am really looking forward to being done with this, as I think I may take a summer vacation and possibly spend some quality time with the new hubby - as he travels for work quite a bit and between that and the creeping crud I have had since the honeymoon, I have hardly seen him. On the up side, we haven't fought once!

One disadvantage of hubby not being around is that I have been free to watch the all of the crappy television shows I can. I am addicted to "The Surreal Life", I can't help it. I have watched all 4 seasons religiously. I have an affinity for has-beens (I guess it's because I am a "never-was"!) I am curious as to what (besides money, obviously) motivates these people to do this - and to behave the way they do knowing that their actions will be seen by the other dumb-asses like me who tune in every week.

Last night, however, I stumbled onto a very interesting little program on the awesome network Trio. It was called "Good Clean Porn" and it featured the "classic" film "I Dream of Jenna" - porn without all of that distracting sex and nudity. Good God, that woman cannot act her way out of a paper bag - not that it matters. She has that plastic-Barbie doll look and I am sure she is good at many other things, that were not showcased on this program. It is really funny to watch the "acting" in porn flicks (it's also quite amusing to watch the sex scenes in fast-forward mode - or maybe that's just me.) I much prefer the dramatics, the sex is pretty boring. I have never used a porn video for the purpose I guess it's designed for - to spice up things for you and your partner (or right hand). Every viewing of a porn flick for me has always involved friends, "Mystery Science 3000"-type commentary and often, some form of alcohol. But...I digress. Kick-ass show.

Alright, already. I have made a few (albeit feeble) attempts to get this started, but since I am stuck in the world's most dead-ended job, I have ample time to insert random thoughts into this here blog.

I am currently temping (yes, 13 years of college to be a temp) at a large television shopping network in the PR department. I am a glorified secretary - answering phones, making copies (cannot help but think of that annoying Rob Schnieder SNL sketch when I say that), sorting mail, basically being an errand bitch. I hate it. The worst part is that I, who until recently was carrying around an unfathomable amount of credit card debt, am now doing the accounting for the entire PR department! The delicate irony of the situation amuses me. I had approximately 4 hours of training, but haven't managed to totally screw up anything. Of course, I am covering for a girl on maternity leave, and I am hoping she tires of all things baby real soon. Not that I have anything lined up, mind you. I seem to have acquired a number of allies at this company who want to keep me working here...only not in their departments! One girl has tried to pawn me off on one of those "independent contractor" gigs selling financial solutions to families (more irony!) I am kinda, sorta hoping to have a little "summer vacation", one where I can get my act together and have a fresh start. (Since the beginning of 2005, I have gotten a new car and a new husband, so a fresh start seems to be in the cards for me.)

I promise to be more up-to-date with this blog (more a promise to myself than to anyone else) and hopefully the blog will reward me with enough stuff to finally get the great novel in my head to paper, or at least an e-book!

Wow! I'm baaack! How things have changed...Now the blog will reflect my efforts NOT to be a Bridezilla! Since I'm updating everything before I move to Port Richey from Hot-lanta, I thought now would be a great time to do so. But, however, I don't have time to really elaborate on things right now...more next week...